I don't talk about work a lot, but the last couple of days have been very frustrating. You would think that a HUGE, INTERNATIONAL vendor would have its shit together but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Sometimes, they give you wrong documentation, other times they give you wrong answers, and hours of wasted productivity later they ask YOU to send THEM the correct documentation that was "lost" a year ago. What? Why don't you have your own shit? Why were we given wrong information time and again? Why are you wasting my fucking time? It's unbelievable, and we pay for the privilege.

Normally I do have to wear Business Caszh, but today since we have a company wide meeting at some banquet facility I have to wear a suit and tie. I wish I had a suit that fit better, and some more ties. Plus maybe a jacket or two. Plus those cowboy boots.

I also noticed my hair is getting too long. It starts to curl at the sides and the back. Anyone who's seen the baby picture in the apartment knows the end result. Time to get Mr. Buzz Buzz out and get busy.

I'm praying there's food at this thing today.....

Yep, that's about all I got for now. Since I've been hating on that beef broth beverage I am going to make one tonight and try it before I turn my nose up any further. I also need an updated 750 for the spring and summer.

I have been waiting quite a while to try this one. It seems to be hard to find at any of the local beer stores, but today we found some at the beer boutique down the street.

Mmmmm......a pretty good wheat beer. I know I've spoken with a couple of you about this. Get it while you can!

Well, I just woke up. Oh God. A few of us thought it was an excellent idea to drink 4/5 of a bottle of Dewar's before we went out. Might as well have polished the whole fucking lot of it. Then we went to Hardware again, which was fine and all except I can't talk to girls when I'm so drunk. Ad libbing takes a lot of brain power for me, and I have almost no patience for bullshit talk, so in that circumstance my mind is more Model T instead of Corvette. I think Joe knew this and left me with two girls who I didn't even like. Jesus, I can still taste the whiskey.

Edit: I just saw a guy who was a dead ringer for Roman Abramovich over at the coffee shop. And some lady drove by yelling "Hey Baby" at me through her car window (well, a sheet of plastic, you know how it goes sometimes). At least I have my coffee and an oatmeal cookie to nurse myself back to awareness.

As most of you know, (e:Joshua) is a major Kerouac fan, so of course we've had a number of conversations about Kerouac, his religious journey, what he did, where he went - but most importantly to me WHY something like that is more than a series of anecdotes.

I have to admit I've been engrossed in Lonesome Traveler, especially the portion of it called Alone On A Mountaintop. In that story Jack takes a position as a Fire Watch on Desolation Peak in Washington state. This is also recreated in his novel Desolation Angels.

During the story Jack's thoughts wandered a little to his spirituality. There is an excerpt I want to share with you.

What strange sweet thoughts come to you in the mountain solitudes! --- One night I realized that when you give people understanding and encouragement a funny little meek childish look abashes their eyes, no matter what they've been doing they weren't sure it was right --- lambies all over the world.

For when you realize that God is Everything you know that you've got to love everything no matter how bad it is, in the ultimate sense it was neither good nor bad (consider the dust), it was just what was, that is, what was made to appear. --- Some kind of drama to teach something, some "despised substance of divinest show."

And I realized I didn't have to hide myself in desolation but could accept society for better or for worse, like a wife --- I saw that if it wasn't for the six senses, of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting and thinking, the self of that, which is non-existent, there would be no phenomena to perceive at all, in fact no six senses or self. --- The fear of extinction is much worse than extinction (death) itself.

I probably had a similar revelation some years ago. I can't tell you how much I hate Westboro. I don't use that word a whole lot, and they haven't wronged me *personally* but I feel justified in hating them. Do they *really* know God or Jesus? I have my doubts. I've had arguments with hard core fundies before about some of their scriptural interpretation, such as God calling us to be judgmental of others.

What Jack realized, and I think many others who followed a different spiritual path will agree as well, is that the answer to hate isn't hate. After all, they make their money off of people reacting to their hate. They would love for me to knock someone's teeth out. So this is something I struggle with. Maybe the answer isn't to hate *them*, but to love gays to a much higher degree than they hate the gays. Or maybe the right answer is, as others have said, to ignore them completely and give them zero attention.

It seems like the best solutions are the ones that are the most difficult for us to execute. I just hope we can be better than them.