So lately I have been looking for a place to live while I'm in Cambridge for the next 4 years. The whole process has really been scary because I don't really know what to do or how to pick. As a result, I have been basically basing all my judgments on looks. If a place isn't pretty on the outside I decide I don't really like it. I have even ruled out going to look at a place just by seeing a picture of it online. I never really thought I was this shallow but maybe I am. I mean, when I really think about it all of my friends are pretty. All of the people I've dated have been nice looking. I can't really think of one of my friends who I would say is not really good looking. But on the other hand, I can't think of one of my friends who isn't beautiful on the inside too, so does that negate their contributions to my shallowness score? Anyway, I do feel a little worried that I'm going to buy a place for the wrong reasons and then it's going to fall apart the minute I move in. I just have such a hard time picturing myself living happily in a building that looks depressing. I guess I need to be more open-minded if I'm ever going to find anything.

I have lost ALL motivation to do work. It's so terrible because I just got my finals assigned. I wish I had more school stamina :(

On a different note, recently I went through a phase in which I wasn't eating as much pasta as a used to. Anyone who knows me might think that it was my version of a starvation diet since I pretty much only eat pasta, but I just thought I should try to get more protein. Now, however, the phase has passed and I have a new love (ok, maybe obsession) with my old food flame. I even made some sauce from scratch and it tastes so good that today I ate pasta for breakfast (I used to do that all the time when I was little). I really think that besides raw peas, pasta is the absolute best food ever. mmmm, I'm going to have some now!

Wow I am totally not prepared to be an adult. I need to find a new place to live soon since my lease will be up this summer and I don't even want to go look at places or call a realtor. It feels like something I should do with my mom, not alone. I have lived in three different apartments already but I still feel unqualified to decide on one by myself. I've always had roommates who basically picked out the place for me. It's funny because I've always liked the places I've lived in--it's been my roommates that were the problem. Since they picked out the apartments and I picked them out, I guess my record is pretty bad. Anyway, I need to start looking (okay actually it's way too early but I'm nervous and overpreparing is how I cope) and I want someone to hold my hand. Now, if only I had friends in Cambridge...ho hum. At least I had a pretty apartment this year :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (e:MK)!! I hope you have a wonderful day and that your year is even better :)

Today spring break officially begins for me, which means home to Buffalo tomorrow. The past couple weeks have been so stressful that knowing I would get to come home was the only thing getting me through. It's weird though, this year is the first that I actually considered not coming home for my week of vacation. It just felt like there wasn't really any point. Everyone works all day while I sit at home bored (albeit enjoying my house and relaxing). I definitely miss my mom and my Buffalo friends but everyone has adult lives now. They aren't around to spend very much time with and it might be just make more sense to say in Boston. Then reality hit. If I stay here it would be a week, nonstop, of my roommate Lauren with no classes to save me. I definitely can't handle that! So in the end, yes, I will be home for the week. But maybe I'm starting to move on from Buffalo a little. I mean you never move on from your family and friends, but I guess you can move away from them.

Anyway, onto a small dilemma I'm dealing with. I met, and ultimately ended up living with Lauren because she was dating one of my best friends in college, Alex. Recently (mid January) she broke up with him for reasons she explains differently depending on the day or the audience. Right after they broke up they talked occasionally, but recently they started talking at least as much as when they were dating. Alex told me that he believed they were going to get back together because Lauren said she might move to DC to be with him if he got a job there this summer. However, what he doesn't know is that she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend from high school too lately. Trust me, they are not just friends. Over her spring break she even went to visit him in Arkansas (which she lied about to me and then mistakenly admitted later) and he's going to visit her in June for almost two weeks. It really bothers me that Lauren is leading Alex on about wanting to get back together. When I talk to her about it she says there is no way they would get back together. I know she must have told him that she would consider moving to DC because he would never have made that up, especially knowing that I live with her. Now I feel torn. I don't want to get involved in this because it's not my business and I want to minimize any problems with Lauren. On the other hand, Alex has been a good friend to me and I hate seeing him treated so badly. If he knew Lauren was seeing someone else and had no intention of getting back together he would probably have moved on. Plus, she is using him because she likes the attention but she doesn't realize that he is factoring her into LIFE DECISIONS that he is making. I know he should be more careful since they are broken up but he shouldn't be expected to assume she lies to him. I guess ultimately I can't do anything about it. It's not my business, right? But I still feel like a terrible friend and if it were me in his position I would want someone to tell me. But still, I should stay out of it, right?