I have been sick for 8 weeks officially today. It is viral. I can not believe how a little thing like staying hydrated can make the difference to some-what-normal functioning versus complete shut down into rip van winkle mode. All the important preventative measures: vitamin c, pushing the fluids (water especially), a multi-vitamin, trying to eat solid foods that react well with ones intestines, getting 8 hours of sleep, taking naps when tired, and taking all the medication the doctor gives me.
This makes me tired of most things and most of all other people's psycho dramas. I am glad I am slowly developing a social life again, but most people don't really care that you feel like shit and it isn't going away no matter how good you are.
One friend is in love with a man who is recovering from a divorce and he is doing the best he can to heal because he really wants to be with her. She is sitting on her laurels partly pining away and when the insecurity mounts she sabotages the relationship that they have worked so hard to repair. She is using the sexuality sword. Currently they have both agreed do to several thousand miles to have another sexual partner. Yet their fragile emotions don't seem to be doing well with this emotional, what if - about the other person they don't know, but they know their significant other is sleeping with. This is truly a tangled web. I don't really believe either wants to force the others hand, but they both have conflicting interests and the thing that is holding them together is love, but they are afraid to call it that.
I am happy for another friend who has a date over the next coming days. Too long over due! It is a good thing for a girl to be in love. I think it is a healthy state to be in as long as you keep it in perspective. I am wary about the BLISS stage, unless it can stand the test of time.
I just recently got back in touch with a new friend from the summer and we are writing furiously about how maniacally crazy our year has been. It is so good to be in conversation with her.
I have another friend who is in-love with another friend of mine. The romance has ended. She is fine. He is not. I have been trying to be the sounding board to help him get where he has got to go, but I am feeling a little like either way I might betray one of them at any time. She is a better friend, when she can. He is a new friend. I am trying to be neutral ground.
I found out new information about where I go to vacation and want to get involved in the changes but being that my life has such volatile changes on a daily basis I want to wait until some of the deadlines have passed.
My dad is out of the hospital and home heal ling. I am his alternate nurse. My mom can't deal with blood. I can. She can do with other bodily fluids, most of which I have no desire to deal with - so that is her job. I still go through my ER - Journal emotions pretty regularly. There are good days and there are bad days.
PMSing and Stress recently have been the monkey on my back and once I could identify the mischievous monkeys I felt immediate relief. PMS rises it's ugly head every now and again. Stress has been a perpetual state of existence this 9 months or so. Therefore it is just figuring out when there is a problem and how much of a peak it is. High or low.
Bills always present. So my finances are relatively stable but not exactly where I want them. Things could be better, but things could also be worse. I'll take what i have and pray for better once the certification hoops are successfully completed.
Teaching is a funny business. Students are always unpredictable. There always seems to be a conundrum that always needs to be unraveled.
I myself have been a bad student. I have an incomplete whose deadline is rearing its ugly head at me and I am only half-way through my coursework. I am off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz and try to complete the impossible incomplete on time!

A friend of mine has a studio with some other artists called Art Brutale at 2923 Main Street, near Sisters Hospital. They had an Open mic last night Thursday. I got a chance to meet some really cool peeps! New musicians, new poets and new artists. It felt good to read again. I read three poems that were never read aloud. The other thing that was really cool was the relaxed atmosphere and the communication between the reader and the audience, got some feedback on a new work in progress. It felt good.
For all those e-peeps that like to try something new, you might want to give the small but family style gallery a try. There is a number of different events that they have from art on the walls, t-shirts for sale for the gallery and a local rapper, poet, artist: MC Vendetta. Very cool. Music. All around arts.

April 25th (Sunday) between 1 and 8 pm at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood Avenue will be a poetry event where I will be reading. Celia White and Joe Todaro are in charge of this poetry event in our community and this will be the 4th Annual Urban Epiphany. There are several poets reading per hour and the event is usually video taped for any of the poets who are reading to have a copy of your performance. I will give directions to the spot with address a little later when I have more information.

Happy Valentine's Day or Happy Black Monday a little late. It is a funny thing I only celebrate the Hallmark holiday when I am single and unattached. When I have been in a relationship or dating, my boyfriends at the time, didn't think it was important to celebrate Valentine's Day.
I celebrate it with a day of doing all the things I never have the time I'd like to spend doing. Usually uneventful, but with a friend or doing a favorite activity. Last year I learned how to knit with my best friend, Andi. This year I was by myself on the official holiday doing my artwork. A little out of practice, but struggling to work on a new series that has been incubating in my mind for 5 years... I think I am struggling to birth the series in a painting series. I have half of the sketching done, a third of the canvas's prep ed and only one canvas almost finished.
This year I loved myself fulfilling my passion with my art.
I went to see Wedding Date with my best friend the evening before and Shall We Dance this past Friday with my mom. Between the two movies I think I have a renewed spirit about LOVE.
I have discovered I have the capability to fall in love easily, it is picking up the pieces afterword - that is the real trick.
I fell into a deep depression after taking the risk and telling my new love interest, here is the rub, he never said he didn't love me in return, he also never said he did love me in return. Only that he was honored that I could share my inner most feelings to him. He told me that I was courageous because I was a risk taker and told him that I felt I was falling in love with him, but he never believed that someone as cool as me could love him. I was shocked, hurt, happy, delirious. See it wasn't the answer I was expecting or even not expecting...it was a new place for me. We talked for several months and then he did a Houdini. Beware of falling in love with Scorpio's they sting a bit! After several months of Silence - I decided I needed closure for my own sanity and that is when the healing roller coaster ride began. The Viper would have been a welcomed ride after this nerve racking test of self exploration to return from the bliss of love. I returned to myself alone and sad at the non results from my risk. I went through the usual assortment of mixed emotions: What did I do wrong?, Could I have done anything differently? Maybe I wasn't in love with him after all?, He doesn't love me and I don't know why?, It was all a dream, an illusion, a fantasy. Then reality set in, I still think about him often and 6 months later I am ready to let both my friend and my romantic interest in him go. The hardest part is the grief of losing a kindred spirit, he was in my life for 10 years and now he is gone. True - maybe not forever. Anyone knows as Scorpio's go 3 days, 6 weeks, 9 months or 12 years later they reappear as if nothing has happened since the last time they saw you.
I deserve a love that time will stand still for. A love that all of nature will be our witness. There will be no doubt we love each other. Until then I am open to new experiences, but I think I am more guarded about letting just any suitors in.
What do we really know about another person? Until we meet their family and friends and verify everything they have told us, we never really know that person. We can never really know everything about another person and it shouldn't really matter as long as there is a healthy skepticism to screen people who might be dangerous to our well-being. Once we have past the skepticism there is only the truth. We just are and if we can accept that about each other then anything is possible.

I can't believe it has been a month since last I wrote anything. I have been working on my new job and all its rigorous requirements. Attempting to finish my incompete on time, but do to being sick I have spent most of the month on and off the couch with boxes of Kleenex, cough syrup, cough drops and just trying to feel better.
My dad is in the hospital for the last 11 days and most of those evenings were hanging out with dad. My Uncle Mike died. We couldn't go to the funeral due to dad being sick and I had work. I think we might go visit in the spring. The doctors say my dad has 6 to 12 months to live if he stay at his current health status. I have written before about all that. I don't think I am ready for his death. Then again we never are. The Pollyanna in me, says it is possible for him to get better and maybe live another ten years. He is only 57, he is so young to be SO sick.
My job has it's ups and downs and I am learning to fight the good fight. I have been figuring out what is really important to me.
I have been working on my artwork again. That feels really good, but I am taking it slowly. Trying to find little bits of happiness everyday. I started writ ting poetry again. That feels good too. [size=xxl]I have been invited to read at the Urban Epiphany on the Th of April at the Unitarian Church on Elmwood ave. More details as the date gets closer. I will be reading between the 5-PM hour. [/size]
I think the moon is void of course this day and that is why I have been getting absolutely nothing done today. Very frustrating.
I am rediscovering my social life and slowing down my work life into a reasonable pace right along with some of my career goals.