Thought of the day: relationships suck. Especially when you're torn between wanting to be with someone at all costs and listening to the people you know and trust (yourself included) who have correctly pointed the number of difficulties that you've had in your relationship.
And so I'm faced with a paradox. It feels like the relationship was always meant to be, and that I know the person as well as I know myself. Yet at the same time the other half the relationship is unwilling to match the 50% of the compromise, sacrifice, and personal growth that I'm willing to put forward, and ones wiser than myself tell me that these attributes are cornerstones of relationships that are meant to be.
I know that no amount of complaining that I do will resolve any of these issues, as sorely tempted as I am to do this (which I probably will do over the next several weeks). For tonight, the most I can do is ponder how confused I am right now and take some comfort in the fact that writing this all down makes me feel better.
Carolinian's Journal
My Podcast Link
09/26/2006 22:17 #21085
WWFD (What Would Frasier Do?)Category: love
09/22/2006 03:01 #21084
First new year's resolutionCategory: life
It's new year's eve, and I think my first resolution for the year of our lord 5767 will have to be to get my butt to bed at a regular hour more often.
theecarey - 09/23/06 01:06
Reflections on your life of the year past and how you want the days yet to come to progress can be a powerful thing; I still have a few months to think about it ;)
Happy Rosh Hashanah!
Reflections on your life of the year past and how you want the days yet to come to progress can be a powerful thing; I still have a few months to think about it ;)
Happy Rosh Hashanah!
metalpeter - 09/22/06 19:24
Yeah but if you went to bed at a regular time you would miss New Years Eve and then not be able to make the resoulution, I'm joking around of course. Hey sometimes it is hard to get to bed early.
Yeah but if you went to bed at a regular time you would miss New Years Eve and then not be able to make the resoulution, I'm joking around of course. Hey sometimes it is hard to get to bed early.
jenks - 09/22/06 17:51
hehe, I routinely snooze for (at least) an hour. But that is b/c I (try to) get up at 430 and am an idiot and stay up til midnight most of the time.
hehe, I routinely snooze for (at least) an hour. But that is b/c I (try to) get up at 430 and am an idiot and stay up til midnight most of the time.
imk2 - 09/22/06 08:51
you should be like me and be in bed by 9pm. yup, i said it. i go to be at 9 to wake up by 6am and i still cant roll my ass out of bed without hitting the snooze bar 3 times. but, on the upside, i usually dont fall asleep at my desk come 2pm.
you should be like me and be in bed by 9pm. yup, i said it. i go to be at 9 to wake up by 6am and i still cant roll my ass out of bed without hitting the snooze bar 3 times. but, on the upside, i usually dont fall asleep at my desk come 2pm.
09/12/2006 00:59 #21083
A little belated, perhapsCategory: life
I might as well join in on the 9/11 recount.
When 9/11 happened, I was on the Internet. I didn't know it had happened--strangely enough, the sites I was browsing didn't mention it. It must have been around 4PM when my mom called downstairs to tell me that some crazy people flew planes into the world trade center.
After that, the entire month of September was unbearable, and I largely blame the media for this. The TV was just one long loop of planes crashing into buildings over and over again, set to the soundtrack of mindless commentary of news commentators who honestly though their endless jabber would some how shed more light on what happened.
The worst part of it, though, was seeing the people jumping off the WTC on TV. That's without a doubt the worst thing I've ever seen; I had wondered how horror movies were every supposed to be scary again after seeing something this bad. And of course, I had to see those images of people jumping to their deaths looped over and over again, again set to the soundtrack of more useless commentary. And no matter what I did, I just couldn't escape the awful replay and useless talk.
Ever since then, I've suffered from 9/11 fatigue. I absolutely do not give one wit about the latest 9/11 movies and I outright refuse to go to them with my friends. If my friends watch something about 9/11 on the History Channel, I just go in the other room. And I can't listen to Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" because that song so effectively sums up how I felt that entire month--"I'm being overwhelmed, I think I'll go to my bedroom and take a nap, wake me up when this stupid thing is over and people are ready to accept this tragedy and learn from it instead of replaying it pointlessly."
And that's my recounting of what I experienced on 9/11.
When 9/11 happened, I was on the Internet. I didn't know it had happened--strangely enough, the sites I was browsing didn't mention it. It must have been around 4PM when my mom called downstairs to tell me that some crazy people flew planes into the world trade center.
After that, the entire month of September was unbearable, and I largely blame the media for this. The TV was just one long loop of planes crashing into buildings over and over again, set to the soundtrack of mindless commentary of news commentators who honestly though their endless jabber would some how shed more light on what happened.
The worst part of it, though, was seeing the people jumping off the WTC on TV. That's without a doubt the worst thing I've ever seen; I had wondered how horror movies were every supposed to be scary again after seeing something this bad. And of course, I had to see those images of people jumping to their deaths looped over and over again, again set to the soundtrack of more useless commentary. And no matter what I did, I just couldn't escape the awful replay and useless talk.
Ever since then, I've suffered from 9/11 fatigue. I absolutely do not give one wit about the latest 9/11 movies and I outright refuse to go to them with my friends. If my friends watch something about 9/11 on the History Channel, I just go in the other room. And I can't listen to Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends" because that song so effectively sums up how I felt that entire month--"I'm being overwhelmed, I think I'll go to my bedroom and take a nap, wake me up when this stupid thing is over and people are ready to accept this tragedy and learn from it instead of replaying it pointlessly."
And that's my recounting of what I experienced on 9/11.
jenks - 09/12/06 13:36
I couldn't agree more. I was in a meeting, and when I came out, my (jokester) friend was like "hey guess what terrorists blew up the WTC!" and i said 'haha very funny', only to learn he wasn't joking. After days of trying to get through to my friends in NYC, and nonstop media barrage- I was (and am) sick of it. Yes it was terrible, yes I feel bad for everyone- but I don't want to see it, hear about it, or talk about it any more. I think this whole spate of 5-yr anniversary specials is gross and tacky. Just a way to commercialize tragedy. It's not like we're going to forget... Especially when I have friends in NY who miss no chance to tell me that I "just don't understand what it's like to live in post 9/11 new york". Puh-leeze. Spare me.
I couldn't agree more. I was in a meeting, and when I came out, my (jokester) friend was like "hey guess what terrorists blew up the WTC!" and i said 'haha very funny', only to learn he wasn't joking. After days of trying to get through to my friends in NYC, and nonstop media barrage- I was (and am) sick of it. Yes it was terrible, yes I feel bad for everyone- but I don't want to see it, hear about it, or talk about it any more. I think this whole spate of 5-yr anniversary specials is gross and tacky. Just a way to commercialize tragedy. It's not like we're going to forget... Especially when I have friends in NY who miss no chance to tell me that I "just don't understand what it's like to live in post 9/11 new york". Puh-leeze. Spare me.
09/04/2006 01:41 #21082
labor day weekend recapCategory: life
Friday.
Hard day at work. Made me very tired. Took a nap at 8:00PM to get refreshed for the party at 10PM. When I woke up, it was 5AM. Dammit, I suck.
Verdict On Friday:
I seem to have a difficult time with this alcohol in moderation. Last week, I drink too much, and by accident pass out on a couch on a porch, and miss most of the next day in an awful hangover. Friday, I ended up by accident going to bed ultra-early and stone-cold sober. I'm now at the other extreme.
Saturday.
Got up real early. 5AM. Way damn to early for my own good. Did some stuff around the house. Went to the (e:ladycroft) and (e:nejifer) birthday party. It's actually right around the corner from my place, so I didn't have to drive. At 3:30AM, I eventually make my way back to my apartment and crash.
Verdict On Saturday:
High points:
I got up early. My Circadian rhythms might some day align with the rising and setting of the sun.
I got to see lots of (e:peeps), as well as meet some cool new people.
I was reminded of my days spent at Ithaca College with foreign exchange students. I forgot how much they could be.
I helped save the cake at the party by grabbing the third corner of the tray. Were it not for my actions, the cake might have smashed to the floor.
There were half-naked people dancing. Very amusing.
I practiced far more moderation than I did at the last party.
Counterpoints:
By getting up early, I reduce my ability to stay up really late, and will want to go to sleep really early.
I realize that I would have had ever more fun at the party if I hadn't stopped taking french, german, and spanish courses in college.
I helped save the cake from accidently smashing to the floor, only to see it later intentionally smashed into the faces of (e:nejifer) (e:ladycroft) and (e:decoyisryan) . Though I've got to admit, the second outcome was far more fun to watch.
All the half naked people were men. And even if there were any half-naked women, the fact they come from cultures where half-nakedness is not taboo and is socially acceptable would totally spoil the shock value of being flashed.
I practiced enough moderation to get home safe, sound, and coherent. But I still woke up with one bitch of a hangover today, and spent most of today in bed.
Sunday (today):
Spent most of today recovering from yesterday. Missed the Buffalo Wing Festival, which probably is better for my high cholesterol situation. Had an excellent meal at Panos. I went to see Idlewild at the Elmwood Regal.
Verdict on Sunday:
Hangovers suck. It's not only the headache, it's that false feeling of malaise that makes you want to stay in bed all day as if you were sick. I made it through, however. Far enough to have a great pasta dish, which probably won't make me any fatter because for most of the day I was to nauseated to eat anything. And Idlewild was really good, at least in my opinion. It was cool to see stop-motion animation, great dancing, and jazz in a movie with two top-ten hip-hop artists; I had expected the "I-sell-lots-of-records-therefore-that-qualifies-me-to-be-a-great-actor" attitude to prevail--I'm glad I was wrong.
Hard day at work. Made me very tired. Took a nap at 8:00PM to get refreshed for the party at 10PM. When I woke up, it was 5AM. Dammit, I suck.
Verdict On Friday:
I seem to have a difficult time with this alcohol in moderation. Last week, I drink too much, and by accident pass out on a couch on a porch, and miss most of the next day in an awful hangover. Friday, I ended up by accident going to bed ultra-early and stone-cold sober. I'm now at the other extreme.
Saturday.
Got up real early. 5AM. Way damn to early for my own good. Did some stuff around the house. Went to the (e:ladycroft) and (e:nejifer) birthday party. It's actually right around the corner from my place, so I didn't have to drive. At 3:30AM, I eventually make my way back to my apartment and crash.
Verdict On Saturday:
High points:
I got up early. My Circadian rhythms might some day align with the rising and setting of the sun.
I got to see lots of (e:peeps), as well as meet some cool new people.
I was reminded of my days spent at Ithaca College with foreign exchange students. I forgot how much they could be.
I helped save the cake at the party by grabbing the third corner of the tray. Were it not for my actions, the cake might have smashed to the floor.
There were half-naked people dancing. Very amusing.
I practiced far more moderation than I did at the last party.
Counterpoints:
By getting up early, I reduce my ability to stay up really late, and will want to go to sleep really early.
I realize that I would have had ever more fun at the party if I hadn't stopped taking french, german, and spanish courses in college.
I helped save the cake from accidently smashing to the floor, only to see it later intentionally smashed into the faces of (e:nejifer) (e:ladycroft) and (e:decoyisryan) . Though I've got to admit, the second outcome was far more fun to watch.
All the half naked people were men. And even if there were any half-naked women, the fact they come from cultures where half-nakedness is not taboo and is socially acceptable would totally spoil the shock value of being flashed.
I practiced enough moderation to get home safe, sound, and coherent. But I still woke up with one bitch of a hangover today, and spent most of today in bed.
Sunday (today):
Spent most of today recovering from yesterday. Missed the Buffalo Wing Festival, which probably is better for my high cholesterol situation. Had an excellent meal at Panos. I went to see Idlewild at the Elmwood Regal.
Verdict on Sunday:
Hangovers suck. It's not only the headache, it's that false feeling of malaise that makes you want to stay in bed all day as if you were sick. I made it through, however. Far enough to have a great pasta dish, which probably won't make me any fatter because for most of the day I was to nauseated to eat anything. And Idlewild was really good, at least in my opinion. It was cool to see stop-motion animation, great dancing, and jazz in a movie with two top-ten hip-hop artists; I had expected the "I-sell-lots-of-records-therefore-that-qualifies-me-to-be-a-great-actor" attitude to prevail--I'm glad I was wrong.
metalpeter - 09/04/06 13:59
Glad you made it to the party. I knew someone saved the cake but I didn't know who. I thought when the cake first came out that I was going to get run over there wasn't much space. I like how you broke the journal down with reflection. If I read it right the reason you woke up so early is cause you feal asleep early. So if you would have not fallen asleep and made it to mikes you would have really gotton trashed and met some new people also. Then woken up much later and been up for like 3 hours and gone to Timika's and then stayed till like 5:30am like me and two groups of people. I can't imagine what all the parting would do to your sunday. In any event I'm glad you had a good time.
On a side note I do wana see idlewild it looks like a western type musical thing looks interesting. I will admit I used to be into Outkast when they first came out. That was years ago. I belive one of the members was also the leader of a group called Godie Mob. Either that or they where friends "Whoes that looking through my window, Pow No'body No'Body now". Glad you enjoyed the movie doubt I'll get to see it anytime soon.
Glad you made it to the party. I knew someone saved the cake but I didn't know who. I thought when the cake first came out that I was going to get run over there wasn't much space. I like how you broke the journal down with reflection. If I read it right the reason you woke up so early is cause you feal asleep early. So if you would have not fallen asleep and made it to mikes you would have really gotton trashed and met some new people also. Then woken up much later and been up for like 3 hours and gone to Timika's and then stayed till like 5:30am like me and two groups of people. I can't imagine what all the parting would do to your sunday. In any event I'm glad you had a good time.
On a side note I do wana see idlewild it looks like a western type musical thing looks interesting. I will admit I used to be into Outkast when they first came out. That was years ago. I belive one of the members was also the leader of a group called Godie Mob. Either that or they where friends "Whoes that looking through my window, Pow No'body No'Body now". Glad you enjoyed the movie doubt I'll get to see it anytime soon.
09/01/2006 04:42 #21081
Investigation of optionsCategory: work
(Trying to work my way to 100+, baby! I want that userpic caption!).
Every week or so, I get one or two e-mails or calls from various IT recruiting agencies, either with HR/recruiter people with specific jobs that matched my Monster profile or who say "your resume looked really interesting, we should talk."
Up to this point, I haven't considered any of their offers. I felt that I should put in at least a year in my current job, so I'll get some more experience that future employers may find acceptable. Yeah, I know I probably know a lot more about developing software than the kid just out of college, but as far as an HR office is concerned, if you haven't gotten paid for it, and especially if you haven't gone to school for it, you obviously don't know it.
Before I took the job up here, I had doors repeatedly slammed in my face for hundreds of tech positions in NC, though it's not so much of a slamming as it is a "we'll call you back" and they never do. To paraphrase Woody Allen, I've found the computer job world "worse than dog eat dog, it's dog doesn't return another dog's phone calls." And that's before considering all the competition I'd have from all the people who make Raleigh-Durham one of the top ten info tech places in the country. In addition to local folks, I'd also get the stray e-mail or call from across the country about some job opening, and I pursued it will no better luck (till I got the one for up here).
What also goes against me is that I also tend to be a very honest person, or at least I try to be. And honesty really doesn't go over to well with HR people. I could lie about or overinflate my skillset, probably get hired, and quickly learn enough about the technology to do the job at hand (one of my superpowers) and the HR folks and boss would never be the wiser. But I'd rather get a job honestly, and that is a massive strike against me.
The final thing about these HR people that really screws me is that they don't understand anything about the technical stuff I've done or the challenges I faced and surpassed. It's very rare that I've ever been asked "what was a really difficult programming problem and how did you solve it?" or "How would you come up with a solution for this hypothetical situation?" These people want buzzword-compliant people, not innovative people who can actually solve problems.
And don't even get me started on the recruiters who look for five years of experience in a technology that has only existed for two years.
If issues directly related to employment weren't difficult enough, I also had to deal with some personal issues with the way that some people I was close to back in NC dealt with my employment situation. These people didn't understand anything about the computer job arena, and they said I was "too picky" despite the fact that I submitted dozens of resumes a day for virtually any programming job out there. These same people then called me "selfish" for going to job interviews instead of driving them to various errands they were not able to drive to for stupid reasons of their very own making. Then these same people busted on me for being a 30-year old man who didn't have a decent job (now they're undoubtedly complaining about me leaving them and coming up here, and asking me when I'm coming back). I still really miss those people, but dammit, they were a pain in the ass.
To summarize the last five paragraph of useless memoirs, my attempts to acquire employement in the computer field tend to suck in general, and they sucked especially in North Carolina. And I found the whole situation when I was down there very upsetting.
So back to the present, I'm trying to consider other options than the place I'm currently working. Some people in the company where I work prevent me from doing the best job I can, yet they don't balance their expectations in light of that fact. While I don't intend to leave anytime soon, I do want to know what my options are.
So for the first time since coming up here seven months ago, I call a technical recruiter who left a voicemail a day or two earlier. And dammit, the whole experience on the phone was just the same as it was 7 months ago in NC. I was honest about what I had done (big mistake), I explained the database technology I was currently working on (PostgreSQL, which he had never heard of), I said a lot of the programming I've been doing recently is for Apple stuff (which he must have interpreted as the only stuff I could do), and I told him that the stuff I'm currently being paid to do is a very small subset of the entire skillset I have (which he basically ignored). He ended with a variation on "we'll call you back"--"you're entered into our database. Go to our site and we'll keep in touch". That went really well--not!
I guess I need to look for the positives here. Firstly, it's been months since I last talked to a recruiter, so this exchange was a good refresher. Second, he also asked about why I wanted to leave my current job, which I was a little unprepared for; I've now formulated better answers for the next time around. Third, as my dad would put it, talking with this fellow is a step towards realizing that I'm not trapped in my current job by a contract, and that I can leave at any time. And finally, this experience has reminded me that my situation could be worse; some people don't have a job at all and they'd probably kill to be earning what I do (which is still not a lot, but it pays the bills okay).
Now to fill in the blank of my second blessing for (e:carolinian,30) that I totally forgot include. For the last year or so, I've really started liking Neil Diamond, who in my younger days I considered to be "music for old people." So several weeks ago, I finally broke down and bought a Neil Diamond box set from Barnes and Noble. I really like it, and it's one of the best things I've bought in quite a while.
Every week or so, I get one or two e-mails or calls from various IT recruiting agencies, either with HR/recruiter people with specific jobs that matched my Monster profile or who say "your resume looked really interesting, we should talk."
Up to this point, I haven't considered any of their offers. I felt that I should put in at least a year in my current job, so I'll get some more experience that future employers may find acceptable. Yeah, I know I probably know a lot more about developing software than the kid just out of college, but as far as an HR office is concerned, if you haven't gotten paid for it, and especially if you haven't gone to school for it, you obviously don't know it.
Before I took the job up here, I had doors repeatedly slammed in my face for hundreds of tech positions in NC, though it's not so much of a slamming as it is a "we'll call you back" and they never do. To paraphrase Woody Allen, I've found the computer job world "worse than dog eat dog, it's dog doesn't return another dog's phone calls." And that's before considering all the competition I'd have from all the people who make Raleigh-Durham one of the top ten info tech places in the country. In addition to local folks, I'd also get the stray e-mail or call from across the country about some job opening, and I pursued it will no better luck (till I got the one for up here).
What also goes against me is that I also tend to be a very honest person, or at least I try to be. And honesty really doesn't go over to well with HR people. I could lie about or overinflate my skillset, probably get hired, and quickly learn enough about the technology to do the job at hand (one of my superpowers) and the HR folks and boss would never be the wiser. But I'd rather get a job honestly, and that is a massive strike against me.
The final thing about these HR people that really screws me is that they don't understand anything about the technical stuff I've done or the challenges I faced and surpassed. It's very rare that I've ever been asked "what was a really difficult programming problem and how did you solve it?" or "How would you come up with a solution for this hypothetical situation?" These people want buzzword-compliant people, not innovative people who can actually solve problems.
And don't even get me started on the recruiters who look for five years of experience in a technology that has only existed for two years.
If issues directly related to employment weren't difficult enough, I also had to deal with some personal issues with the way that some people I was close to back in NC dealt with my employment situation. These people didn't understand anything about the computer job arena, and they said I was "too picky" despite the fact that I submitted dozens of resumes a day for virtually any programming job out there. These same people then called me "selfish" for going to job interviews instead of driving them to various errands they were not able to drive to for stupid reasons of their very own making. Then these same people busted on me for being a 30-year old man who didn't have a decent job (now they're undoubtedly complaining about me leaving them and coming up here, and asking me when I'm coming back). I still really miss those people, but dammit, they were a pain in the ass.
To summarize the last five paragraph of useless memoirs, my attempts to acquire employement in the computer field tend to suck in general, and they sucked especially in North Carolina. And I found the whole situation when I was down there very upsetting.
So back to the present, I'm trying to consider other options than the place I'm currently working. Some people in the company where I work prevent me from doing the best job I can, yet they don't balance their expectations in light of that fact. While I don't intend to leave anytime soon, I do want to know what my options are.
So for the first time since coming up here seven months ago, I call a technical recruiter who left a voicemail a day or two earlier. And dammit, the whole experience on the phone was just the same as it was 7 months ago in NC. I was honest about what I had done (big mistake), I explained the database technology I was currently working on (PostgreSQL, which he had never heard of), I said a lot of the programming I've been doing recently is for Apple stuff (which he must have interpreted as the only stuff I could do), and I told him that the stuff I'm currently being paid to do is a very small subset of the entire skillset I have (which he basically ignored). He ended with a variation on "we'll call you back"--"you're entered into our database. Go to our site and we'll keep in touch". That went really well--not!
I guess I need to look for the positives here. Firstly, it's been months since I last talked to a recruiter, so this exchange was a good refresher. Second, he also asked about why I wanted to leave my current job, which I was a little unprepared for; I've now formulated better answers for the next time around. Third, as my dad would put it, talking with this fellow is a step towards realizing that I'm not trapped in my current job by a contract, and that I can leave at any time. And finally, this experience has reminded me that my situation could be worse; some people don't have a job at all and they'd probably kill to be earning what I do (which is still not a lot, but it pays the bills okay).
Now to fill in the blank of my second blessing for (e:carolinian,30) that I totally forgot include. For the last year or so, I've really started liking Neil Diamond, who in my younger days I considered to be "music for old people." So several weeks ago, I finally broke down and bought a Neil Diamond box set from Barnes and Noble. I really like it, and it's one of the best things I've bought in quite a while.
zobar - 09/01/06 11:00
Tech recruiters are terrible. What irks me most is their confusion over different brands of SQL, where the only meaningful difference is for DBAs but developers couldn't care less.
The thing is, they are people people not computer people, and they do try their best. When somebody tells them they need someone who knows Oracle, they're not going to send them somebody who knows DB2. They mean well but it does not make them any less useless.
It's best if you can interview directly with your potential future manager [or even better, the person you're replacing]. If it goes well, it becomes less of an interview and more of a hanging out, shooting the shit and talking shop.
In re: Neil Diamond - he is on my list of people I'm allowed to kill. For several years I had a weird Sweet Caroline/Daydream Believer infinitely looped Manilow complex:
Sweet Caroline, good times had never been so good. I'd be inclined to believe they never would ... ohh ... Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen. (ba da da) Sweet Caroline... &c.
- Z
Tech recruiters are terrible. What irks me most is their confusion over different brands of SQL, where the only meaningful difference is for DBAs but developers couldn't care less.
The thing is, they are people people not computer people, and they do try their best. When somebody tells them they need someone who knows Oracle, they're not going to send them somebody who knows DB2. They mean well but it does not make them any less useless.
It's best if you can interview directly with your potential future manager [or even better, the person you're replacing]. If it goes well, it becomes less of an interview and more of a hanging out, shooting the shit and talking shop.
In re: Neil Diamond - he is on my list of people I'm allowed to kill. For several years I had a weird Sweet Caroline/Daydream Believer infinitely looped Manilow complex:
Sweet Caroline, good times had never been so good. I'd be inclined to believe they never would ... ohh ... Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean to a daydream believer and a homecoming queen. (ba da da) Sweet Caroline... &c.
- Z
jason - 09/01/06 10:43
Being a little long in the tooth at 28, and having to look for a job now myself, I totally understand.
It sounds to me like in the interview process you seem to be selling yourself short, even though you know you can adapt and hack it wherever you go.
In my last job I didn't have any experience in the kind of programming they wanted me to do. I don't think there is anything wrong or cheap about letting them know you're resourceful and capable of learning new things quickly. You need to be bursting with confidence! You need to be your own best advocate! That doesn't mean you outright LIE to get a job if you're not comfortable with it - you've got to convince them you're the right candidate.
Hope that helps a little. Good luck!
Being a little long in the tooth at 28, and having to look for a job now myself, I totally understand.
It sounds to me like in the interview process you seem to be selling yourself short, even though you know you can adapt and hack it wherever you go.
In my last job I didn't have any experience in the kind of programming they wanted me to do. I don't think there is anything wrong or cheap about letting them know you're resourceful and capable of learning new things quickly. You need to be bursting with confidence! You need to be your own best advocate! That doesn't mean you outright LIE to get a job if you're not comfortable with it - you've got to convince them you're the right candidate.
Hope that helps a little. Good luck!
my mom says, and she knows everything. you should make yourself happy first, and then decide.
haha, are you sure you're not writing this about my life?
While I agree with everyone, and know that you'll never be happy if you settle, I 100% understand what you're feeling. And yes, it sucks. Good luck.
You nailed it, (e:jason)
It has to be 100% from both of you- no less.
If it doesnt feel right, it probably isnt.
You cant rationalize it "better". It is what it is.
Often we know the answers in our gut-- it sounds like you know.. Now its a matter of what are you going to do about it? Best of luck on that!
haha, (e:jason) I think you nailed what would Frasier do as well.
I concur with Jason on this one. If you feel you're getting gyped emotionally than it ain't a relationship. The give and take has to be mutual or it's doomed.
I guess the real question is are you Happy? Where is the realtionship at sexualy and where do you want it to be? Would you really be better off alone? Those are really the question you need to ask your self before you decide what you want to do. You know your personality better then anyone else and knows how you will feal the best that is a big consideration. Some people are verry picky and if it isn't mister/Miss right then they can't be with them. Then some people always have to have a signifagant other just to feal that companionship even if there is lots of fighting. Basicly you have to decide what way you will really be happiest and go with that and see if there are any other factors that if they changed might make you happier. What ever happens I wish you luck.
(e:jason), congrats on the new job. It's such a relief when you finally find a computer job that fits your abilities--or you find an employer who's more interested in your problem-solving abilities than what what flavor-of-the-month language you know. Visual basic is a pretty easy-to-learn environment, so you shouldn't have too much trouble adapting.
Oh, to answer your question. Frasier would sit with Niles, have a Sherry, and talk about his feelings. Then he would probably get himself in trouble with his mouth, have to weasel his way out of it somehow, but in the end it would be okay.
Hey bro. My feeling has always been that each person has to give 100% and nothing less. If you get the gut feeling that something ain't right, it's time to move on and know it's the right decision. Good luck!