So things in my life seem to be changing lately, and anyone who knows me know I despise change more than anything in the world but yet for some reason this time it seems like it may be a good thing. I don't know, I think things may be changing for the better which is most likely a phrase I have never uttered before. We'll see!!!

Also, I wanna go see Movin' Out at Shea's. Has anyone seen it? Liked it? Billy Joel songs are good and so are musicals. I think it is next week though so I should prolly look into that soon!

Is it wrong to get the majority of your outlook on life solely from all the different MaryKate and Ashley Olson tv shows? I mean not solely Full House, but also two of a kind, their show with the models and their numerous movies? They just seem to have something to say about everything in life.

So they say doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is a sign of insanity....all i can say is uh oh!

I did two things I really hate myself for today, although they may not seem that bad to the outside observer but they are two things I swear against doing.

1. I was ok with a parking in a handicapped space becuase we had a parking handicpaped tag in the car. Peolple who do that seriously I usually think are the scum of the earth taking a spoace away from a handicapped person yet I partook in the devilsih practice todya. All I can say is my guilt is overwhelming and I will never do it again. I find some solace in the fact that there were two other spots that were open and so noone went without.

2. I left church right after communion and didn't' wait until the end of mass. But i coudlnt' get back to my seat and got frustrated and just left.

things are just slippinig out of control all around me and i don't like it!!!

So like for 5 nights last week I had dreams where I died. And I don't remember ever having a dream where I died before like I always woke up before I actually died but not in these dreams and so they freaked me out. Especially since my horoscope that week ended up being something to the effect of "look to your dreams for your future". So I was completely freaked out even thought I don't really buy into the whole fortune telling thing but still it was freaky. But now I have went about 3 or 4 days without a death dream and so I think I am in the clear. The dreams were all so weird, here they are.

1. I was on a show similar to Dallas but like it wasn't a show it was my real life but that is what it looked like. Anyway my brother(in the dream, not in real life) tried to kill me and shot me three times but I survived and so they were like ok you can live. But then I went into the basement where I found out my son (played by one of Jill's exb/f) was sleeping with my wife and so he shot me in the lungs and I died.

2. Me and my friends were outside what was suppposed to be Maureen's house and her aunt was outside but wouldn't tell us anything but said the paramedics were on their way. So we assumed that something had happened to Maureen. Then NBC called me to get the scoop on the story for them because they said they knew I would be there and they had my cell number (eh its a dream, crazier things have happened). Anyway as I am talking to them I begin to realize liek there is a huge crowd there and the people are like starting to all burn and are like rolling around burning. Then I realize it is a nuclear disaster of some sort and I burn to death as I am trying to run away.

3. There is a killer in my house and I can see him killing everyone like painfully and slow and I don't want that so I suffocate myself before he gets to me.

4. BY FAR THE ODDEST: Me and this girl Anastasia Brothman (who I went to school with up untinl 2nd grade and then she moved) were riding across Grand Island on a horse. As we were getting off the expressway on our horsees, mine fell over. I tried to pick it up but then it fell backwards and broke its leg. But i had to get to scriptwriting class so I left it and called my mom and asked her to call animal people that could save it. She said I had to go and be there or the SPCA would just leave it there if noone was there when they got there. So I left class but then I ended back at home somehow and my parents were asleep in bed WITH THE HORSE SLEEPING BETWEEN THEM!!! and then somehow the horse killed me and i ended up dead in a coffin. The thing is then when I woke up it soudned liek there were horse hooves outside, (it ended up being the rain) but it still freaked me out and I couldn't sleep.


SO THANKFULLY THOSE DREAMS ARE HOPEFULLY OVER

So I'm not doing so well in my scriptwriting class, which is sad, because that is what I thought I wanted to do. It's not that I'm failing or anything, I just don't feel like I have good enough ideas or can think the way they want us to. I don't know, I still want to be a soap opera writer. It seems so different than what we are doing which seems to focus more on movies. I need a story that doesn't, that is continuous and only bits and pieces at a time and can keep changing. Maybe I'll talk to my teacher about writing soap operas, she loves soap operas, it is like her PhD. We'll see.