i gained six pounds today. i don't know how that is physically possible.

hormones are weird.

so, since yesterday was halloween, i decided that i was free to dress up in my favorite gypsy clothes. mind you, these are not clothes i would normally put all together, except maybe at a full moon fire circle that had really good energy.

i even spent $2 at the dollar store on my outfit to get the more "steroetypical" gypsy look, purchasing large hoop earrings and eyeliner.

since i didn't have any evening plans, i got dressed up for the whole day. i figured it would be fun.

however, instead, i discovered just how prejudiced people are in the sticks of north carolina. all day long, people made a point to let me know, both verbally and with unkind looks, how unwelcome i was, at restaurants, gas stations, and especially at the nursury i went to visit (because i figured that being around plants would be better than waiting around for the car inspection watching fox news.)

since i am white, i have never experienced such outrageous prejudice directed at me. damn, it feels horrible.

why would anyone judge another person on how they look? it really saddens me to feel so much prejudice still exists, and i am also sad at how little i have noticed until it was directed at me personally. i feel horrible that i live so unaware of how so many minorities suffer every day from unfounded prejudices. that is so completely, absolutely WRONG and unacceptable.

why don't we just all love each other? it really isn't that hard...


(lyrics below by melanie)

Beautiful people
You live in the same world as I do
But somehow I never noticed
You before today
I'm ashamed to say

Beautiful people
We share the same back door
And it isn't right
We never met before
But then
We may never meet again
If I weren't afraid you'd laugh at me
I would run and take all your hands
And I'd gather everyone together for a day
And when we gather'd
I'll pass buttons out that say
Beautiful people
Then you'd never have to be alone
'Cause there'll always be someone
With the same button on as you
Include him in everything you do.

Beautiful people
You ride the same subway
As I do ev'ry morning
That's got to tell you something
We've got so much in common
I go the same direction that you do
So if you take care of me
Maybe I'll take care of you

Beautiful people
You look like friends of mine
And it's about time
That someone said it here and now

so i went to my first ever pig pickin' today. yes, me a long time vegetarian. it actually wasn't as bad as i thought. i imagined a pig all together roasting over an open fire on that thing that rotates the dead animals around. but the pig was cut in half and cooked in a humongous barbeque-type cooker.

my dad asked me if i could be 'normal' for the pig pickin'. he said if people ask me where i live, i should just say buffalo. i guess he doesn't really like that i say that i'm a traveller. it sound too weird. i do have to give him some credit though, because he said the people at this pig pickin' weren't his friends, but his neighbors and that it's o.k. for me to tell his friends more of who i am. that made me feel much better about the request.

i think i did the normal thing pretty well: i wore jeans and a t-shirt and certainly no one thought that i was a gypsy, so i guess that made my dad happy.

but i found that my 'normal' self didn't have much to say.

what is it about this whole finding a mate thing that makes people behave in ways they wouldn't normally? i guess emotions must be really intense.

i met a guy two nights ago, and i really liked him. it is extremely rare that i meet anyone i'm interested in, so i had such a smile every time i thought about him. everything he said that night was so right on, and it seemed like we had such a strong connection. he totally got who i am and it was obvious that he was very interested in me. and i was certainly intregued by him as well. i kept on thinking of the things he said for the past two days.

well, i saw him again tonight (at a bar, we weren't on a date or anything). despite the fact that i had a super-good night and totally enjoyed myself and meeting lots of new people, i found myself leaving the bar sadly because it didn't seem that me and him had that connection tonight. i guess the one amusing thing is that we literally crashed in to each other three times during the night, and considering that his name is bash, i think that's super-funny.

so why am i thinking that the night was not good? what happens to us? why are we so irrational for no reason? if i had never met him the other night, i would be much more smiley right now. though, hopefully, now that i wrote about this in my journal, i'll get over it quickly. (and i actually do feel much better now than i did when i was driving home.)

well, on better news, i have another friend now and josh and i are meeting up at the arboretum tomorrow. he is really cool and i'm happy to have another friend here.

p.s. (the next day) i decided that i was just over reacting last night in my semi-drunken state, and i realize that there is nothing at all that i need to fret about. i was mostly upset because the boy and i didn't really get to talk that much during the night.

yes, indeed, we are all one.

i had an amazing day.

i started out working, doing some leaf blowing. i decided to pretend that i was high when i was blowing the leaves. surprisingly, it worked quite well. i was totally enjoying everything. the weather was perfect today and the sun was shining strong.

then i went over to my dad's new house to help out tom with a few things there. my dad was at the doctors, and it was just me, tom, and buck, some of my dad's friends (and handymen).

for the first time (i guess because my dad wasn't there), i had a some good conversations with buck and tom. i was talking about my life a bit and mentioning that i have lived in communal places with a lot of hippies. buck saw that tom and i were getting friendly, and he pointed out that tom is a biker, not a hippie. i said "i like them, too." and i really mean it. i like everyone who is real, not afraid to be who they are.

after we finished most of our work, tom said those magic three words that have sparked many a friendship. :-`D

indeed, tom is definitely a biker. he just spent last week at biketoberfest (or something like that) in daytona beach. and he's super patriotic, at least to all the bumper stickers he has on his helmet. but i really like him, i always have ever since i met him a couple years back.

so we hung out for a bit and then i realized how little i've been outside. and really, it was absolutely gorgeous out today.

then i went for a drive by myself, over to topsail island. the beach is very pretty there. it was destroyed by hurricane fran some years back (probably about 10 by this point), but it was nice to see just how well they've recovered. (the island looks better than ever, and it really is great that it's so clean there, especially because i recently spent three months in louisiana doing hurricane relief work. it touched my soul.)


smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smiles

for the first time in a while, i went to fairy land for an extended period of time. i will try to describe what it's like when i have a permagrin on my face.

smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smile-smiles

the perfect moments come when you realize that every experience you've ever had in your life has come together and you are just filled with so much joy. every memory is pure love, every single thought helps to make you realize that you have manifested everything that happens and that it is all love. i enjoyed discovering the beauty here today.

i enjoyed driving my 1989 honda on cruise control. you see, i am not really the best of drivers unless there are things on the road that i need to pay attention to. i like to be on auto pilot, driving along slowly and seeing all the beauty that is everywhere. each song that came on the radio fit my life perfectly. i even tuned in to "peace train" at the line:

now i've been crying lately, thinking about the world as it is.
why must we go on hating?
why can't we live in bliss?

which is telling my life exactly as it is right now. and i got to enjoy all the clapping and good vibes for the rest of the song.


i passed fairytale lane
...and i smiled for all the time i've spent in fairy land
i thought of my new biker friend
...and i smiled that i now have a friend in north carolina
i went to the beach
...and i smiled because i had forgotten how salty the ocean water was
...and i smiled because the birds were calling out to say "love"
i thought how i had called out to my soul mate the other day when i was feeling down
...and i smiled because he responded
...and i smiled because i don't need to be with her, or even to know where she is because he is ALWAYS with me, inside me
and i talked to my friend kimberly
...and i smiled because i was able to put at least a little bit of a smile on her sad face
and i enjoyed the sunsine, and i enjoyed the water
...and i smiled for everything that was manifest today.
...and then i smiled some more.

we are all one
many, many blessings to you.

LOVE!