i dreamed

that i was on a train going through my hometown. there were a bunch of people on the train with me. in my dream i knew and loved them, but i do not know them today. i think my dream was in the past a long time ago. the train crashed. some of it caught on fire, but mostly it just slid off the tracks and fell sideways. everyone on the train died, including me. i do not know why it crashed. once this happened i wasn't on the train any more and i was watching from outside. it was my time again and i was back at home with my parents. i asked my mom if there had ever been a train wreck near our town, because i'd just had a dream about one and i couldn't tell if it had been a memory or a real dream. she didn't know.

dreams within dreams are confusing. now i really have to ask my mom. maybe it was a memory from when i was a kid or something.

i love july 4th! fireworks make me happy inside, even though i was completely soaked and using a tablecloth from the statler as a blanket.

and i still can't draw on the computer

I just saw fahernheit 9/11. Everyone needs to go see it. That's all I have to say about the subject.

Also, Fowler's on Elmwood has the best soft custard ever.

on another note:
is anyone else disturbed by this?

cute little cartoon characters sort of ruin the mood for me. i mean, cartoons make me think of children, and children make me NOT want to have sex...of course, i suppose that's where the vibrator would come in handy...

Make me a witness
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt

I won't weigh you down
with good intention
won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions

Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come
while we're waiting

Everyone is waiting

And when we're done
soul searching
as we carried the weight
and died for a cause
is misery
made beautiful
right before our eyes
will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand

Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come while we're waiting
everyone is waiting








my absolute favorite musician of all time
i cannot wait until august 22

so po, in fact, that i can't afford the "or" at the end.

i need about a jillion things fixed on my car, which is going to run me about $1,300. and do you think i have collision? nope. and oh yeah, they're prolly not gonna start working on it til tuesday.

at least i have my bike...
but i don't think i'll be riding my bike to work at the mall anytime soon.

now i have to go do a million dishes because my boyfriend loves me so much that he is driving me everywhere and being really nice even though i was a stupid idiot and should have looked in my blind spot.

i took some pictures, so hopefully i will get them developed soon and scan them on here so everyone can see how stupid i am.

the water turned on eventually so i went to work clean

the alarm clock stopped beeping

but...

my car had to get towed :( the stupid tire touches the fender when people sit in it. and...the damage looks worse in daylight. turns out the grill and headlight fixture are busted too. if anyone needs me, i'll be on the street corner trying to earn the money to fix my baby.

as if crushing my poor car last night wasn't bad enough...

there is a sign on our lobby door that says the water will be off on wednesday july 30th from 1:30-3:30. i assumed that meant today. so, i get up to take a shower before work at 10:30 and the water is already fucking turned off. so i called the landlord and she told me that the idiot who is here to install a sink accidentally punctured one of the pipes and that's why it's off. this still doesn't help me get ready for work.

and the girl downstairs has had her alarm clock going off since 10am (it's now 11).

and i have a huge papercut on my finger.

So, I went home to my parents' house. Within the first half hour I got angry at my mom. What else is new? She had cleaned off the top of my dresser, where I happened to have a bunch of random things that didn't belong in any specific place other than the top of my dresser. There were also some ashes left over from an incense I burned who knows when. I noticed that my mom took it upon herself to clean this area on the top of my dresser, and move things around, and probably throw some things in the garbage. I wasn't really too upset about this, but I yelled down the stairs to her in a half-upset half-joking voice, "Hey Mom! It was nice of you to clean off my dresser when I didn't ask you to!" She replies, "Well, I had to, there was 6 inches of crap all over it!" So this is why I was mad. My house, with the exception of my bedroom, is a complete disaster. My mother is incapable of throwing things in the garbage, or hell, even putting them in a storage bin. There is stuff all over random things, such as the floor, coffee table, piano, counters...rendering each of these essentially disfunctional. So, I am mad because she should have been cleaning up her own mess instead of worrying about mine, when no one even uses my room right now since I am gone and I thought they didn't do anything with it. Wrong, a day or so later I ventured to open my closet. Lo and behold there were garbage bags filled with my things, not to be thrown away, but just to be stored, because apparently storage bins are too good for my stuff. Granted, my stuff consists of stuffed animals and things I don't need, but it really hurt me that my possessions were disrespected by being thrown in a garbage bag and hidden in the corner of a closet. Meanwhile, my room is now being used as an extension of the rest of the house, a new room in which they can create a mess. There are papers and Christmas ornaments and random things which do not belong to me strewn all around my room. I would gladly clean my belongings out of my old bedroom and place them neatly in storage bins in a reasonable place, but my entire house is so overwhelmed with junk, that there is no reasonable space left for storage. Most of my things could probably be sold in a gargae sale, but God forbid my mother part with anything. One other thing. There are boxes of VHS tapes down in my basement, in a very hard to reach corner. My father was helping me look for one movie that I wanted to bring back to Buffalo with me, and it was quite a feat to get the boxes out. So, I found a movie of my mom's in one of these bottom boxes, all dusty and obviously not used in quite some time. So, I asked my mom if I could have the tape. She said no. Couldn't give me a good reason, just said no. She said she wanted it. I said to her that she obviously hadn't watched it in forever and I didn't see why I couldn't have it. It was a movie I could use in the future when teaching Shakespeare. No. So, I gave up. Of course, the next day she said I could have it. So...what am I supposed to do? I can't take all of my things to Buffalo. They sure won't fit in my little one bedroom apartment. And I can't store them. I guess I will just have to forget about the things that are mine and let them be shoved somewhere in a dark corner.