I guess it's time for some spring cleaning. My folks are coming this weekend, although their response when I said that Z would entertain them for a few hours on Sunday since I couldn't get out of work was to say that they'd simply not come out until Sunday night. Which shaves a day and a half off their visit, and means there won't be any time really with all four of us together, and breaks my heart. I had so many things I wanted to do with all four of us, and now, Z will be at work the whole time we're here. "But we can have dinner together" is nice, but dinner is not the same as day trips and you know, Dad helping Z fix the goddamn snowblower already.

So that's what had me so sad the other day, and I'm still not quite back to normal. I think I'm having some sort of hormonal something, because I've been feeling unusually worthless of late-- you know how that happens sometimes? I tried to go clothes shopping and wound up sitting in the car crying because I was ugly and incompetent and fat and what-have-you. These things are always very annoying, and I cannot wait for them to be over. However, I can't feel better just by wishing, so I have to wait it out.

I did successfully buy one thing-- a Macbook for Z. (He's promised to pay me back.) It's cute and sexy and I want one. Problem is, I have two computers already. Neither one is perfect-- the laptop needs repairs and is underpowered and under-hard-drived, but I only bought it as a second computer anyway. The desktop is fine but it's a desktop and I can't take it with me everywhere I need a computer.

I really want to get rid of both of those and just get myself a nice new laptop already.
And it's got me thinking: I own too many things that I'm not quite satisfied with but don't quite dare throw out. All these clothes that don't quite suit me, but aren't worn out enough to discard. All these possessions that I don't really enjoy, but I can't justify replacing.

I'm thinking it's about time for me to just scrap everything I don't love. No more hanging on because it's the best I've got. I've been working extra hours lately, and have a bit of extra money. I should just bite the bullet and toss everything that doesn't satisfy me. If it's something I can't live without, I'll replace it with something, but it has to be something perfect. No more half-measures. If it isn't exactly what I need, I don't want it. My life is too cluttered with things I have because I couldn't find anything better, or because they're not broken enough yet to replace.


Does anyone need a used iMac or iBook G4? Do let me know: I'm willing to let either one go relatively cheap. :)

And if you have a thing for old t-shirts, do let me know.

I am thoroughly sad this morning, to the point of being puffy-eyed and snotty-nosed. So attractive, and also, so mature. I am far too old to be this useless, but oh well.

So to distract myself I decided to crack open Photoshop. See, I read Astronomy Photo of the Day pretty much daily. (I have an RSS feed in my LJ friendslist, if you must know.)
Today's photo is of an astronaut doing some spacewalky thing.

I looked at it, and immediately thought of an improvement. So I got out Photoshop, and fixed it:



Click the link! Funny picture! Bonus points if you can see a small reference to current events!

I am so funny. I win at Photoshop.

I'm feeling eversoslightly blue tonight. I've just realized that the stupid damn novel I've spent like a year and a half working on wants to be a trilogy. And nobody but nobody sells a trilogy as her first novel. You just don't.
So I have to put it aside and work on something else. WHich is okay. I need something less ambitious anyway. I could never polish this one into publishable format, not as invested as I am in it-- I have known for a while that I'd have to work up something else.
But oh my God, why the hell does it have to be a trilogy? *weeps* It's like getting accidentally pregnant, deciding to roll with it, and then finding out it's goddamned triplets or something. Jesus. Give me a break here.

So anyhow. I'm changing my journal music and putting up a blues song, just for now. The Susan Tedeschi Band, from the album Better Days: "Hound Dog", most famously done by Elvis.
I was going to put another of her songs up on Gather but after three attempts I'm giving up-- every time, Gather would sit there turning over for a while and then give me the blank Upload screen again, with no number and no confirmation email, so I guess it's not taking new submissions! Oh well.



I have an etiquette question, or a fashion question, or something. (e:zobar) is in a wedding next month. It's an afternoon wedding, and then there's a fancy reception in the evening. (The reception's at 6:30, so, the dinner hour I suppose.)
What the hell do I wear?
And where in Buffalo do I find such a whatever to wear?
Do I need an evening gown?
Where does a girl go to find an evening gown in Buffalo?
Particularly if said girl is an awkward not-fat-not-skinny size? (I am a size 12/14 but have a 34F bust, which means NOTHING FITS and God preserve me from high-necked fashions.)

And do I need a different outfit for the wedding, since the wedding itself is not an evening affair? (One of Z's buddies got married last year or so and everyone showed up to the reception in a different gown than they'd worn to the church! My head about exploded. I didn't know such a thing was possible.)

The single number one issue I have that makes my job unendurable is that I will never ever ever have a holiday off. Any kind of holiday. If there is a day that other people want off, I will not have it off. Day off requests are granted by seniority. I do not have seniority.

My parents have a long weekend at Memorial Day and are coming out to visit me. They have not visited me since July last year. I have not seen them at all since February this year. Ours is a close family, but we never get to see one another. It is more than a little sad.

So my folks are making the 300 mile drive to come see me. I put in as soon as I knew this, and requested off that weekend.

I finally heard back yesterday. I can have the Saturday off, but not the Sunday. Someone more senior to me is also being denied that Sunday off, because we just don't have enough staff to cover it.

The scheduler knows that I rarely request days off and still more rarely actually get them, and so when I do, it's because I really need them. But still.

So. My parents will be here Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I will be at work on Sunday from 11:30 until, well, maybe 2pm if it's dead, maybe 8 pm if it's busy, and there isn't any way of knowing. It depends on the whim of a manager.

So where should I send my folks during that time? I thought of having (e:zobar) take them on some kind of day trip out of town, but then I thought: what if they let me go after just two hours? And I come home, and they're off somewhere, so I end up bumming around alone?

I thought of a few things-- Niagara Falls, the Zoo, a ballgame if there's one going on-- but I'm open to suggestions. (Last time my folks came to town they caught the Naval Museum downtown-- the big ships in the water, which was a big hit with my historian parents-- and the Albright-Knox, which was a hit with my former-museum-curator mother.)
Anyone else have suggestions? My folks like outdoorsy stuff, history stuff, Mom likes baseball, both like architecture and art. They've both been to Niagara Falls in their lives but I don't know how recently. They'll have a car, and (e:zobar) to be their guide. And I may want to join them in the middle, but may not.

Ahh. Brief nap, chill-out session, rereading a story I like, and I feel better. It's raining now, which makes me happy-- it's a soft rain, and I just planted a bunch of plants-- all my peppers are out now, and the few zinneas I got to sprout, and if it weren't raining I'd worry about them wilting. Especially a couple of the peppers-- I should have separated them. I put four seeds in each big container, and they've been in there twelve weeks now. Several of them, only one or two of the seeds sprouted, and those were fine, but in a couple of them, all four came up, and I should have separated the survivors. Today they were an indistinguishable tangle of roots, and a couple of the plants may not survive having been separated. The tomatoes fared better, but then, it took them a shorter time to get this tall. (I started the peppers a couple of weeks before the tomatoes.)

I have writing to do but I am very tired, for some reason, and feel quite daunted by the prospect of the task.

But. New journal music, slightly mournful but upbeat: Billy Bragg, "A New England".
I don't want to change the world
I'm not looking for a new England
I'm just looking for another girl
goes the chorus, and I kind of empathise. There are so many things I object to so strongly in what is going on in the world today, things that are being done in our names without the slightest respect for our wishes. But I can't make my brain operate on that scale. I can barely cope with the individual-scaled issues that confront me; how can I even begin to grapple with the humankind-scaled issues?

Not to be overly serious. My favorite line of the song is this one:
I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them, but they were only sattelites
Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?
I wish, I wish, I wish you cared.

If you want a copy yourself, (e:zobar) taught me to use Gather this morning.
I love Billy Bragg's aesthetic. This is one of his solo songs, just him and an electric guitar. I was going to upload one of the ones he did with Wilco, but this one was easier to get. (The other one was in AAC format.) And this one's more apt to my mood.

Ah, yes. The number.
Gather #: 0720492001147722419