I can't sleep right now. I have something on my mind. I need to vent.

I take promises very seriously. Even ones that could be casual. If i say i am going to do something, i do it.... even if i sometimes change my mind or think it might not be in my best interest. My word means a lot to me.

As i mentioned in an earlier post, (e:LeeTee,203) i was asked to help out our neighbour, Deb, and be a needed body for her during an upcoming sailing race. We were supposed to go out for a fun sail Saturday, but it rained. So, we went on Sunday.

(E:Uncutsaniflush) wasn't really into it, but since i was and he wanted to support me, he came along. I'm glad he did, despite his sunburn (i still don't understand why my pale freckeled skin didn't get sunburned and his medium complected skin did... makes no sense, we both used the same sunscreen).

Before meeting Deb at the boat, i called her to ask her what i should wear. I don't sail, have never been out on Lake Erie, and i didn't know if i should wear a swimsuit, because she told me earlier we might go in for a dip. She said to bring a jacket. Puzzled, i asked if it would be cold, and she told me not to wear a swimsuit and bring a jacket. OK. I wore a pair of 3/4 length light knit cotton pants and a t-shirt.

Getting a sail boat ready to sail, i found out, can be work. I got sweaty. I was offered another, lighter shirt, which i declined. I don't like sweating, but i figured once we were out in the open air, i would cool off.

Seems Deb took offense to this somehow. Told me if i didn't like it and the amount of work i could get off the fucking boat. But shit, i wasn't even complaining about being too warm... which is so unlike me, since i hate being warm. I thought i was on my best behaviour.

She warned me that when we were sailing, she would be barking orders. And i have heard that people in charge of a sail boat (skippering?), have a reputation of being mean, cruel and nasty. So, i was prepared. More or less.

She barked a lot of orders, repeatedly, without explaining to me, or (e:Uncutsaniflush) (who has sailed before, but it was about 30 years ago) what some of the things she was barking at us meant. Yes, the night before, she gave me basic lessons on what things were called.... but i am not a seasoned sailor. Excuse the fuck out of me for asking what something is, or what she may have meant by something. So much for a casual fun sail.

Thank goodness there was someone else on the boat to soften her for us... and explain, politely and pateintly, what some things were and what we needed to do. I think he may have talked to her because she was soooo nice after we docked, telling both (e:Uncutsaniflush) how well we did.

Now, even though i made the promise to her and she took the time to teach me things and take us out for a "fun" sail, i just feel so put off and i am not sure i want to follow through with my promise to be "rail meat" for her race on Tuesday.

Barking orders at me during the race is one thing, even during our sail that was supposed to be fun. But yelling, swearing and disrepecting me for being sweaty... well, it just doesn't help me want to do her a favour. I thought it would be fun, but i didn't find it particularly fun. And not just because i thought she was being a bitch.

I know that i need to stand up for myself and give her a completely, but not necesarily cruel (just 'cause she was mean to me doesn't mean i should be mean to her), honest reason as to why i do not want to be "rail meat" for her race if i decided it isn't what i want to do. That's hard for me. Not just because i think my word means a lot, but because i don't want to offend her. Or maybe i am just a big wuss. I don't know.

I have no idea what i am going to do. It's a little thing. But my plan of "sleeping on it" just isn't working.

I like rain. I like to dance and play in the rain. But, today, i wish it weren't raining.

We had plans to go sailing with our neighbour, Deb. She wants Kirsten and i to be "rail meat" for a race she is in on Tuesday and wanted us to come see the boat. And maybe take a dip. And, just generally hang out. (e:Uncutsaniflush) was coming along and we were going to have some fun in the sun. We even thought it would be good that it wouldn't be so hot. But rain? *pout*

For now, we wait. Although based on the radar pics, i don't think we should hold our breath....

Your post got me thinking, (e:Krayner03,3) . I have thought about commenting, but i figured i might be too long winded (as usual) and opted for my own post with a link to yours.

I think that often happiness can be perceived as something the simple minded have. That anyone who has deep thoughts must have a hard time not being sad because the world is such a challenging place. Yet i think life can be a challenge and we can still find our happies in it.

I agree with (e:Terry) that anyone that is happy all the time might just be acting part of that time. But, is happiness always that giddy euphoric feeling, or can it simply be a contentment and a satisfaction with life and its ups and downs? Can't happiness just be a generally possitive feeling that the hard times won't last forever and we have the confidence and strength to overcome? Can we not be happy when we are sad?

Perhaps if we don't have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others, and simply remember we are all erring humans, we might not find ourselves disappointed. Perhaps unmet expectations are allowing us to be sad.

Perhaps i am the simple minded one that thinks it's all possible. Perhaps it is all in the definition of happiness.

Recently, i have been hanging out a lot with Kirsten, my neighbour and now friend... i don't think i fully realized how much i have missed having a friend. Someone who actually gets me. Someone who understands my jokes, thinks i am weird and is ok with it. Boosts me up when i am down and doesn't understand why the whole world isn't beating down my door to be my friend. It feels amazingly good.

We were supposed to go swimming this evening, but the weather disagreed. We got kicked out of the water at Woodlawn Beach by a cop a couple of evenings ago because the lifeguard had already gone home. The night before that, we swam until dusk started. Got bit by skeeters something awful. Had a great time, even if it took me a long time to wash the sea(lake?)weed off my body and out of my hair. I had forgotten how much i love to swim... or, in my case, splash around in water. Damn fun.

Saw the neighbour that lives between us tonight. She wants us to be "rail meat" for a sail race she is in next Tuesday. Invited us to see and hang out on the boat with her this weekend. Looking forward to that. I don't think Kirsten, myself or (e:Uncutsaniflush) are seasick. I reckon we will find out, huh?

Making chalk sounds like fun, (e:Carolinian,21) ! I think my sister in law used to make chalk when her kids were younger. I found out tonight, that Target sells chalk.



They also have sidewalk paint. I wonder if that would be a good outing? Sidewalk painting?!



I didn't bring my camera to the show, so no pics of any Buzzcocks. Oh, i know how you all are so dissappointed. But, i did take this one of the ceiling of the lobby of the Holiday Inn Express we stayed at. Nice place.

Not that anyone but me gives a rat's ass, but I have a new usersound. I put it on gather before i uploaded it as a usersound... only to find out it was too big to be a usersound. Only now did i finally get 'round to asking (e:Uncutsaniflush) if he could help me rip it at... oh... a lower sampling rate (i sooo want to say at a lower resolution, despite me knowing that's wrong!). So now, i have a new usersound. And it's not a Buzzcock's song. But it features Pete Shelley...

Anyhoo, if anyone (other than me and (e:Uncutsaniflush)) is interested, here's the gather info:

Filename:
The_Adored___01___TV_Riot_(Feat._Pete_Shelley_of_the_Buzzcocks_on_Guest_Vocals).mp3
Tracking Number:
0973148001152931718

The Adored opened for Buzzcocks and we thought they were most excellent. Good enought to buy the cds at the merch table at the Buffalo show.

Which was great. As i always want to be when i see a Buzzcock's show, i was right up front where all the action is. Steve Diggle wasn't a complete wanker. A rare thing. The lads all seemed to have a good time... and Pete Shelley was hitting on the guy beside me, so i got next to a cute boy attention.

The next day, we decided that i really wanted to go to the show in Cleveland... not sure if (e:Uncutsaniflush) would have wanted to go if it weren't for me being such a rabid fan.

I'm glad we went. We had a good time.

The hotel was interesting. I took some pics, but i haven't uploaded them yet. I might post them if they turned out ok. It was a Holiday Inn Express a block and a half away from the House of Blues, so no worries about cabs or parking.

The show was good... young... rowdy.... lots of security. It's what i expect but rarely see at a Buzzcock's show. I didn't get too many boots to the head, but there seemed to be a fair amount of crowd surfing in a room that isn't much bigger than.. hmm... maybe a coupla rooms in our house. I was too intent on the stage and having my own fun to worry about the security trying to keep crowd surfers off the stage. Sadly, though, Diggle was a wanker, drunk off his head, unable to keep up or keep in tune, not sure of what song was being played closer to the end of the gig... and it appeared as though Pete Shelley was very annoyed. Or maybe it was just 'cause there was no cute boy beside me...

Last night's Buzzcocks show was great. I sweated up a storm, and the railing snapped the underwire in my bra. I still say it ain't a good punk rock show unless something comes home bruised. This time, it was my bra.

Kirsten needs someone to take care of her kitties this weekend, so i am waiting for her to come over and give me the lowdown on giving Maslow his needles (diabetic kitty).

After that, we will shower... i'm already packed.

We decided this morning to run off to Cleveland to see the Buzzcocks again tonight at the House of Blues. I'm so freakin' excited!!