i miss you

A guy from Buffalo dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a wicked, horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Buffalonian is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The Buffalonian, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Buffalo. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Buffalonian's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing into his eyes, the Buffalonian is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.

The Buffalonian replies, "This is great! Just like April in Buffalo. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Buffalonian suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Buffalonian unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The Buffalonian is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, the Buffalonian throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over!! - - This means the Bills won the Super Bowl !!"

I dreamed that I was in my kitchen with RJ about to call my mother on the phone. A woman answered it and started talking to me, asking me how I was doing, but I didn't know who she was. Then she passed the phone off to some other unknown man. I got irritated because I didn't know these people so I asked them to put my mom on the phone. I asked my mom who that woman was and she said it was my grandmother. In my head (in my dream) the woman's voice played over a couple times and I realized that it was really my grandmother. In my head (in my dream) the woman's voice played over a couple times and I realized that it was really my dead grandmother. Then my mother said that my grandfather (also dead) was there too, and did I want to talk to him? I screamed "NO" and threw the phone, trying to get itaway from me as fast as I could. Then I started screaming to RJ, "My mother has dead people answering her phone now!" After that I had a night terror for like 10 minutes and I couldn't fully wake up. I kept trying to push the phone away from me (even though it wasn't even near me) and I was sobbing. RJ didn't know what to do with me. I was also very hot and thirsty when I finally woke up.

I'm imagining this is because of stress. I had a lot of tough decisions to make recently, and also one of our gerbils (Sonic) died yesterday.

I just heard this song on the radio. It is Big & Rich singing "Comin' to Your City"...

Well, we're comin' to your city.
Gonna play our guitars an' sing you a country song.
We'll all be flyin' higher than a jet airliner.
An' if you wanna little bang in your Ying-Yang, come along.

Well we flew through Cincinatti, an' we all got really happy.
Grabbed a bowl of that skyline chilli along the way.
Then we rolled on into Canton, scared the hell out of Marylin Manson,
And the party started happenin', hey, hey, hey.
An' in the middle of a Toston night, we ran into Jessica White,
An' a little moonshine got us right from smack insane.

An' we're comin' to your city.
Gonna play our guitars an' sing you a country song.
We'll all be flyin' higher than a jet airliner.
An' if you wanna little bang in your Ying-Yang, come along.

Well, we broke down in Greenville in the middle of a hay field,
But a Bud Light truck pulled up an' helped us out.
So we dead-headed up to Philly, partied down like real hillbillies,
Brought the music mafia an' rocked it out.
[size=m]Oh, an Chippewa's where we go when we're up in Buffalo:
Don't you know, those Yankees drink enough to drown.[/size]

Yeah, we're comin' to your city.
Gonna play our guitars an' sing you a country song.
We'll all be flyin' higher than a jet airliner.
An' if you wanna little bang in your Ying-Yang, come along,
Come along.

Instrumental break.

Listen up:
Now, LA's got the freaks an' finks an' fifteen dollar drinks.
An' San Antonio is a wild, wild rodeo.
An' in Pheonix, Arizona, we drink way too much Corona,
An' we woke up by the river, just sittin' low.

An' we're comin' to your city.
Gonna play our guitars an' sing you a country song.
We'll all be flyin' higher than a jet airliner.
An' if you wanna little bang in your Ying-Yang, come along.

Yeah, yeah, we're comin' to your city.
We're gonna play our guitars an' sing you a country song.
We'll all be flyin' higher than a jet airliner.
An' if you wanna little bang in your Ying-Yang;
If you wanna little zing in your zang-zang;
If you wanna little ching in your chang-chang, come along.
Come along.
Come along.
Come along.

Yeah, we're comin' to your city.

I haven't posted in forever because I no longer live in the city. I completely reassimilated into my country-self and I am quite content. However, today's events are publish-worthy.

When I came home from work around 3:45 I saw a cop car driving around. This isn't unusual for my complex, there is a cop that regularly patrols and keeps an eye on things. I settled down and relaxed for a few minutes, when I noticed there was a second police car, from the next district over, who was now talking to the original cop that I saw when I came home. I am nosey and I like to know what is going on, so I went on my balcony to "water my plants" and see if I could hear anything. All I managed to hear was, "They're still in the woods." Now my interest was perked. I decided to stay outside and see if I could figure out what was going on. The cars separated and the original cop circled the complex quite a number of times. Eventually he stopped outside of my apartment and started walking down the trail that goes into the woods. While he was in there my downstairs neighbor came home and we were trying to figure out what the cop was doing. Of course the cop left the woods after a few minutes, then he came over to talk to us. He said that they are looking for someone and "if a black guy comes out of the woods we should call the police." I have no life and I decided that instead of playing video games like I usually do while waiting for RJ to get home from work, I would sit on my balcony and read a magazine, hoping that I would get to be the neighborhood hero and catch these guys. An hour passed, no one came out of the woods, the cop circled 50 million times and then stopped in front of my place again. He got out and came over to talk to me. I got some more information: there were two men in the process of a drug deal about a half mile down the street at the softball field. The cops spotted them so the guys decided to run for it, leaving their car at the softball field. The cops chased these men all over through the woods, then lost their trail. There are a lot of police from 2 districts using the K-9 units and trying to locate these guys. They have to come out of the woods sometime, right? My conversation with this cop started to trail off onto how long have I lived here, when did I graduate from Buffalo (I was wearing my good old Buff State sweatshirt, yoga pants, and no shoes since I had just finished exercising), what is my degree in...? He said he was hungry and I offered him food, but he declined. He said, "Let me give you my cell number." I thought this was a great idea; that way I could bypass 911 if I saw the men and get a cop directly. Nope, apparently I was wrong in thinking this was his intent. He followed that comment with, "Give me a call sometime if you want to hang out." And at that I said, "Sure," ran upstairs, and almost peed my pants laughing. I cannot wait until RJ (my fiancé!) gets home so I can tell him about this!!!

(Right now there are two cops talking to each other again. It's 7:15.)

After this fiasco gets settled and I have the motivation, I will write all about the FOUR seniors pranks that have happened in the last couple weeks at the school where I teach.