It's almost time to come home. I was considering not coming back to buffalo for Thanksgiving but I changed my mind because I want to see (e:beast). Thank God I'm not staying here. I need to come home and see my friends and my mom. At this point in the past four years, I would have been coming home for winter break until after new year's. I now understand how much it sucked for all my friends to have to go back to school until Christmas. What a crappy schedule!

I skipped class tonight because I didn't sleep at all last night. Sometimes my mind just won't slow down. I feel guilty for not going but I got my paper in on time so I guess it's not a big deal. Still I was feeling a little lonely and sad tonight. I think that it was because I started looking at old pictures from when I was little and high school. It made me both happy and sad. Lately I cry a lot more than I smile. I know it's just the timing but I really miss talking to certain people I love who are gone, in one way or anything.

I haven't been able to stop thinking of my grandfather who died 4 years ago. He was really important to me and I wish, more than anything, that I could see him again. So few people are lucky enough to have someone replace a crappy father. I was lucky because my grandfather was the best, most admirable person I have ever known. He was probably the only reason I didn't grow up hating men. He really wanted me to do something important and be better than I thought I could be. I think in the last year he was alive he was disappointed in me. I wish I could tell him what I'm doing now and how much I think of him. He was in a lot of the pictures I have been looking at.

The pictures also reminded me of so many fun things I have done, in simple times, with people I loved. Now it seems like the chances of doing those really fun things get smaller by the year. I'm glad I had so many good times, and I know there will be more, but I think I'm just doomed to be in a bit of a sad state for a while.
My glum attitude must have been obvious because someone gave me a rose today. I've never gotten a rose from someone who wasn't my boyfriend so I didn't really know how to react. It's pink, and a really nice gesture. Hopefully looking at that for the next couple days will cheer me up a bit.

So this weekend we made my first visit to Boston Commons. There was an anti-war protest involving lots of pairs of shoes. It must have taken forever to set up! Anyway, it was the perfect day for a walk, the fall colors were so pretty. Even my little Cambridge Commons seems transformed into an entirely new place. I love walking home because it seems like I a new world everyday. I'm going to miss this when winter comes. Here are some pictures from our walk:

Cambridge Commons



Boston Commons