I need a boyfriend but one I can send home with ease. It must be spring fever. I know I'm not good with guys but Jesus Christ, everyone needs a lay every now and then. Do I scare men. It's either that or... well, maybe y'all can tell me the problem. Should I put on a faux innocence to be romantic?
Thanks for the cow advice. I wish things were easier. All I want to do is walk a cow around downtown Buffalo but without a truck or money, it just seems infeasible. I really have to get a move on if you know what I mean. It has to do with the changing of times. I hate being commodity dependent for happiness but at the same time, could you imagine killing your own meat?
I hate seeing my sister make up to her daughter for the lack of time she spends with her by buying her shit. I know she has bills but what if she just quit her job and hung out. I mean food and shelter are the biggies. They always have shelter. They could make a garden. What about me though? I buy shit all the time with God Damn loans, usually ephemeral things intended for immediate consumption but not always. I have a media addiction, books, movies and music.


I'm bothered.
I really can be bothered.
I found an old roll of film and had it developed. It's from inside my old apt. at 226 elmwood. I think I cooked mac and cheese for Soy. It was back before she moved to the suburbia and became a housewife.
reason # 2304 not to have a boyfriend
regular sex makes the majority of people lazy and boring (but then some people have always been one or the other), must be a comfort thing.

Does anyone have a live cow I could borrow or know where to rent one?
I'm serious.
I need some help here. I know where to get dead cow but a live one...
I've no idea.

it was a strange wednesday. i cleaned up my apartment a little bit and rewarded myself by going out to the pink. a few of my crowd showed up but left early. then i ran into aaron miller and talked to him for a while. then i saw my new neighbor and talked to her for a long while until she had to go to work at spot. she seems cool. she was pissed that someone called the landlord to bitch about her dog. i had to reassure her it wasn't me. so after she left some old dude who recognized her started talking to me asked me if we should get breakfast together. i went and hid in the bathroom while the bartenders kicked everyone out. then i sat around while they closed the bar. i talked to dr.know. apparently he has a panty collection and would like to add mine to it. i talked to raul, the guy who comes in to clean up. he wanted my number but i was drunk enough to be reasonable and direct and tell him i didn't want him to call me. then i chris gave me a lift home and told me about his broken heart. guys are pathetic when heartbroken. i makes me want to laugh even though i feel bad. he says "i want her back" reminds me of my old flatmate Albrecht.

Some good news is that I'll be doing a screening at Hallwalls the first week of May. This is good because it will give me some motivation to complete my productions. It looks like I may be able to get out of UB after all.

• I am Bettie Page***

Girl next door with a wild streak
You're a famous beauty - with unique look
And the people like you are cultish about it


What Famous Pinup Are You?

It looks like I'll be bar tending for soyeon tonight with liz. I have a new upstairs neighbor who has a dog. The walls are are not sound proof and the doggy is barking all the time. The dog bite on my back is healing nicely. It no longer hurts, just itches.
Yesterday I spent the day preparing an application for Elsewhere Artist Collaborative. It would be good to get that. I'll try for it and worry about the money later. I guess I could live off of 50 dollars a week and if I spent 6 weeks there that's only 350 dollars.
Sounds like a good graduation present doesn't it? Let's see if I can finish. The work is no problem but the motivation to write about it is a problem. My committeee is indifferent as they are concerned with their own practice. I'm just going to give them everything and see what they say. I know a few different things I could write about so I guess I'll have around three sections. I wish my neighbor would cut off this Internet connection, maybe then I would be less distracted. Soyeon has convinced me to do the walk. I'm only doing it because it will get my family up here to visit. Lori has promised to bring Kiah to visit. I know she'll never bring her but I bet my Mama and Daddy will. It's time for me to leave UB that's fo sho. A person can only handle so much schoolin and I think 20 years of it has been enough for me.

Here is a link to a quicktime I made of Kiah. It's difficult to direct a 5 year old so it's pretty rough.

ok so i feel bad bitching about my committe. They have recommended all kinds of great books to me which I have read... and i find helpful...

you can lead a horse to water, it may choose to drink but damned if you can make it regurgitate all that water.

amd yes mt that is the andrew sisters.