So with every time that someone passes it seems that this always reminds us of our mortality. I think with Walt he was totally prepared for what the great beyond was all about & passed over with a scenario in his mind and soul. He was one of the greatest thinkers that I ever have known in my life. In some ways even though I may have been in presence less than 10 times overall ((e:strip) parties & maybe a concert or two?) I knew that he was always around digitally. Yes this mostly was on facebook towards the end of his life (last 5 years) as it seems that blogginig is a lost art & updating a status or sharing a pic on your mobile smartphone is what we're all about. It is sad as it seems that now facebook has just become a forum where we share other(s) content from 3rd party sources. Although Walt did share some thought inspiring content like abandoned places or 1970's NYC pics. He has a brain & shared his intelligent thoughts with all of us.

I'm happy that his experiences (old school punk rock), insights and thoughts will be with us digitally. Whenever he commented on a post I always was happy that he noticed. Also I'm pretty sure that he is one to have contemplated his existence & life as it's too late to do that once you're gone.

Lastly he gave me hope (As I'm also in the very far from Brad Pitt in the looks dept also) that one day I may find love of someone of upstanding character despite our challenges.

I finally went out in Buffalo for the first time in a while. I was hanging around Canalside enjoying the ever finite nice days & then got the idea to stop by Resurgence Brewery on Niagara Street to meet up with a couple of older mostly dormant posters from this site. I saw her post on facebook & I suppose other sites like instagram & tumblr but I only saw the one from the former.

I've just realized that I am kind of drifting back to a funk like I was in back in February but in all honesty I wasn't focused on just being the solo person that I've become for the most part this year. I just have a fear of the city unfortunately. It's not what you think of being a victim of something (although I do have a personality security issue of being physical safe ie people bumping into me, getting knocked around by flying objects.) It's mostly boils down to my car. I just don't trust people in the city to parallel park & drive. I have a nice new German automobile & from past experience I just have to go on what I've experienced & seen. So unless I can play the odds & park far away from everyone in a lot relatively safely from the masses, I just didn't feel confident in going out.

Does this make me sound like a materialistic prick? Probably I would say so. At the same time I have a reason to put Things>People They let me down everytime & also I don't have much currency with them honestly as I'm not really that attractive anymore (What I had is rapidly depreciating.) Although at the same time it is nice in not being invisible to people as they stare me down while turning their heads on the road. That phenomena is close to giving me something to smile about although at the same time it does have it's draw backs.

But anyway baby steps. I doubt I'm going to get a girlfriend that lives in the city to give me a home base of operations but I do plan on getting out to shows or whatever more often. It's time to get back into the swing of things & slowly move back into taking risks once again.

So Rob Thomas played the Seneca Events center at the casino in Niagara Falls NY. It was sold out way before I ever realized that I wanted to go to it.

The thing is that this song



Ever the Same was always playing in the morning back when 101.1 was the River & played "Adult Alternative" whatever that means. It was a point of my life where I was at a crossroads. I mean I was Ok at my job at the Poker Room, but I knew I wanted more something that allowed me to have time off & a bit more freedom instead of being in that soul sucking place.

I just remember back in the day watching VH1 & listening to the "behind the music" of the 1st matchbox album & the true meaning of 3AM. How he used to drink Manischewitz Wine staying up late worrying about his Mom (Who the song it about not some drunk late night booty call/text hookup.) I also worked with a guy briefly who was in a matchbox twenty cover band, but that was before this solo album come out for him.

Wow so I have a post about a particular memory that a song gave me to a time at place & at the same time made a semi relevant Mother's day post out of it.

So after many years of constantly posting I finally deactivated my account. When I started having dreams of "People you may know" friend suggestion I knew it was time to take a break. In some ways I think that I just posted way too much there & my "friends" would never post anything good content wise for me to view.

As a forever alone guy who should have left this area for DMV (DC/Maryland/VIrginia Metro Area) to find a descent professional woman to marry, I'm just sick of the happy couples & baby pics. I get more joy reading about the adventures of the folks on here, the delicious food porn.

But lately my life consists of getting up, going to my cool local coffee shop, work, coming home listening to alternative talk radio, maybe listening to some EBM, emo, goth, industrial, Whatever channel on Pandora & going to bed to do it all over again. I used to just check facebook once every hour or so but honestly I am maybe being paranoid but I am sick of giving more than I get out of it. Deep down maybe my happily married friends are laughing at the weirdo that is me in the coffee shop. But hey I have a bit of money more than most people riddled in debt & drive a nice German car. So I'm eccentric???

Other than that I am fearful of what is going to happen this month on a planetary macro level economically & all over. I used to post hints from the sources that I have vetted over many years of listening to the guests from Coast to Coast back in the day when Art Bell was in he heyday. Now the former guests have their own internet radio shows & are on every week or more than a couple of days a week. In a sense I've taken to keep mum until the S hits the fan & then post while everyone is going nuts? At least that's my plan & it's been easier than I thought it would be at this point, just 10 more days to go.

So yeah other than the above I am digging the Whisper app to vent weird thoughts I have. Heck I've even found some people to chat with & almost get places [You know me I have no luck with women] but hey it has been working better than traditional dating sites!

So yea it's good to be back even though I haven't been in the cool part of the city since a former epeep came back for a visit when she was still with child. But that's what kind of is the sad part of getting off facebook as her friend who I hit if off with on a friendly level was an awesome facebook friend. I just am stuck with high school drama there with very little content from quality people.

But by the end of the month we will cross some place emotionally where whining about the little things in life will be breaking the cardinal rule of etiquette.

So I realized how alone I am over the last few weeks & it just struck me suddenly. I'm getting old let's say pushing upper 30's and my potential pool of possible women out there are next to nil. I could have written this book Basically the market for my demographic is very thing & I have known that for more than a decade. I should have moved to DC or Toronto years ago basically is the captain obvious answer to my own problem.

Although at this point of my life, I am not too depressed about it. I've gone through enough horrible experiences in dealing with people who are desperate. It's just lately I have also been smacked in the face with the fact that class has a more of an impact now that it ever has in my lifetime. Now that I drive a Benz, the impact of how people perceive me is finally smacking me in the face. I guess I have been the most low key now old "rich kid." I guess if I was 15 years younger & likewise my parents I would have grown up to be a douche. But I probably have the lowest self opinion of any luxury car driver? LOL

Anyway I think I should start blogging again. My cousin took a month off of Facebook & it seems to be going well for her. I do like the way that people are posting videos on Facebook & this 24 hour challenge thing is kind of funny. Although to be honest people were doing the same thing here in '06. For me I am just torn & confused on where to go and what to do. Not just for what to do with my lonely self in real life but also online.

Other than that I contemplating blowing money on match.com or even the other site howaboutwe.com. I like the concept of howaboutwe but to be honest there isn't enough people in Western New York to justify it being the most expensive dating site. Sometimes blowing money is far worse than getting rejected digitally over and over again.