I cleaned my studio today. Everything is in boxes which perhaps I will never ever open again. The most sad thing was, I had to destroy one of my friends' artwork painted on one of the walls. It is not there anymore, just because of the silly rules of the department. Studios must look like hospital rooms, all white. I had to paint 4 layers of white paint in order to cover it. Actually I used light grey, I think that looks better!!!

I need to find a new studio space urgently. Before that, I need to find a job to be able to pay the rent of the new studio space. Future scares me. That is maybe good because I can't find energy to feel sad about now: leaving the school, leaving the studio that I spent my 2 years. I cleaned everything. Nobody can tell this space belonged to me. I even took the sign out which my name was written on...

I feel bad...

4 of 1000 pictures

I still can't believe how everything went that well. I know we (Liz, Robin, Soyeon and me) know each other for almost 2 years, but I never thought we were that close. We lived together for 5 days in Robin's parents house in Adairsville, Georgia. Everything was really REALLY good. (Especially the home made dinners of Mrs. Brasington)

I liked being in the South; I don't mind south, north, whatever... I LIKED the SUN. I liked waking up in a sunny day, siting on the porch swinging, drinking coffee, chatting with friends, playing with Maybell, jumping on the trampoline with Liz & Kia.

Life was so beautiful there. Now, I have to deal with the problems, which I was trying to forget for 5 days.

One of my students is unhappy with his grade (B-), and he is asking for an explanation. I am wondering, should I be really honest and tell him that he did a really bad job this in the class or try not to break his heart more?

First, I'll have my breakfast!

It is sad that I will never ever see some of these people again in my life. I am glad that we had this photo together... (photo by Jay Ariaz)

"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives." - James Joyce

I have never had the correct words to say - what is "a correct word" anyways - but admired people who are always full of with words for every occasion, where I could only stare. That's why actually I have always wished humans to have tails. Because, one can understand how an animal is doing just by looking at the tail: happy, scared, relaxed, emotional, sexually excited, sad... etc. It is so simple, so straight and so without connotations, which can make a person paranoid to think of if the person really meant something or tried implying something else? And if humans had the tails behaving totally instinctual, controlling and repressing the desire could have never been an issue. Though, some cultures would start circumcising tails or/and forbid women showing theirs in public places, thus, once again find ways to control people, prevent autonomous expressions and restrict them within the synthetic world of language.

A section from Arzu's paper, which has stuck at the sixth page. Not going anywhere.