A friend of mine has a studio with some other artists called Art Brutale at 2923 Main Street, near Sisters Hospital. They had an Open mic last night Thursday. I got a chance to meet some really cool peeps! New musicians, new poets and new artists. It felt good to read again. I read three poems that were never read aloud. The other thing that was really cool was the relaxed atmosphere and the communication between the reader and the audience, got some feedback on a new work in progress. It felt good.
For all those e-peeps that like to try something new, you might want to give the small but family style gallery a try. There is a number of different events that they have from art on the walls, t-shirts for sale for the gallery and a local rapper, poet, artist: MC Vendetta. Very cool. Music. All around arts.

Happy Valentine's Day or Happy Black Monday a little late. It is a funny thing I only celebrate the Hallmark holiday when I am single and unattached. When I have been in a relationship or dating, my boyfriends at the time, didn't think it was important to celebrate Valentine's Day.
I celebrate it with a day of doing all the things I never have the time I'd like to spend doing. Usually uneventful, but with a friend or doing a favorite activity. Last year I learned how to knit with my best friend, Andi. This year I was by myself on the official holiday doing my artwork. A little out of practice, but struggling to work on a new series that has been incubating in my mind for 5 years... I think I am struggling to birth the series in a painting series. I have half of the sketching done, a third of the canvas's prep ed and only one canvas almost finished.
This year I loved myself fulfilling my passion with my art.
I went to see Wedding Date with my best friend the evening before and Shall We Dance this past Friday with my mom. Between the two movies I think I have a renewed spirit about LOVE.
I have discovered I have the capability to fall in love easily, it is picking up the pieces afterword - that is the real trick.
I fell into a deep depression after taking the risk and telling my new love interest, here is the rub, he never said he didn't love me in return, he also never said he did love me in return. Only that he was honored that I could share my inner most feelings to him. He told me that I was courageous because I was a risk taker and told him that I felt I was falling in love with him, but he never believed that someone as cool as me could love him. I was shocked, hurt, happy, delirious. See it wasn't the answer I was expecting or even not expecting...it was a new place for me. We talked for several months and then he did a Houdini. Beware of falling in love with Scorpio's they sting a bit! After several months of Silence - I decided I needed closure for my own sanity and that is when the healing roller coaster ride began. The Viper would have been a welcomed ride after this nerve racking test of self exploration to return from the bliss of love. I returned to myself alone and sad at the non results from my risk. I went through the usual assortment of mixed emotions: What did I do wrong?, Could I have done anything differently? Maybe I wasn't in love with him after all?, He doesn't love me and I don't know why?, It was all a dream, an illusion, a fantasy. Then reality set in, I still think about him often and 6 months later I am ready to let both my friend and my romantic interest in him go. The hardest part is the grief of losing a kindred spirit, he was in my life for 10 years and now he is gone. True - maybe not forever. Anyone knows as Scorpio's go 3 days, 6 weeks, 9 months or 12 years later they reappear as if nothing has happened since the last time they saw you.
I deserve a love that time will stand still for. A love that all of nature will be our witness. There will be no doubt we love each other. Until then I am open to new experiences, but I think I am more guarded about letting just any suitors in.
What do we really know about another person? Until we meet their family and friends and verify everything they have told us, we never really know that person. We can never really know everything about another person and it shouldn't really matter as long as there is a healthy skepticism to screen people who might be dangerous to our well-being. Once we have past the skepticism there is only the truth. We just are and if we can accept that about each other then anything is possible.

April 25th (Sunday) between 1 and 8 pm at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood Avenue will be a poetry event where I will be reading. Celia White and Joe Todaro are in charge of this poetry event in our community and this will be the 4th Annual Urban Epiphany. There are several poets reading per hour and the event is usually video taped for any of the poets who are reading to have a copy of your performance. I will give directions to the spot with address a little later when I have more information.

I can't believe it has been a month since last I wrote anything. I have been working on my new job and all its rigorous requirements. Attempting to finish my incompete on time, but do to being sick I have spent most of the month on and off the couch with boxes of Kleenex, cough syrup, cough drops and just trying to feel better.
My dad is in the hospital for the last 11 days and most of those evenings were hanging out with dad. My Uncle Mike died. We couldn't go to the funeral due to dad being sick and I had work. I think we might go visit in the spring. The doctors say my dad has 6 to 12 months to live if he stay at his current health status. I have written before about all that. I don't think I am ready for his death. Then again we never are. The Pollyanna in me, says it is possible for him to get better and maybe live another ten years. He is only 57, he is so young to be SO sick.
My job has it's ups and downs and I am learning to fight the good fight. I have been figuring out what is really important to me.
I have been working on my artwork again. That feels really good, but I am taking it slowly. Trying to find little bits of happiness everyday. I started writ ting poetry again. That feels good too. [size=xxl]I have been invited to read at the Urban Epiphany on the Th of April at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood ave. More details as the date gets closer. I will be reading between the 5-PM hour. [/size]
I think the moon is void of course this day and that is why I have been getting absolutely nothing done today. Very frustrating.
I am rediscovering my social life and slowing down my work life into a reasonable pace right along with some of my career goals.

My father had two back to back surgeries for his renal dialysis procedures to fix some complications with his treatment. He has been in the hospital for 3 days and came home yesterday. I love my family, but sometimes they are very inconsiderate.
I had plans with my mom to help fit my best friend for the wedding she is the maid of honor in in a few weeks. We had this planed and my father who had just come home knew about it too! No problems.
I have a whole bunch of work to get caught up on right after I finished this big project for this Thursday. I am making sure I haven't forgotten anything. Grades. Correcting papers. Lesson plans. Demonstrations for class to explain each step with them for the harder projects... etc...
It is an hour before my best friend is to come over. She calls to double check the time and that my dad is OK with visitors. Yes, everything is a go. I'll see her at PM. I keep working figuring, who cares if my best friend sees me unshowered and in my sweats. I had work to do. So instead of taking a shower I worked and helped my dad. Mom had to go to Tops and Wegman's an errand for dad and prescriptions to be filled, as he needed pain medications immediately! So mom went to make sure that dad would get his meds on time and stay as comfortable as can be expected after surgery.
The phone rings, it is my downstairs neighbor to tell us "We are having company. My uncle and his girlfriend are coming over now." I'm like OK. So I started straightening up the living room and loOKing for the stuff to make coffee. It is true I do not drink lots of coffee and it is my parents house therefore I wasn't sure where everything was and how any scoops to make, etc...
It's four o'clock and there is a knock at the door, it's my best friend. Accidentally she was told by my Uncle to park in my drive which is currently rented out to my other neighbor. I apologized and told her to park in my mom's spot and mom will park in front of the house. So she did and came back upstairs. We all chatted a moment and I asked her if she wanted tea or water or something else we might have. She wanted water and we went into the kitchen. Partly to let my dad relax and so that I could continue the coffee quest.
Then my Uncle and his girlfriend came up without taking off their shoes, as my parents just got new carpeting laid. They commented on it, but did not take their shoes off - how rude! I just made a sign, maybe that will help! I didn't say anything because dad was talking. I went back to making coffee and entertaining my best friend who I don't see that often. We were talking. My Uncle's girlfriend came in to make the coffee and was totally rude and condescending to my friend. I think was mostly in shock and then without any notice... there is another knock at the door, it's my cousin and a friend. No warning what so ever that they were coming. I'm like ok. NOW what. Feeling highly frustrated and irritated I went back to what I was doing finding coffee and making it for the guests, which left me out of the running and my throat is sore. Anyway, I spend time with my friend in another room waiting for my mom to get back to try the dress on and see if there are any needed alterations.
I was showing her the work that I was doing with my students and the big project, we were slightly disgusted with the way the conversation was headed and were trying to not pay attention. My Uncle's girlfriend is nice, but I think she is starting to show her true colors. Always asking really personal questions, passing judgement and always giving her opinion - as if anyone really cared.
When mom came home I helped her carry in the groceries and unpack them, we (my best friend, mom and I ) chatted in the kitchen for a bit and then went to try the dress on and work on what she came to do. We did walking through their conversation to get to the bathroom where there is a large mirror and my mom's bedroom to work on the alterations. They of course had to make comments. I am like this is unbelievable! I was getting passed my patience. We visited with the doors closed because my friend was taking her cloths on and off to try and retry the dress on to make sure everything fit just right! Very important for the occasion! They left while we were in mom's room. Thank fully.
Then my dad asked me why I didn't say hi to my cousin. I'm like he doesn't know how to walk up to me and introduce me to his friend so that I could also introduce him to my friend. Why do I always have to play hostess with the mostess? They came unannounced, with more people than planned. They couldn't take off their shoes when they noticed that everyone else - like my company - had theirs off. They gave dad the third degree and did they realize this would take a toll on my dad - NO!
So I went back to my company and the fitting and we visited for a little while. I invited my best friend for dinner, but she had dinner waiting at home. WE thought maybe go to the show next week, just to relax and hang out.
Dad asked me why she didn't stay I told him. He was really tired and in lots of pain. He just didn't want anyone else to see it. He let his guard down when everyone left and told mom and I how he was doing. We ate dinner. Watched TV. I helped him with his meds.
Later we had another guest, a friend of my dad's who he really wanted to see. He visited for a short while then left. We had snacks so that dad could take his pain pills. Watched more TV and tried to make dad comfortable. Which was hard to do, since he is in pain either way. We were there, just in case he needed anything.
I just can't believe my family...