I had a dream last night about a bird woman.

Actually it was a bird (like an ostrich? or maybe another flightless bird) that became anthropomorphic and kept changing into a lady.


At first I was on the floor and afraid of being trampled by the giant bird lady, but as she became more human, she grew a female ass.

I started to work on her, but she turned around. With a big beak head.

Then I woke up and realized I was late for work.

One time, a few months ago, I was at a popular local bar with a friend. (Coles)

She got me a drink, it was supposed to be a White Russian.
But the dude got the container of milk mixed up with a container of orange juice.


To be honest, it was delicious.


I named the new drink the 'Orange Drool-ius'

She told me it was a wussy name.




I renamed it 'Plutonium & Lead' because "Plutonium and Lead would kick anyone's ass."

• Positivity***

It is a good thing that the Violent Femmes are playing in August at the Square.

Work is fun now that I don't hate my boss. We all laugh a lot more during the day now.

Band is forming. Writing stuff is power awesome. (incognito name = The CandyCane Stripers. Don't tell!)

Weekends for the summer are allready filling up with fun shit.

• Dumbness***

I am super fucking stupid.
Eg: Last week I needed to get more TP as I was on the reserve roll.
Fucking TP: its a very basic staple. Rather necessary, and when you get low you really shan't dawdle.
So I trucked down to the store, jamming out, thinking about stuff, and talking to people on the phone.
This was enough distraction for me to forget my original intention.

I came back to my place with Cool Whip (among other things) but no TP!
Fuck! I certainly did not require Cool Whip, nor anyother kind of Whip yet the one thing I did in fact require was not purchased! ERROR! If I was a goldfish I would be flushed down a toilet allready.


I am a dumb bastard with no concept of time. Not unlike a lobotomized cocker spaniel, I have no concept of 'tomorrow'.
Its always today in my balsa wood brain, and taxes, bills, laundry, etc can always be put of till 'tomorrow'.



Hit me with a bat.

holy shit I am so happy with the schedule for the Square this summer.



More at 11

Fuuuck, my boss finally got fired. He made it 3 months.

He was probably the perfect bad boss. He had no redeeming values.

Not only did he talk about his sexual shit, he went on in great detail. For hours. About the girl in HR he was fucking. In front of other HR people.

Dude had no technical knack. But he wouldn't admit it. (as a maintenance manager, you should know the difference between a Phillips screwdriver, and an allen wrench)

Also its not cool to make 'homo jokes' infront of the lesbian supervisor. Or poking the parts clerk in meetings. (The doodles you drew on her notepad though, you know, the ones that look like a Babysitter Club Monet - I'm probably going to laminate that and hang it on our fridge in the office)

So S

---

, ( I don't want to say his name! How about we say it started in St and ended in eve. This guy was my *starts in P, ends in et Peeve*), you are the most powerfully stupid mutherfucker I have ever worked for, and that puts you somewhere in a hall of fame (or at least a freakshow), because that is a group of brain surgeons that no mother could love.


In closing fuckface, I'll never forget this phonecall:

Shithead: HR heard your grandma died. They want to send you what you are.

me: huh?

Shithead: A FRUITBASKET!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!!!

me:

Shithead: Laugh!!

me: what do you want?




Ah but what I wanted was for you to fall off a cliff, but this will have to do.

Stink you later Shithead.