Although I'm not back in the SRQ (I've had a few facebook friends & someone I have listed on Twitter down there over the last week) I've found myself in my mind drifting back to when I was younger & "lived" down there more often. Ok it was more like I was in college on break visiting & the mindset I had that I felt like I recently tapped back into as of late. Maybe it's all the free time I've had lately to decompress from away from the cub. Also it could be the time added time that I've had to introspect once again. Although that can be horrendous as what happened for 6 months after Feb this year where I totally went off the rails emotionally.

But I've rediscovered some old books that I purchased down in Sarasota & with my free time I'm trying to at least stimulate my mind once again is this distressed time I'm having at the moment. The downside is that I'm feeling kind of like I'm a waste at the moment. The thought of volunteering has crossed my mind. I wish I was just wasn't so stupid earlier this year with money as I would have moved away for a bit.

Anyway I actually took another step today & went out in the city for a bit today. Yeah it's been a while but I was able to plan it out & enjoy a beautiful day sipping a smoothie with a bunch of people from a meetup. It's just good to get back into a good place & start taking baby steps again.

So with every time that someone passes it seems that this always reminds us of our mortality. I think with Walt he was totally prepared for what the great beyond was all about & passed over with a scenario in his mind and soul. He was one of the greatest thinkers that I ever have known in my life. In some ways even though I may have been in presence less than 10 times overall ((e:strip) parties & maybe a concert or two?) I knew that he was always around digitally. Yes this mostly was on facebook towards the end of his life (last 5 years) as it seems that blogginig is a lost art & updating a status or sharing a pic on your mobile smartphone is what we're all about. It is sad as it seems that now facebook has just become a forum where we share other(s) content from 3rd party sources. Although Walt did share some thought inspiring content like abandoned places or 1970's NYC pics. He has a brain & shared his intelligent thoughts with all of us.

I'm happy that his experiences (old school punk rock), insights and thoughts will be with us digitally. Whenever he commented on a post I always was happy that he noticed. Also I'm pretty sure that he is one to have contemplated his existence & life as it's too late to do that once you're gone.

Lastly he gave me hope (As I'm also in the very far from Brad Pitt in the looks dept also) that one day I may find love of someone of upstanding character despite our challenges.

I finally went out in Buffalo for the first time in a while. I was hanging around Canalside enjoying the ever finite nice days & then got the idea to stop by Resurgence Brewery on Niagara Street to meet up with a couple of older mostly dormant posters from this site. I saw her post on facebook & I suppose other sites like instagram & tumblr but I only saw the one from the former.

I've just realized that I am kind of drifting back to a funk like I was in back in February but in all honesty I wasn't focused on just being the solo person that I've become for the most part this year. I just have a fear of the city unfortunately. It's not what you think of being a victim of something (although I do have a personality security issue of being physical safe ie people bumping into me, getting knocked around by flying objects.) It's mostly boils down to my car. I just don't trust people in the city to parallel park & drive. I have a nice new German automobile & from past experience I just have to go on what I've experienced & seen. So unless I can play the odds & park far away from everyone in a lot relatively safely from the masses, I just didn't feel confident in going out.

Does this make me sound like a materialistic prick? Probably I would say so. At the same time I have a reason to put Things>People They let me down everytime & also I don't have much currency with them honestly as I'm not really that attractive anymore (What I had is rapidly depreciating.) Although at the same time it is nice in not being invisible to people as they stare me down while turning their heads on the road. That phenomena is close to giving me something to smile about although at the same time it does have it's draw backs.

But anyway baby steps. I doubt I'm going to get a girlfriend that lives in the city to give me a home base of operations but I do plan on getting out to shows or whatever more often. It's time to get back into the swing of things & slowly move back into taking risks once again.

So Rob Thomas played the Seneca Events center at the casino in Niagara Falls NY. It was sold out way before I ever realized that I wanted to go to it.

The thing is that this song



Ever the Same was always playing in the morning back when 101.1 was the River & played "Adult Alternative" whatever that means. It was a point of my life where I was at a crossroads. I mean I was Ok at my job at the Poker Room, but I knew I wanted more something that allowed me to have time off & a bit more freedom instead of being in that soul sucking place.

I just remember back in the day watching VH1 & listening to the "behind the music" of the 1st matchbox album & the true meaning of 3AM. How he used to drink Manischewitz Wine staying up late worrying about his Mom (Who the song it about not some drunk late night booty call/text hookup.) I also worked with a guy briefly who was in a matchbox twenty cover band, but that was before this solo album come out for him.

Wow so I have a post about a particular memory that a song gave me to a time at place & at the same time made a semi relevant Mother's day post out of it.

So after many years of constantly posting I finally deactivated my account. When I started having dreams of "People you may know" friend suggestion I knew it was time to take a break. In some ways I think that I just posted way too much there & my "friends" would never post anything good content wise for me to view.

As a forever alone guy who should have left this area for DMV (DC/Maryland/VIrginia Metro Area) to find a descent professional woman to marry, I'm just sick of the happy couples & baby pics. I get more joy reading about the adventures of the folks on here, the delicious food porn.

But lately my life consists of getting up, going to my cool local coffee shop, work, coming home listening to alternative talk radio, maybe listening to some EBM, emo, goth, industrial, Whatever channel on Pandora & going to bed to do it all over again. I used to just check facebook once every hour or so but honestly I am maybe being paranoid but I am sick of giving more than I get out of it. Deep down maybe my happily married friends are laughing at the weirdo that is me in the coffee shop. But hey I have a bit of money more than most people riddled in debt & drive a nice German car. So I'm eccentric???

Other than that I am fearful of what is going to happen this month on a planetary macro level economically & all over. I used to post hints from the sources that I have vetted over many years of listening to the guests from Coast to Coast back in the day when Art Bell was in he heyday. Now the former guests have their own internet radio shows & are on every week or more than a couple of days a week. In a sense I've taken to keep mum until the S hits the fan & then post while everyone is going nuts? At least that's my plan & it's been easier than I thought it would be at this point, just 10 more days to go.

So yeah other than the above I am digging the Whisper app to vent weird thoughts I have. Heck I've even found some people to chat with & almost get places [You know me I have no luck with women] but hey it has been working better than traditional dating sites!

So yea it's good to be back even though I haven't been in the cool part of the city since a former epeep came back for a visit when she was still with child. But that's what kind of is the sad part of getting off facebook as her friend who I hit if off with on a friendly level was an awesome facebook friend. I just am stuck with high school drama there with very little content from quality people.

But by the end of the month we will cross some place emotionally where whining about the little things in life will be breaking the cardinal rule of etiquette.