an insane week.
up until now, i had decided to live with my dad, so my mom was gonna move to arizona to live with her parents. i did this because my mom was drinking too much and i just thought that i'd be safer with my dad. obviously, this was not going to work out.
i've had a horrendous summer. no way to work because i haven't had a way to get to a job, no way to leave this stupid house because my dad's an asshole. and i can't do it anymore. i can't have him blowing up at me. i can't try and be a better person and get my shit together with him yelling at me all the time and expecting perfection when it's just not going to come. i'd make it come if i could, but i can't.
so two days ago he blew up at me about something stupid. except he was really scary. scary in the way he used to be, before he said he'd changed. it's the first time it happened in a long time, but i felt like the entire way there i had this sword of damocles hanging over my head. how am i supposed to try and be happy with all that pressure over my head? he could've blown up at any second, and he finally did. i won't go into the things he said, but they brought back enough of my past to solidify my decision. i'm living with my mother.
the divorce was supposed to be over today, but now it'll probably go on for another year because of my decision. we're all three of us going to have to stay here. we've been forced to stay living together for the past year and a half by the courts. i don't have any way to get to school or any money for school clothes or supplies which, sounds so bratty, but i can't help it.
i just got off the phone with my dad and he was talking about how mom and i won't have any money for college and how i'm going to end up pregnant.
kids take out student loans all the time, right?
i just don't see why he'd keep bothering if he hates me so much, i mean clearly.
gah. i need beer, and we are out. i suppose tequila will have to suffice.
Alison's Journal
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08/31/2005 16:39 #20608
sugar, we're going down.Category: divorce.
08/27/2005 13:03 #20607
crazy does not even begin to cover it.Category: anything but clothes
um, so yeah. i don't know where to begin.
more to come later, if i can bring myself upright in bed.
more to come later, if i can bring myself upright in bed.
08/26/2005 02:51 #20606
love, alison.Category: deconstruct.
um, so yeah. i just now finished my new party dress, made from curtains...
it's either the coolest thing i've ever made or the ugliest.
i'm having coffee with my friend wendy tomorrow nite (actually, tonite) because she leaves to go back to college on saturday. saying goodbye to friends is really fucking sucky. i'm hoping i'll be able to stay awake long enough to party, as anything past eleven is definitely past this little girl's bedtime.
can't wait to meet some fellow (e:strip)pers!
hope everyone is sleeping well.
love, alison.
it's either the coolest thing i've ever made or the ugliest.
i'm having coffee with my friend wendy tomorrow nite (actually, tonite) because she leaves to go back to college on saturday. saying goodbye to friends is really fucking sucky. i'm hoping i'll be able to stay awake long enough to party, as anything past eleven is definitely past this little girl's bedtime.
can't wait to meet some fellow (e:strip)pers!
hope everyone is sleeping well.
love, alison.
08/25/2005 18:45 #20605
dream on.ugh, headache again.
went to the reservation with my mother today, part of our little bonding ritual where we eat mcdonalds and she buys me a carton of cigarettes. then we went to terrapin station for burnables and i tried to convince her to buy me a pipe, to no avail. tonite, i should really start my summer homework, though i have a terrible creative itch to screw around in my jrnl. ah well. i don't think i'm going to the little shindig tomorrow nite, on account of having no way of getting there and back to the fair road of middlesex.
(e:ladycroft): yr produce is AMAZING!! je suis very impressed.
went to the reservation with my mother today, part of our little bonding ritual where we eat mcdonalds and she buys me a carton of cigarettes. then we went to terrapin station for burnables and i tried to convince her to buy me a pipe, to no avail. tonite, i should really start my summer homework, though i have a terrible creative itch to screw around in my jrnl. ah well. i don't think i'm going to the little shindig tomorrow nite, on account of having no way of getting there and back to the fair road of middlesex.
(e:ladycroft): yr produce is AMAZING!! je suis very impressed.
metalpeter - 08/25/05 18:05
I thought middlesex wasafter delaware beore main and about 2 to 3 blocks away from Subway on Elmwood. How far it is for you I'm not sure but walking elmwood at night is fun sometimes you might enjoy it depending on how far it is.
I thought middlesex wasafter delaware beore main and about 2 to 3 blocks away from Subway on Elmwood. How far it is for you I'm not sure but walking elmwood at night is fun sometimes you might enjoy it depending on how far it is.
08/25/2005 00:46 #20604
you've caught me red-handed.Category: crush!
am sewing up my party dress for friday nite from bedclothes and watching the dreamers, which, by the way, is a great movie. so far, the top bit has turned out lovely, though i can't decide how to do the skirt. normally i wouldn't bother, but i really don't fancy spending hours prancing about in a plastic bag. still not positive that i'm going though, i guess it depends on whether or not i'm in the mood for debauchery come friday evening, or moreover in the mood for taking the trek from middlesex to weneverclose when it's dark outside. yeah, i'm a chicken.
i love how, in this movie, everyone is always smoking. even while they're eating. now, i realize that that's how a lot of people live, especially in france (and especially during that time), but it's still weird to see. i really want to smoke while eating a meal, as gross as that sounds.
i love how, in this movie, everyone is always smoking. even while they're eating. now, i realize that that's how a lot of people live, especially in france (and especially during that time), but it's still weird to see. i really want to smoke while eating a meal, as gross as that sounds.
paul - 08/25/05 00:02
Smoking and eating don't mix
Smoking and eating don't mix
I think the rest of the e-peeps have it covered, but I wanted to let you know that as sticky as this situation is, and how hard it will be, hang in there, and do not let the family feuding pull you apart. You will decide what is best for you.
As for funds for college, begin looking now and asking your guidence counselor for tips. There is usually a way to work out anything.
Keep safe, be good to yourself and look forward with determination.
carey
Some Schools do give aid and then what ever aid you get you can usaly get school loans for. But be verry carefull before you go to school. Really think about what you want to do as a job. Also look into the avarage pay of that job and how many job openings there are. Reason I say that is I knew someone who went to school got a degree and was doing what they wanted to do, but it was a low paying profession so they got a second job. You don't want to do what I did not have a job from your degree and have loans to payback for a long time.
You could try a cheeper school like a community college(find one where the clases can be transfered as credit to somewhere else). You could also do the elmwood plan. That is where you get a Job on elmwood or the sourounding area. Get a couple friends and share an apartment and go to school part time or if you have enough money with out loans fulltime.
Your father needs a fist straight to the jaw.
yeah, thanks you guys.
ladycroft-- my problem is that my dad's fairly loaded. yeah.
Until you're 25 schools can still factor in expected parental contribution. Even so, you should still be able to get a loan, unless they are loaded. Keep in mind you are only allowed a skimpy portion your first two years, so school selection is important. In other words, you might want to hit community college (if you can't score some type of scholarship) then transfer to another institution. If you need help with any of that, just ask, I'm a professional student.
I'm truly sorry you have to deal with the consequences of your parents' dysfunction. Finding stability and safety in the place we call home is important to our well being. Look at all of your options before coming to a decision. Take care of you.
I'm really sorry you have to be in the middle of that mess. You have my sympathy. Maybe your dad doesn't hate YOU, maybe it has to do with anger toward your mother, and you are the closest thing around to your mother. I have no idea. I'm not a therapist.
Hang in there. You've got a lot of epeep friends who will be very supportive. Change does not come quickly. It never does.
That sucks but you can get loans, then you won't be dependant on your parents. You might have to go through a hundred hoops to get them though if you parents have money but it is totally possible.