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Jason's Journal

jason
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08/27/2005 16:04 #23551

Arts Festival
Category: festival
Yes, as (e:Joshua) said we put up the banner. At first I thought we could have two big strings looping around the length of the banner but Joshy's engineering skills proved to be superior.

I like the festival, but there is one thing about it that nearly drives me to violence.

What is it, do you ask? What could make the cuddly, utterly adorable Jason that mad?

There are VERY few places to sit and rest on the block during the fest, and my porch is one of those places. I understand, and I really don't mind when someone wants to sit down and take a break. The problem is that almost every single one of them leaves their half-eaten trash on the porch for my neighbors and I to clean up. WTF IS UP WITH YOU PIGS?!?!?! PEOPLE LIVE HERE!!!!

When I get mad I fantasize about all kinds of nasty evil shit to do to the perpetrators. I've wanted to follow people home and take a dump on their front porch. I've wanted to dump paint on people. I've come up with a much less offensive, yet much more hilarious way of embarrasing people who can't clean up after themselves and disrespect me.

Water balloons are the answer. If I catch someone leaving their junk on my porch they are going to get soaked, period. I don't care how they feel about it, they deserve to be humiliated. Littering a-holes beware!!!!

Jason
metalpeter - 08/27/05 16:07
Put up a sign. Hotties come in and throw out your trash. Or get trashed in side and get ride of the trash all at once. Or maybe put a garbage can on the porch and maybe even put a sign on it Elmwoodstrip.org helping to keep the place clean. First two ideas where jokes of course but they might work, I think the last idea(s) was good. If I knew wich one was you porch I would have left some you a shit voice, kidding of course. But I know it must be a pain in the ass.

08/26/2005 11:01 #23550

Mayoral Election
Category: politics
Since no matter who wins an election there will always be someone whining, crying and bitching about foul play, I have developed the perfect method of deciding who will become our next Mayor.

You know how dogs drag their ass on the carpet every now and then? They can't scratch their ass like we can, but I think their method is much more humorous. Since I have basically no faith that local government will ever engage in serious reform, they will metaphorically scratch their ass while we continue to suffer.

We will lay out a giant "track" of carpet with lanes, and every candidate will wear a number on their back. The candidates sponsors can pay for advertising space on their race jerseys. The candidates will drag their ass like a dog from point A to point B. Whoever crosses the finish line first will become the next Mayor of Buffalo!

Jason
ladycroft - 08/26/05 12:46
Scooting, it's called scooting. The great mayoral booty scoot, love it.

08/25/2005 16:54 #23549

The Husband Store
Category: relationships
I thought this was rather humorous.

THE HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

1) You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
2) There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
3) There is, however, a catch . . . you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

jason - 08/26/05 09:08
I would stop at floor 4.
metalpeter - 08/25/05 18:00
We would stop at 3 cause she cooks and cleans but mainly the unlimited blowjobs. I don't care if she likes football she will be giving head during the game if We are there or if I'm watching at home.
alison - 08/25/05 16:10
that's silly! if you sent a man into a 'wife store' and promised six floors of increasingly appetizing attributes (Floor 1: cooks, Floor 2: cleans, Floor 3: gives unlimited number of blowjobs, Floor 4: looks like pamela anderson, Floor 5: doesn't care if you forget her birthday), every man would go on past Floor 5 to see if she liked football.

08/23/2005 11:02 #23548

Pat Robertson: Assassinate Hugo Chavez!
Category: politics
I read today that on the 700 Club television program, Pat Robertson called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez. I'm shocked and disgusted. How can a man call himself a Christian, and go on his Christian television show and advocate the killing of another human being? Furthermore, how can he reconcile that statement with his anti-abortion stance? It's shit like this from the wacko religious right that gives all Christians a black eye, and provides the wacko left with the ammunition they desire to demonize and hate all religious people. Does anyone care to wager that this will show up in our alternative shitrags this week?

Now I'm not saying that Hugo Chavez is a good person or a good leader. He took land away from people and gave it to other people. He has tried to take over the Venezuelan oil industry. For someone who talked about "social revolution", the oil wealth that is generated is not shared among the populace. The country has gone on general strike numerous times. Venezuela is a dangerous, unstable place. As he was a former military man, I have serious doubts that he will ever accept stepping down from power, no matter what the election results say. Communism is a failure of a social and economic experiment. I can't really think of anything good to say about Hugo Chavez, other than the fact that he was indeed elected.

None of this means that we have a reason to assassinate him. Pat Robertson is a fake, a phony.......no Christian in the world should use his Christian television program to promote killing. I read the Holy Bible often - therein are many nuggets of wisdom that I try to keep in mind, the most important to me right now being that "A cheerful heart is good medicine." I'm not a "Super Christian" or a holy roller, but I do try to live by certain guidelines. Out of Pat Robertson's mouth come words of violence and hatred. I want you all to know that in no way does he represent all people of faith. Of course you all are aware of the fact that he is a lunatic, much like Mr. Chavez. By the way Mr. Robertson, are you aware that the assassination of a leader of another nation is against international law?

Jason
jason - 08/25/05 15:58
If the nation supports Chavez, why have the people gone on general strike? It doesn't make very much sense to me. This deserves further research.
dcoffee - 08/24/05 09:10
well, you were partly right about the media coverage, except this article was originally published by the Associated Press. :::link:::
dcoffee - 08/23/05 23:01
from what I understand a solid majority of Venezuelan's suport him, and yes a solid majority of the country is dirt poor. the country has super concenterated wealth, especially in the form of land ownership. Chavez realized that there was basically no way for the poor to get out of poverty and took some drastic measures to change things. change isn't easy but many times it's necessary. I don't care about communism or any of that pie in the sky stuff, but Chavez is alright with me. that's a prety extreme remark from Robertson, sounds like the crusades :-O
joshua - 08/23/05 12:19
I work with a Venezuelan. I can say with some authority that unless you are dirt poor, you basically hate Hugo Chavez with the burning passion of 1000 suns. He is bringing Communism to that country, giving things to people that don't belong to him or them, and is confiscating all private property that generates decent income.
jason - 08/23/05 10:40
Hehe. I should have made it clear - I don't think all lefties are wacko. In fact you might say that I am more of a social liberal and a fiscal conservative, in general terms. Wackos come in all flavors.
alicia - 08/23/05 10:11
I'm on the left and I don't hate christians. In fact, I grew up catholic. 700 club is a tv show which = propaganda. He's a twisted individual who doesn't know shit about fuck. Ignore him.

08/22/2005 09:46 #23547

Choices
Today, I choose to have a good day.

Jason

PS - Yesterday (e:Ladycroft) came thru with some of those awesome zucchini squares and some tomato so I don't starve to death. We chilled and whatnot - I wasn't thinking about my problems! You the bomb Timika!
joshua - 08/22/05 18:34
Joshy has something for you from Death Valley!
ladycroft - 08/22/05 10:52
You go guy!