I can actually just immediately follow up on my last post.

I finished with having to settle on a place to study.... well, I have!

In may, the application process to study abroad opens at SUNY New Paltz, and I've chosen to go to Seville. I recently had a mid semester interview with one of my Spanish professors, and he really motivated me to go to Spain. My older professor just really didn't know what to tell me and didn't really guid me very well, so it really discouraged me until i had that conversation the other day.

My plans are to go by spring 2015. I'm hoping to work a ton over the summer to put away some money (I wanna get a second job), but i'm really bad at money, so I hope I can exercise some new found restraint.

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Things are going well, mostly. I say that, but in reality, I never know quite how to classify how i'm doing in life... but it's definitely not terrible.

School always seems overwhelming to me. I'm considering asking for a referral to a psychiatrist in order to be tested for ADD. Focus and discipline are my biggest problems I face, and I think if I could just find a way to help myself along, I could be going places and doing things (not so slowly)!

Things are well with Mickey and I right now. At this exact moment, I'm contented, but there's some over-arching issues that will eventually need to be smoothed out. We had a bit of a down time, and I've been writing out things I want to talk about, what I expect, what I feel etc, and I've brought some of it up in conversation, but a lot keep to myself, because I really wonder if I'm just expecting too much, if I need to just cool it. I just feel such an urgency about everything, lately. I'm developing this mind set about where I wanna be and what I wanna do and how I want to feel about my life. I want to feel settled, to create a home, I want to be done with school and pursue my budding dreams, and I don't want to be casually seeing someone a couple times a week while that happens. I can't buy a house yet, or afford much at all, but you don't need a lot to make a place feel like your home, like you have a little burrow or hole or nest with someone that you can grow as a person with. He eventually wants these same things, but doesn't really feel any rush. My opinion is why wait, and his is why rush. His stance is really sensible, but i think sometimes he adheres to imaginary rules for reasons that maybe i don't understand. Living together is an issue for me. Everything about it is a plus to me. I would feel less needy, our expenses would be cut, I wouldn't have to travel across the city all the time between work, school, my place, and mickeys, and thus have more productive days, and I'd be able to be more attentive to my mundane duties and to my animals. How much time have I wasted waiting for busses to go to mickeys... let me actually calculate this.

so the first 5 months, I was spending almost 5 - 6 days a week at his place, going home to feed the animals or to pick up necessities 2 or 3 times during that time. so the initial trip is about a half hour (walking, waiting, riding, walking) and so are the rest, really. so, going there, 2 to 3 trips to and fro during the week, and the last one home until i came back... that's 6 half hour trips if i'm being conservative. 3 hours a week x 4 weeks (12hrs) in a month x 5 months... that's 60 hours traveling, right? that's close to 3 full days. The last 2 months, we limited the time we spent together, so he could focus on the show and I could focus on school so I spent 1 to 1 1/2 hr a week traveling... so if i count every other week and 1 and 1 1/2 hours, that's 20ish hours in 2 months... so I've lost 80 hours of my life, only traveling to mickey's and back home. 3 days and then 8 more hours.

So basically I'm being a brat, and makes me sound dissatisfied, which is ony 5% true.

My sister April, who i used to live with had a baby. her name is ivy. she supah cute.

well that entry was twice as long as i intended to make it.

Well, hello estrip. Been a while. At this moment, I'm on a bus to new york while Mickey is draped across the aisle like a trout. Or a plank. Haha... things have been a tornado-y hurricane-like whirlwind of go go go at all times.


I started ub in august, and i guess i.like it. I hate the hour commute. I've never wished i had a car before... hm.
My classes are all pretty interesting with the exception of 1 painfully boring professor. I'm excited, i guess. I'm finally taking the courses I've wanted to take. 2 Spanish courses, a korean course, and a linguistics course. So far i think I'm doing well. My attendance could be better, but what's new?

I started a new relationship, too. I couldn't be happier with it. The dynamic is different from anything else I've experienced. I foresee good things over the horizon.

I also moved! Amherst street ain't bad, but it's no elmwood village or Allentown. I'm never really home either. My room is huge though.

It's kinda tough making friends on campus. Foreign people stick together and all the Americans are all 'don't look at me' and 17 years old. I'm also the oldest person in every single class I'm in. That's what was nice about ecc ... it was so diverse. I was never the oldest person in the room. I was taking human sexuality with men and women older than my (dead) grammas.

That's not really important i guess.

I have to get serious about my study abroad. I gotta settle on a place.

I'm still super sick... :( it feels like my tonsil is going to burst. Now, i'm just waiting for prescriptions to be ready. antibiotic, ibuprofen, and a steroid... i hope i'm feeling up to rehearsal today.

I'm not renewing my lease. so.... the hunt for an apartment is on, now.

weirdness: yesterday, i left the house to do laundry. 15 minutes later i return, and the strawberry plants are ripped clear out of the planter from my front porch... okay, wtf. Then Jenn and I head back out to have food at the Essex, and upon returning, there is a plunger wrapped in a liquor bag stuffed in my mailbox. What.

So the notice was given in the mail about whether we are staying here or not; No.

I'm mostly feeling okay but i smoked a little last night and had an inner-freakout about it... I think i kept it under wraps pretty well.

Yesterday i had a really good vegetarian pulled porn sandwich - it was made with spaghetti squash! An old schoolmate cooks there now. He's super hot still, kind of hotter. beardy guy with a fantastic physique. i want to gnaw on his calves, kind of?!

today is... i don't know. bleagh.

So... Earlier today, was the second run of Shalter, an LGBTQ-themed play written and directed (and starred in) by Amy Upham. I started out yesterday very nervous and unsure how things would turn out. my adrenaline was high, and my joints trembled slightly. But the lights came on, and we walked out there on that stage and faced a crowd of people who were eager to be shown something special. The play dealt with a lot of important things facing our community; some things we all know about, and some things that have only recently began to see the light of conversation, addiction and abuse being the two biggies. And, of course it was filled with warm fuzzy moments of closeness: new love, deep friendship, and funny encounters. It was a full buffet of emotions and experiences!

I acted for the first time, along with some other theatre-virgins, and the experience was truly enriching, empowering, and inspiring. We worried a bit, but in the end we all pulled through like stars!

I can definitely say that I would act again. It was an exhilarating experience!
one thing i didn't like about it was having to shave. Bearded-hairy-legged characters from now on, only. haha! I felt naked, (well, i was half naked for a scene.) and unnatural.

It was great to have my family come out and support me. Some of my friends even came! What was also great was that plent of people we all knew and didn't know at all came, so it was a nice mixed crowd out there, filled with plenty of compliments for us after both shows.

It's been a a few hours since it ended, but it was good to just go home and rest afterwards. I was thoroughly drained from the experience.