The same basic topic has been coming up in my life lately. Perhaps i have just been more observant. Maybe i have just been feeling things differently lately. I wonder if i am searching out the subject unknowingly... even though it certainly feels like it is seeking me and not the other way 'round.
I met an interesting person the other night...
After getting semi-rained out at Shakespeare at the Park,
(e:Uncutsaniflush) , our neighbour, Kirsten, her dog Ava and i came home. We had a nice picnic in the park with some Chinese take out, but with full bellies and cool rain, we didn't feel like waiting to see if the show would go on.
When we got back to our 'hood, the neighbour that lives in between Kirsten and us had some friends over on her front porch. They were making a ruckus and having a good time like only old(er) stoned hippies can. They had wine and sparkly scarves, nicotine and weed, candles and chocolate. Ava, the ever curious pug lead me straight up the steps of their porch party. I'm glad i went up there.
At one point, Kirsten and Sally were waltzing with formal hats on. We got a semi-self guided tour of the house ("just go in there, i don't feel like walking up the attic stairs"). We discussed the possibility that those leaded glass designs really are an inward pointing penis and testicles on either side of a crest in the front window of the house. I watched a stoned 50 something try, very unsuccessfully, to light candles. And got into an in depth conversation with Sally. A conversation i enjoyed thoroughly, even if i can't remember all the separate bits of it.
Sally "designs museums" and worked on some exhibits at the Natural History Museum. She's currently working on something with the migration of specific birds that spend some, lots, or most of their time at Jamaica Bay.
Meeting her and talking with her was nice, pleasant, and for once, socially, i felt comfortable and at ease almost immediately. I didn't feel judged for not being cool enough, or wearing the right clothes, or knowing the right people or hanging out at the right place. Whether or not the weight of the judgment is self imposed, self imagined or there at all, i feel it regularly, and it was so comfortable to not feel it at all. It was nice, as well, to feel interesting; to have someone interested in something i might have to say. I have had so much major drama in my life in the past, i find myself less inclined to be involved and now, even when i want to be, i no longer feel i know how... and even i find myself boring from time to time.
I remember discussing judgment with her. That she feels she is open minded and free thinking, always available to learn, yet finds herself at places of judgment. That her thinking a 21+ year old woman should know what state Cincinnati is in while mistaking it for being in a completely different state and also an incorrect one is rather... interesting, to say the least. I told her how i felt the weight of judgment the whole time i was in Vancouver, because i didn't fit in well with the trends there; that my kind of vegetarianism (moral based) wasn't good enough for theirs (health based). She mentioned how defensive she can be because she lives in Orchard Park; that not everyone who lives in the 'burbs is a "soccer mom". I told her hoe defensive i can be because i lack formal education; that because i feel inferior for being a highschool drop out, the mere mention, innocent or otherwise, of me not going to college can leave me stinging for days.
Not too long ago, i had a similar conversation about judgment, but all revolving around one specific topic. Weight. We were looking at a chubby dog, talking about how cute she is... and sorta kinda wishing that humans might think chubby humans are cute, too. But more often than not, we aren't. I know that i have referred to myself as a "fat chick". I reckon i do that so i can mock me before others do.
I think it's sad that the overweight are the last segment of the population it's still socially acceptable to openly, and often cruelly, tease. I don't make fun of people that drink too much on a regular basis, why should others make fun of me for eating too much on a regular basis? I don't believe the health effects of eating too much are worse than drinking too much.. but i'm not an expert so i can't say for sure. Is it more socially acceptable to drink too much and have the effects be visible, than it is to eat too much and have the effects be visible? Is it due to the possibility that eating too much shows a more permanent effect?
I understand that for some people, drinking allows them to let go and have a good time. So, i sure as hell don't mean to frown upon those who drink, in moderation or to excess... I know i can have a good time eating too much.
I reckom my whole point here is that i would love it so much if there were no social judgments. It can be fascinating what each one of us finds important in life... and how much that colours what we judge.
aww. I love their little faces. And the Pug Hug in that third pic. Your neighbor might be interested in this though- :::link::: it's a little microchip that gets placed under the skin, and registered on a 24/7 national database. And/or you can get a tag with the ID number on it. Not sure about cost (I think <100 for the chip and registration) but better than losing a beloved pup!