So, since the party there have been eventful events in my life, that I would like to tell you about, but can only sort of dance around, since I'm discovering that I'm a very private person. Not a good trait in a blogger, eh?

Above you will see my third and final giantess painting, and I think the best of the three. Now that it is done I can invent a whole new painting style for myself, since this style is giving me a cramp. I need looser brush strokes. Anyone else love Lucien Freud out there? He's Freud's grandson and my favorite living painter. Here is a painting he did when he was my age:



And here's a painting he did when he was in his sixties:



And here's a quote from him:

"I want paint to work as flesh... my portraits to be of the people, not like them. Not having a look of the sitter, being them ... As far as I am concerned the paint is the person. I want it to work for me just as flesh does."

Somewhere in there is what I mean. His earlier painting is like mine: finished, sharp, flat, but somehow emotionally blank. It hides its own making in the smoothness of the paint. But it metamorphosizes into an image of writhing, unruled, impassioned impasto. (Sorry, so silly, alliteration.) In the later painting each visible brush stroke seems to call out "I'm paint and I'm flesh at the same time! Art is illusion, like all attraction!"

This is a metaphor for what has been going on with me, which I can't tell you about, because I'm too private. See, secretly, I'm like the giantess, or want to be. Larger than life, beautiful and powerful, yes. But also isolated and out of place in the landscapes. She doesn't quite fit, literally. She towers and the world, she wishes, cowers. And even though she's naked, is it sexy? Or is it somehow cold, physical in the clinical sense, as if she is in the "physical world" of seventh grade earth science. There's not much passion in her, or in me for that matter. I'm too much like my brushstrokes: taut, controlled, avoiding artifice. While all the while artifice is what makes art, what makes art beautiful.

Hey Folks: While this is not up to the minute information really, here are some pics from the (e:strip) (e:mike) & (e:terry) birthday party. The pics are pretty dark, so some of the delay was me correcting them in Photoshop as much as I could. I refuse to use the flash, but don't really have enough options on my camera to make up for it. Oh well. The shapes are still pretty cool. Maybe some of the photographers out there can offer advice?
Side note: (e:paul), can you make a way for us to do a whole folder upload though. Adding pictures one by one can be a pain. Heh heh. Knowing the programmer has its privileges...

Last night I went over to my friend Maria's house to watch old Bette Davis movies, including "Now, Voyager" which was excellent, and then something where she played two twins, and one was good and one was bad, and the bad one got the man, but then she drowned and, you can guess the rest...

Maria is one of the most fascinating people I've met in Buffalo. We used to work together at the bookstore, and we hit it off pretty much right away. She went to the same college as my sister, Mount Holyoke, and then to Oxford! She's still trying to finish her dissertation on Russian literature. Sometimes she's so smart my brain hurts.

We've been hanging out for awhile, but I've only recently started going to her house. It's amazing. It's like a curiousity shoppe frozen in time. Her grandparents lived in it, and little has changed about it since the early forties. Supposedly they used to have grande fetes there, which you can still almost hear when standing in the large arch-ceilinged hall. The house was originally owned by Buffalo architect E.B. Green, who had the wood panels for the hall brought over from Italy. They're from the Renaissance. Last night between movies Maria let me take some photos, since I've tried to describe the place and just can't put it into words.

The TV room. You can't see it, but Bette's on the tube acting dramatic:


Two ladies:


Two gentlemen:


The main hall (front and back ends side by side):


A Steiff puppy the children used to ride on:


Yup. Suit of armor:


A portrait of Maria's mother when she was young. They also had some Edwin Dickinson paintings of her aunt and uncle when they were little, but the picture didn't come well:


P.S. To all you cat burglers out there, I'm not telling you where this house is. Who says cat burgler anymore?! That's just the kind of antique feeling this place gives you...

I agree with Ajay 100% in his rejoinder [inlink]ajay,88[/inlink] to Paul's post [inlink]paul,1820[/inlink] on what Paul considers unsavory or even dangerous information on the internet. I thought it was so wrong I was just gonna let it pass on by... so thanks Ajay for an evenhanded response. Not sure if you mentioned this, but all Google is is a catalogue. It should be as indiscriminate as possible to the actual contents of documents, and instead limit its catagorization to user activities like linking, etc. Google should be content blind. It's the same as the library. If I were to say that the Anarchist Cookbook or Mein Kamp should not be allowed in the library, then honestly folks, Henry Miller and Huck Finn aren't far behind. Just because the delivery method, facilitated by technology, has changed, the argument about a free press hasn't. The spirit, if maybe not the letter, of the law is the same. You may not like it, but the hope is that the society is healthy enough to buffer itself against the wackjobs who want to use information contained in books like these to harm people. Do you really think it's a terroroist handbook that creates terrorists? Not, say, years of neocolonialist economic policies and one-sided (non)diplomacy? It's not the library or search engine's job to police people's thoughts, it's the police's job (and by that I mean other civic safetynet institutions, I'm just going for the pun here) to protect not only our lives, but our rights to think and write freely.

Bllomberg is offering discounts for peaceful protestors!

"Unfortunately, we can't stop an anarchist from getting a button,"

"The Americans were never really in it."

This is a phrase I heard from Olympics announcers several times yesterday, as supposedly invincible American uber-atheletes fell to teams that were more focused, less cock sure, and just frankly better.

Is it another sign of American obsolescense? For me it begins with the patents thing. Last year for the first time in modern history, America was not the leader in the most patents filed. So much for our famed ingenuity. And now this: the American basketball "dream team", known for an urban warfare style assault on the inside, gets whopped soundly by the Puerto Rican team of more accurate outside shooters and tenacious defenders. The announcer said of our supposedly unstoppable team, "They were never really in it." It's the first time our basketball team has lost a game in the Olympics since they allowed NBA players in. They just looked blase about the whole thing, then surprised, and finally, frustrated and pissy. But did they ever bring any fire to the game? Not really.

Then, later at night, another supposed dream team, the American men's swimming team, scraped by to win an embarrasing bronze in the 400 meter free-style relay. Amid all the hype of Michael Phelps and the USA swimmers, this race was billed as a showdown with the Aussies. See, the Australians had done something which wasn't very friendly by winning the gold in Sydney, ending a twenty-year American streak. Last night, team USA declared they wanted it back, and hit the pool... crawling. Our first lap was the slowest lap of over 50 laps swam in the entire relay. The South Africaans, a real team of monsterously large white men, cut through the water like an armada of colonialist warships bent on world domination... oh wait, I mean like a swim team determined to break a world record. Which they did. The Americans on the podium looked like someone had eaten their last Twinkie, turning up their noses at a proffered bronze.


It shouldn't come as a surprise to find out that Americans are losing their edge in an ever-changing world. I mean, maybe we still lead in collective couch-hours or something. But what is surprising is the look of utter befuddlement on their faces as they're losing it. As if to limply say, "but... but... USA... USA..." If the Olympic competitions are always metaphorical representations of the true nature of politics (think cold war track and field for example) then we're viewing the last days of a waning empire who can't get its head around its growing irrelevance. Oh, unless it responds by playing dirty, throwing its weight around, and pouting when it comes in third.

Keep an eye on the Chinese women's gymnastics team if you want an example of a country on the rise. Focused, precise, creative, and truly united as a team, they may be a glimpse of the world's future.

I have made a page of some more Erie County Fair Pics. We really were like some kind of weird wonky tourists of the future, more bent on documenting than experiencing firsthand. So in case you missed any part of the visual experience, there are more pictures of the fair. I'm jealous of the boys' better camera, though, you'll see why.

But! also! There are pictures of TK's (e:flaccidness) 21st birthday party at (e:rachel) 's house. Follow this to see all of them. Here are some samples:

First things first, you must go out and find The Long Winters album, When I Pretend to Fall . They're on Barsuk Records with Death Cab for Cutie, etc. After hearing one tune on KEXP, I searched the internet, called New World and was like "do you have it? good. put my name on it." The counter boy was impressed by my indy cred I think. Awwwww ;). Anyways, anyone who was even briefly in my prescence this weekend knows that I have been listening to this album non-stop, and probably also agrees with me that it is a brilliant friggin' record! You can listen to some tracks on their (really his, a guy named John Roderick) website. Also, what a hottie to boot... Dare I say, rockstar??



I really really want to move to Seattle now, even more than before. I mean, sensitive guys with marty stouffer beards! My dream come true!

As for the music, to me it's Built to Spill with a byway through Neutral Milk Hotel, add a splash of the Shins, and oh maybe just a little Jeff Buckley for that really heart-bending ole school effect. Or as John Roderick describes it: "This is our new record. It’s made of downtown right as the sun comes out after it’s been raining and a little bit of 3AM city bus in from the airport."

Yup, rockstar.

Thank you John in the Morning! I can't stop lovin' my KEXP. Today I heard this song by the Long Winters, and it's on this new compilation, which I just ordered. I think I may get the whole LW album from Itunes, it sounds pretty good too. Here's the skinny on the compilation though. Now you can listen to great music and feel politically engaged at the same time!

Love,
the Inactivist

"Barsuk's next release will be a fundraising CD compilation, titled future soundtrack for america, a joint project with MoveOn.org and Music For America. (McSweeney's Publishing is also releasing a book with similar fundraising goals that will include a copy of the CD; the future dictionary of america features contributions from an astounding group of almost 200 writers, from Paul Auster to Michael Chabon to Jonathan Franzen to Joyce Carol Oates to Kurt Vonnegut to Wendy Wasserstein.)

One hundred percent of our and McSweeney's profits will go to non-profit progressive organizations, including Music For America, Common Assets, The Sierra Club, and others.

The CD will be available August 17th in most stores and here in the Barsuk shop; something tells us that you just might be able to get it a few days earlier if you're on the MoveOn e-mail list...

Complete artist and tracklisting:

OK Go : This Will Be Our Year
David Byrne : Ain't Got So Far To Go
Jimmy Eat World : Game of Pricks (BBC evening session)
Death Cab For Cutie : This Temporary Life
Blink-182 : I Miss You (James Guthrie mix)
Mike Doughty : Move On
Ben Kweller : Jerry Falwell Destroyed Earth
Sleater-Kinney : Off With Your Head
R.E.M. : Final Straw (MoveOn mix)
Bright Eyes : Going for the Gold (live)
The Long Winters : The Commander Thinks Aloud (future mix)
will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas : Money
They Might Be Giants : Tippecanoe And Tyler Too
Clem Snide : The Ballad of David Icke
Yeah Yeah Yeahs : Date With the Night (live)
Fountains of Wayne : Everything's Ruined (acoustic)
Nada Surf : Your Legs Grow
The Flaming Lips : Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots (live on the BBC)
Old 97's : Northern Line
Laura Cantrell : Sam Stone
Tom Waits : Day After Tomorrow
Elliott Smith : A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free"

It's only $12! Buy it!