Since no matter who wins an election there will always be someone whining, crying and bitching about foul play, I have developed the perfect method of deciding who will become our next Mayor.
You know how dogs drag their ass on the carpet every now and then? They can't scratch their ass like we can, but I think their method is much more humorous. Since I have basically no faith that local government will ever engage in serious reform, they will metaphorically scratch their ass while we continue to suffer.
We will lay out a giant "track" of carpet with lanes, and every candidate will wear a number on their back. The candidates sponsors can pay for advertising space on their race jerseys. The candidates will drag their ass like a dog from point A to point B. Whoever crosses the finish line first will become the next Mayor of Buffalo!
Jason
Jason's Journal
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08/26/2005 11:01 #23550
Mayoral ElectionCategory: politics
08/25/2005 16:54 #23549
The Husband StoreCategory: relationships
I thought this was rather humorous.
THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
1) You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
2) There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
3) There is, however, a catch . . . you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
1) You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
2) There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
3) There is, however, a catch . . . you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
jason - 08/26/05 09:08
I would stop at floor 4.
I would stop at floor 4.
metalpeter - 08/25/05 18:00
We would stop at 3 cause she cooks and cleans but mainly the unlimited blowjobs. I don't care if she likes football she will be giving head during the game if We are there or if I'm watching at home.
We would stop at 3 cause she cooks and cleans but mainly the unlimited blowjobs. I don't care if she likes football she will be giving head during the game if We are there or if I'm watching at home.
alison - 08/25/05 16:10
that's silly! if you sent a man into a 'wife store' and promised six floors of increasingly appetizing attributes (Floor 1: cooks, Floor 2: cleans, Floor 3: gives unlimited number of blowjobs, Floor 4: looks like pamela anderson, Floor 5: doesn't care if you forget her birthday), every man would go on past Floor 5 to see if she liked football.
that's silly! if you sent a man into a 'wife store' and promised six floors of increasingly appetizing attributes (Floor 1: cooks, Floor 2: cleans, Floor 3: gives unlimited number of blowjobs, Floor 4: looks like pamela anderson, Floor 5: doesn't care if you forget her birthday), every man would go on past Floor 5 to see if she liked football.
08/23/2005 11:02 #23548
Pat Robertson: Assassinate Hugo Chavez!Category: politics
I read today that on the 700 Club television program, Pat Robertson called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez. I'm shocked and disgusted. How can a man call himself a Christian, and go on his Christian television show and advocate the killing of another human being? Furthermore, how can he reconcile that statement with his anti-abortion stance? It's shit like this from the wacko religious right that gives all Christians a black eye, and provides the wacko left with the ammunition they desire to demonize and hate all religious people. Does anyone care to wager that this will show up in our alternative shitrags this week?
Now I'm not saying that Hugo Chavez is a good person or a good leader. He took land away from people and gave it to other people. He has tried to take over the Venezuelan oil industry. For someone who talked about "social revolution", the oil wealth that is generated is not shared among the populace. The country has gone on general strike numerous times. Venezuela is a dangerous, unstable place. As he was a former military man, I have serious doubts that he will ever accept stepping down from power, no matter what the election results say. Communism is a failure of a social and economic experiment. I can't really think of anything good to say about Hugo Chavez, other than the fact that he was indeed elected.
None of this means that we have a reason to assassinate him. Pat Robertson is a fake, a phony.......no Christian in the world should use his Christian television program to promote killing. I read the Holy Bible often - therein are many nuggets of wisdom that I try to keep in mind, the most important to me right now being that "A cheerful heart is good medicine." I'm not a "Super Christian" or a holy roller, but I do try to live by certain guidelines. Out of Pat Robertson's mouth come words of violence and hatred. I want you all to know that in no way does he represent all people of faith. Of course you all are aware of the fact that he is a lunatic, much like Mr. Chavez. By the way Mr. Robertson, are you aware that the assassination of a leader of another nation is against international law?
Jason
Now I'm not saying that Hugo Chavez is a good person or a good leader. He took land away from people and gave it to other people. He has tried to take over the Venezuelan oil industry. For someone who talked about "social revolution", the oil wealth that is generated is not shared among the populace. The country has gone on general strike numerous times. Venezuela is a dangerous, unstable place. As he was a former military man, I have serious doubts that he will ever accept stepping down from power, no matter what the election results say. Communism is a failure of a social and economic experiment. I can't really think of anything good to say about Hugo Chavez, other than the fact that he was indeed elected.
None of this means that we have a reason to assassinate him. Pat Robertson is a fake, a phony.......no Christian in the world should use his Christian television program to promote killing. I read the Holy Bible often - therein are many nuggets of wisdom that I try to keep in mind, the most important to me right now being that "A cheerful heart is good medicine." I'm not a "Super Christian" or a holy roller, but I do try to live by certain guidelines. Out of Pat Robertson's mouth come words of violence and hatred. I want you all to know that in no way does he represent all people of faith. Of course you all are aware of the fact that he is a lunatic, much like Mr. Chavez. By the way Mr. Robertson, are you aware that the assassination of a leader of another nation is against international law?
Jason
jason - 08/25/05 15:58
If the nation supports Chavez, why have the people gone on general strike? It doesn't make very much sense to me. This deserves further research.
If the nation supports Chavez, why have the people gone on general strike? It doesn't make very much sense to me. This deserves further research.
dcoffee - 08/24/05 09:10
well, you were partly right about the media coverage, except this article was originally published by the Associated Press. :::link:::
well, you were partly right about the media coverage, except this article was originally published by the Associated Press. :::link:::
dcoffee - 08/23/05 23:01
from what I understand a solid majority of Venezuelan's suport him, and yes a solid majority of the country is dirt poor. the country has super concenterated wealth, especially in the form of land ownership. Chavez realized that there was basically no way for the poor to get out of poverty and took some drastic measures to change things. change isn't easy but many times it's necessary. I don't care about communism or any of that pie in the sky stuff, but Chavez is alright with me. that's a prety extreme remark from Robertson, sounds like the crusades :-O
from what I understand a solid majority of Venezuelan's suport him, and yes a solid majority of the country is dirt poor. the country has super concenterated wealth, especially in the form of land ownership. Chavez realized that there was basically no way for the poor to get out of poverty and took some drastic measures to change things. change isn't easy but many times it's necessary. I don't care about communism or any of that pie in the sky stuff, but Chavez is alright with me. that's a prety extreme remark from Robertson, sounds like the crusades :-O
joshua - 08/23/05 12:19
I work with a Venezuelan. I can say with some authority that unless you are dirt poor, you basically hate Hugo Chavez with the burning passion of 1000 suns. He is bringing Communism to that country, giving things to people that don't belong to him or them, and is confiscating all private property that generates decent income.
I work with a Venezuelan. I can say with some authority that unless you are dirt poor, you basically hate Hugo Chavez with the burning passion of 1000 suns. He is bringing Communism to that country, giving things to people that don't belong to him or them, and is confiscating all private property that generates decent income.
jason - 08/23/05 10:40
Hehe. I should have made it clear - I don't think all lefties are wacko. In fact you might say that I am more of a social liberal and a fiscal conservative, in general terms. Wackos come in all flavors.
Hehe. I should have made it clear - I don't think all lefties are wacko. In fact you might say that I am more of a social liberal and a fiscal conservative, in general terms. Wackos come in all flavors.
alicia - 08/23/05 10:11
I'm on the left and I don't hate christians. In fact, I grew up catholic. 700 club is a tv show which = propaganda. He's a twisted individual who doesn't know shit about fuck. Ignore him.
I'm on the left and I don't hate christians. In fact, I grew up catholic. 700 club is a tv show which = propaganda. He's a twisted individual who doesn't know shit about fuck. Ignore him.
08/22/2005 09:46 #23547
ChoicesToday, I choose to have a good day.
Jason
PS - Yesterday (e:Ladycroft) came thru with some of those awesome zucchini squares and some tomato so I don't starve to death. We chilled and whatnot - I wasn't thinking about my problems! You the bomb Timika!
Jason
PS - Yesterday (e:Ladycroft) came thru with some of those awesome zucchini squares and some tomato so I don't starve to death. We chilled and whatnot - I wasn't thinking about my problems! You the bomb Timika!
08/21/2005 15:58 #23546
How Do You Get Peace?Category: peace
Someday I hope the world can be war-free. I believe it is wholly unnatural for human beings to fight each other. I also believe the Iraq war was a mistake, as our priorities should have been in Afghanistan. This all being said, I'm not naive enough to think that war is eradicated and replaced with peace by holding peace vigils, lighting candles, holding signs, drafting UN resolutions, or getting into the drum circle.
A number of you believe that nothing, not even your own freedom, is worth fighting for. That's fine. So then it would follow that you would believe that the free world has no responsibility to the world in terms of making sure that nobody is oppressed, and that people all over the planet have basic human rights and living conditions. You're not alone, as evidenced by the world's deafening silence as people in Darfur execute "population control". It is also manifested in the silence regarding North Korea. I can go on and on. There are many situations where if we were a caring, compassionate race, it would enrage all of us to the core, and boots would be on the ground. It has come to my attention that in fact we are not a caring, compassionate race, and that we are willing to ignore atrocities all over the world to ensure we don't have to sacrifice anything.
All of the hope, the vigils, the protests will continue to amount to jack shit as long as there are people in the world who want to fight and kill to maintain power and control the populace. I'll take off my right-winger hat for a moment. I want to open my ears and listen to the leftists out there. I want to know how those of you on the left think we can attain world peace.
Jason
A number of you believe that nothing, not even your own freedom, is worth fighting for. That's fine. So then it would follow that you would believe that the free world has no responsibility to the world in terms of making sure that nobody is oppressed, and that people all over the planet have basic human rights and living conditions. You're not alone, as evidenced by the world's deafening silence as people in Darfur execute "population control". It is also manifested in the silence regarding North Korea. I can go on and on. There are many situations where if we were a caring, compassionate race, it would enrage all of us to the core, and boots would be on the ground. It has come to my attention that in fact we are not a caring, compassionate race, and that we are willing to ignore atrocities all over the world to ensure we don't have to sacrifice anything.
All of the hope, the vigils, the protests will continue to amount to jack shit as long as there are people in the world who want to fight and kill to maintain power and control the populace. I'll take off my right-winger hat for a moment. I want to open my ears and listen to the leftists out there. I want to know how those of you on the left think we can attain world peace.
Jason
metalpeter - 08/22/05 19:58
Some people belive that you have to have an army to create peace. China used to be a bunch of tribes or armies depending on how you look at it. There where verry blody and viscus wars untill One army took over all of china and made it one nation. That is the only way you will have peace in the world. It has been close to happening before. One could argue that if the US decided not to get invovled in WWII until we where attacked one could also argue that we would have let the rest of the world be one big empire and us Mexico canada would have been at peace and the end of wars would mean we would be at peace.
There have been others who have Taken over large areas fo the world but they have fallen eventully. I think that is the only real way for there to be world peace.
Some people belive that you have to have an army to create peace. China used to be a bunch of tribes or armies depending on how you look at it. There where verry blody and viscus wars untill One army took over all of china and made it one nation. That is the only way you will have peace in the world. It has been close to happening before. One could argue that if the US decided not to get invovled in WWII until we where attacked one could also argue that we would have let the rest of the world be one big empire and us Mexico canada would have been at peace and the end of wars would mean we would be at peace.
There have been others who have Taken over large areas fo the world but they have fallen eventully. I think that is the only real way for there to be world peace.
dcoffee - 08/21/05 16:16
It sounds like you might be interested in something I posted recently. it's about the problems in Iraq and policies that could lead us out of that mess.
It sounds like you might be interested in something I posted recently. it's about the problems in Iraq and policies that could lead us out of that mess.
Scooting, it's called scooting. The great mayoral booty scoot, love it.