When (e:zobar) says I took "a mental health day" he neglects to mention that I was lightheaded, disconnected, and seeing goddamned pink elephants.
OK, maybe not elephants, but everything was pretty colors and I was completely disconnected from real life. I woke up groggy and sinus-achey and took a Sudafed-- one, one half-dose, of Sudafed-- and promptly became so fucking high. I mean, the previous night I'd smoked a joint and had three beers and had not been this high. But today, eighteen hours later, one little tablet for the sniffles and I was out of this world.

Going to work on a high like that seemed to be a relatively bad idea. So instead I went to brunch, held my shit together reasonably well, and then went to hit the art festival.

We hit all the festivals, and stopped by Neitsche's. Joe-the-owner was working the door, and charged us the cover but then instructed the bartender to give us a beer. So we each had a beer. Whereupon I was high AND wasted. (Mind you, the Sudafed had been consumed about six hours previous by this point, so I couldn't even tell you what the hell was wrong with me.)
We sat in there in the blessed loud darkness for two or three hours all told, and later did a shot with Joe, followed by a beer chaser.

I tell you, Allentown is at its best when you can't really see straight. I had a blast.
And it's the only time in about the last week that I haven't had a headache. Freaking cold of Doom, here-- I almost called in *last* Sunday, but decided against it. It's sort of ridiculous by this point. I've felt so bad for so long that work must think I'm making it up. At the moment my sinuses are better but I have this killer headache-- I had a glass of red wine with dinner, followed by two cups of coffee and three of water (and it's not like the diuretic effects dehydrated me, as I haven't been to the ladies' room even once, camel-like creature that I am)... Man.

But anyway. Saw the Art Festival while so fucking high and have decided that it's the best way to go. I just wish I knew what it was that made me like that, and that I could kind of do it on command, as it's sort of not a good way to live one's life.


In other news, I want to start making my own clothes. Does anyone do that, around here? In particular (and this is what makes me either weird or dumb), I want to make my own foundation undergarments. Why? Because the only bras I have that fit me cost me like $50 and had to be imported from Britain.
I don't even know what size I am in American sizes, but in British sizes I'm a 34/36F/FF.

I'm glad we've been having all this rain, as it saves me having to water the garden where I just planted more stuff, but it sort of bums me out because I have so much more garden work to do. Oh well. I have work-work to go to instead anyway, and I'm so battered and exhausted from that...
Note to everybody: If flying anywhere in the summer, book your flight in the morning, because in the afternoons, often thunderstorm systems roll in, making the air unflyable. Thunderstorms generate dangerous turbulence and airliners cannot fly in them. If you are flying in the afternoon or evening, there's a damn good chance there'll be weather either this end or at the other, and it means you'll be sitting in the airport bar for an awful long time. Ask (e:jenks) how much a beer costs there, because if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Also, when your plane's delayed and you go into the bar, please understand that pretty much the entire rest of your flight just did the same thing, and so the bartenders might be a little overwhelmed. Please have a tiny bit of patience and don't snap at us. Also, when you suddenly realize ZOMG MY PLANE'S LEAVING RIGHT THIS SECOND, perhaps that's not the best time to pay the check, because guess what? The rest of your flight's passengers are probably all saying the exact same thing. Chill out a minute, ok? And next time, don't ignore the waitress for three hours when she asks if you need anything.

Sigh. Good to have that off my chest.

In other news, I really want to buy a harp and learn to play it. Would that be silly? I've studied piano and guitar, so how hard could it be? And they're not all that much on ebay.
A recent Getting Fired (I Wish) scare at work has convinced me not to buy any big-ticket items (like a new computer), so I'm sucking it up with the two I have. But I could get a harp. I'll get a busker's license and if I get fired I'll at least raise the money I spent on the instrument, right?
It's just so hard for me to talk myself into spending money on myself.

Nice weather today.
Laughing at (e:carolinian)'s National Grid saga, as I actually sat down at my computer just now with the express purpose of checking whether I'd paid my National Grid bill, as I just got another, vaguely threatening letter from them but am sure I did just pay them. And, indeed, I did, and it went through a week ago, so I've no idea what they're on about. Dumbasses.

(e:zobar) is wearing a very cool t-shirt today. I hope he'll post a picture.

I have a Saga going on at work, and I'm more amused than annoyed. As I explained to the union steward, I sort of am hoping they'll fire me, because it's too good a job to quit, but I'm damn sick of the bullshit there. Which puts me in a perfect position to fight all my grievances with the union, because The Worst That Could Happen is that they fire me, which I sort of wanted anyway.
The hardest part is that I can't do anything else that would give them an excuse to fire me.

My parents' visit was awesome. We didn't really do any activities at all-- just hung around the house and did work, and then ate out a few cool places and took pictures of pretty stones (and one wild turkey) in Forest Lawn cemetery.
But I miss my folks already.

I am having an idea about another column I could write for the newspaper. It seems overambitious, however. I should stop with this already.
I am feeling a little smug, however, to find out that the other, long-time restaurant critic has also been put on hold lately, so it's not just me who's not getting to write anything. Ha. I guess I feel a bit better about being ignored.

I've just completed one major spring cleaning task.
This is something that's taken me four years to do.

I paid off one of my student loans!!


Now, in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. I have one big sucka of a loan left, five digits, that's the bulk of my education expenses, and I've barely made a dent in that. But my final year of school, the financial aid office in their infinite wisdom decided that since my older sister had graduated, they would cut their aid to me.
Despite the fact that my younger sister had just started school.

So, with absolutely no notice or anything, they simply slashed my aid and sent us a bigger bill. It was only after several months of fruitless inquiry that they finally saw fit to explain this to us.
Worse, they'd cut my work-study funding, which was how i was able to have a job. My job of three years was over, because my wages were no longer subsidized.
They offered to give me work-study as a loan, which would mean that I was paid for the work I did in money they were loaning me. "Couldn't you just, you know, loan me the money and not make me work for it?" I asked. It seemed dumb for me to have to work to earn money I'd have to repay. "Sure," they said, and thus, The Smaller Student Loan was born.

It's at twice the interest of the big loan. I meant to just pay it off in one fell swoop. But I've never had the cash. Until today! Well, until last month. My tax refund just about covers it, so I was just waiting for the next statement to arrive. This loan is from some shady company that totally sold my information to credit card companies, and when I was unemployed and asked for a deferment they gave it to me but then turned my bill over to a collections agency anyway, so I hate them and am glad to be rid of them.

I guess it's time for some spring cleaning. My folks are coming this weekend, although their response when I said that Z would entertain them for a few hours on Sunday since I couldn't get out of work was to say that they'd simply not come out until Sunday night. Which shaves a day and a half off their visit, and means there won't be any time really with all four of us together, and breaks my heart. I had so many things I wanted to do with all four of us, and now, Z will be at work the whole time we're here. "But we can have dinner together" is nice, but dinner is not the same as day trips and you know, Dad helping Z fix the goddamn snowblower already.

So that's what had me so sad the other day, and I'm still not quite back to normal. I think I'm having some sort of hormonal something, because I've been feeling unusually worthless of late-- you know how that happens sometimes? I tried to go clothes shopping and wound up sitting in the car crying because I was ugly and incompetent and fat and what-have-you. These things are always very annoying, and I cannot wait for them to be over. However, I can't feel better just by wishing, so I have to wait it out.

I did successfully buy one thing-- a Macbook for Z. (He's promised to pay me back.) It's cute and sexy and I want one. Problem is, I have two computers already. Neither one is perfect-- the laptop needs repairs and is underpowered and under-hard-drived, but I only bought it as a second computer anyway. The desktop is fine but it's a desktop and I can't take it with me everywhere I need a computer.

I really want to get rid of both of those and just get myself a nice new laptop already.
And it's got me thinking: I own too many things that I'm not quite satisfied with but don't quite dare throw out. All these clothes that don't quite suit me, but aren't worn out enough to discard. All these possessions that I don't really enjoy, but I can't justify replacing.

I'm thinking it's about time for me to just scrap everything I don't love. No more hanging on because it's the best I've got. I've been working extra hours lately, and have a bit of extra money. I should just bite the bullet and toss everything that doesn't satisfy me. If it's something I can't live without, I'll replace it with something, but it has to be something perfect. No more half-measures. If it isn't exactly what I need, I don't want it. My life is too cluttered with things I have because I couldn't find anything better, or because they're not broken enough yet to replace.


Does anyone need a used iMac or iBook G4? Do let me know: I'm willing to let either one go relatively cheap. :)

And if you have a thing for old t-shirts, do let me know.