So.... I just realized that today is my 21st straight day at work. Make that 22nd, since it is now after midnight. And I have 5 more days until I finally get a day off.
No wonder I'm losing my mind....

And I took care of a 6yr old kid tonight in a bad car accident, and he had this HUGE cut on his head, down to bone, through his eyebrow. And I got to play plastic surgeon- looked pretty fanfuckingtastic when I was done, if I say so myself. But I could not only see the skull, but the BREAK in the skull at the bottom of the cut. At least I couldn't see brain. Mom was holding up amazingly well- I don't think I could see that and keep my shit together. I hope he does well... We have to let the meds wear off and see how he wakes up. It's sad.

And (e:imk2) asked why women are such catty bitches... (short answer: i have no clue, but sadly it's true). I ask- why are we blubbering idiots around boys? There's a guy at work I've mentioned before... one of my many work crushes... who has started flirting with me lately. At least, I think he's flirting with me. But I just simply do not trust my intuition anymore- I'm not sure I'm not imagining the whole thing. (but I don't think it's normal to work nipples, g-spot, and 'the last time i got laid' into a co-worker conversation, is it?) But I find myself thinking "wait a minute... a real live guy, that I have no connection with online, who has caught my eye in the past, is now flirting with me?!" That so does not happen in my world! And I have turned into a total idiot. I find myself lingering in places where I might run into him FAR longer than necessary... When I do see him I can barely talk, and I turn 8000 shades of red. I mean what is it? I am an (arguably) intelligent, mature woman. And I am reduced to a 12 year old child...
And for what? For all I know it's all in my head. And it's not just him... Just about any guy that talks to me or pays attention to me, turns me to mush. Ok, not any guy. But any guy that I could possibly be attracted to, that talks to me.

Ahh... I guess that's what crushes are. Totally irrational... But it's a fun little diversion at least. If I have to spend a month straight in the hospital, it's nice to have a friendly face to bump into in the stairwell once in a while....

Ok peeps. I hope you are having more fun on this saturday night than I am... And I hope to get to see you all again one of these weeks...

Don't let the bedbugs bite,

-J

UPDATE- Car accident boy is doing really well this morning. Still needs his skull fixed, but he woke up and acted normal. Yay. :)

Ok, so I moved to Buffalo knowing NO ONE. Like not one single person. Well aside from the few people from work I met for an hour when I interviewed. So one day when I first got here, I did a little friendster search, and found a guy from my school... Sent him a message 'hey what brings you to buffalo etc', and he said 'well actually i'm in a band' [Jackdaw] and i said i'd never heard of them, and he (very modestly) said 'well we've been 'best band' by artvoice for the last three years...' But anyway he invited me out to meet him and his friends that same night... So I did. And he's been one of my good friends here ever since. I love this boy. Aside from being (as ladycroft put it) super mchottie, he's also just a cool guy (and he always gives me hugs). I mean really... a tall hot smart sarcastic artist rockstar- what more could a girl want? ;) And he gives me shoutouts at their shows, which I love, because all the girls that are in love with him get jealous and give me dirty looks. hehe.

But anway, so I just found this in the artvoice online-



Go David!

And in honor, I have changed my user sound (again). It's Blacks and Tans. Not my fave jackdaw song, but the only one I have in mp3 format. I know Irish rock isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I'd say they're worth checking out anyway- the shows are a lot of fun.

So many things are bouncing around my head... May be a little discombobulated if I try to include it all (but since when has that stopped me, right?) ;)

Reading (e:twisted)'s post... makes me jealous. I haven't been to a show in so long... And I love music... I may not always get to stay as current as I'd like, but so much music is so significant to me... Can pull up profound emotions/sensations/memories... Or just makes me shake my ass. I love that. Both versions.
I have been listening to Cake lately. I love Cake. But hadn't listened to them in ages. That is one of the perils of the ipod... I have ripped in all my CDs, plus all the stuff i've bought/downloaded over the last couple years, and now it's almost like I have too much music. I'll want to listen to something, and I get overwhelmed scrolling through, and end up listening to the same '4 star' playlist over and over. Of course, I have only assigned stars to a few hundred songs, so I'm missing out on so much. Like Cake. It was chosen for me the other day. (specifically, the song "love you madly". Hmm.)

So... I think some of my drama may be resolving. Which makes me feel better. Somewhat. Still not great. I have tried to be true to myself, and have TRIED to hurt as few people as possible, as little as possible. And I have at least tried to be honest with everyone involved, as hard as that can be. Blah... Like I said, not thrilled with things, but at least I don't feel like i have an ulcer anymore, so that's good. It's all such new territory to me....

And that got me thinking again about the nature of a blog/journal. On the one hand it's a great place to put your thoughts out there, but on the other hand, as these people go from being just peeps online, to actual friends, it becomes a little harder to post your deep dark secrets etc. But, I decided that I think that the benefits of the 'community' here far outweigh the sacrifices.

I never would have thought of myself a the type to have a journal/blog. I tried to keep a paper journal for a while in college.... but it ended up just being a stupid list of who i had a crush on at the moment. (hmm, come to think of it, I guess not much has changed.) But I don't really fancy myself much of a writer.

But I have a friend from high school, one of the few people from my class that I keep in touch with, and she is a great writer. And she kept a blog for a while. And that was the first one I ever read... So I was thinking that I probably owe this whole journal to her... Well, among other things...

So, this is a little shoutout to my friend E. You're the best. :)

Though if she'll ever see this remains to be seen. Not sure I'm ready to invite the outside world into "my" estrip...

Ok, I'm suddenly deliriously tired, so I'm off to bed...

night peeps!

-J

update- seems i was wrong about being wrong about the beer tasting. maybe it WAS tonight after all. I will get to the bottom of this. But bottom line- sounds like fun, and if it is indeed a monthly thing, we should go next time.

Oops, so I'm retarded.

There is no beer tasting at Shango tonight.
Upon second look, the article that said "beer tasting tomorrow"- was posted on JAN 24th.

It's the last wed of every month.

So maybe we can try again NEXT wednesday.

Bummer. I was looking forward to it....

(new song: one million miles, by J Ralph)

Ok, this is a superquick illegal post from work so I will get to the point.

Just saw in the artvoice that there is beer tasting at Shango tomorrow (wed 3/22). (Shango is "new orleans bistro and wine bar" on main, near UB south campus.)

7-9pm.
10 beers for $10.

Reservations recommended for dinner before or after, but not necessary for just the tasting.
Sounds fun to me...
Any takers?

I'd be down for a meal too- only eaten there once, but it was good. (and it's fun to get all n'awlins nostalgic once in a while.)

Lemme know!

ok peeps i'm out. Maybe i'll come lurk later.