the new job, not the hotdog stand. the personal aide position doesn't seem to be the job i was offered. i worked sat and sun, woke at 6 both days, and worked my ass off, for the most damanding, unhappy, mean man ever. it seemed nothing i did was ever the "right" way. and he kept giving me weird looks.

sorry sir, if i don't know your 4 hour enema process. sorry, that i moved the paper to the left, my arm was sore from holding in front of your face for over and hour. i'm sorry i don't know how to lift you, shower you, make your toast right.

after all that ass kissing, i've been to reach the women in charge of scheduling, and i have not gotten one phone call back. that's two days.

i just want to know why i get fucked over with jobs like this so much.

i just need a fucking job. i can work. as you can see above, i can deal with most anything. including a lot of shit, and yet, i still seem to constantly get screwed.

plus, my mother won't get off my ass. acording to her i suck at life. i never do the right thing. i never have the right job. i'm lazy. this shouldn't be so hard. she always had a good job. she always knows exactly the right thing to do. she is perfect.

i'm going to visit her in three weeks, and now, i really don't want to go. when she was 22. let's see, she had an asshole druggy husband, and a kid, and no education. how does that make her better than me.

i'm so sick of everyone telling me what i need to do. maybe people should just try and be loving and supportive and put theirselves in my shoes. sometimes it's easy, sometimes, not so much so.

and to add to all of that, i'm the fatest i've ever been, and i feel ugly. that's a first. i need to be locked up and starved for the next three weeks. i'm serious.

i think tomorrow will be much better.

p.s. i'm being much too dramatic. but, would it kill to return a phone call? ugh.

and that's just how it is. one door closes and a better one opens.

looks like i've landed a better job. a much better job, making somwhere between 10 and 13 an hour. and i get benefits and such. awesome.

i will be an aide for a prominent laywer who was injured in a motorcycle accident 12 years ago. his wife is a anchor, i won't name, god forbid they see this and think it's weird.

anyway, they have a really nice house, and I get to hang out and help out and cook! good food too. he loves seafood, and lamb and thai, and everything I like. Plus, he's incredibly intelligent, and funny too.

and, they are cool with my vaca time coming up. i'm a lucky girl.

it will be a great job to have while i'm balancing school and work in the fall.

p.s. this summer is gonna fucking rock!

p.p.s. go eat at ming tea cafe, so tasty!!

and drink lots of wine. wine is good.

so, i got fired from the nanny job. only because the people were too fucking chep to pay me 8 bucks an hour.

now, i get paid more to run a hotdog cart downdown. thats right. im the newest hotdog slinger. classy.

im so done with watching peoples kids and getting paid third world rates. you'd think people would pay, but they don't. it's their fucking kid. c'mon.

at least i finally let them have it. they needed to hear that they screwed me over and that they didn't deal with the situation professionally at all. i put myself out there for them, and half rasied their child. it felt so good to put that bitch in her place. i hope she cries everyday because she doesn't get to come home and see her kid for lunch.

anyway, it's been fun to idle this week, but i need to get my ass in gear.

my honey is so fun these days. he bought me flowers the other day for being a crankster the night before. it's amzing how flowers can really brighten up a room. we've also been taking a lot of walks, which is nice.

and i made him a roast for dinner last night. actually, it kinda took all day to make, but so worth it.

we are a boring old couple...

best part of my week?


MY NEW LIBRARY CARD! they let you take out 50 items at a time. how exciting! the joy.

and vaca is in a month, and i hope to visit the big ho this summer too.

ill def give you a cut. call me 208 6906!

i seem to never have anything of interest to say here anymore. maybe its because im rarely ever around a computer.


i really hate my job and my life right now. only because it seems like i am wasting time. i just want to go back to school this summer and feel that i have a purpose again. i don't like being out of school. i need to learn and have some sort of schedule. plus, nobody ever has time for me anymore, so i might as well spend my time getting an education.

i should be working in a salon, and regretfully, i will soon. i hate the whole beauty culture environment. don't get me wrong, i love being girly. i just don't know if i want to live it all day with a bunch of brainless idiots. hmmm.

i just feel like i was very stupid for a long time, and now i pay and it blows.

i don't like the whole comment thing anymore. i feel like anyone can just say whatever they want in your journal.

groucho.


mommy comes. t-minus three days. sister comes, t-minus five days.