So! Today I have the day off and it is a beautiful day, so I should be in a pretty good mood. I'm not, and I think it's because I'm uncomfortable with a conversation I had the other day. I've sedated myself enough that I can actually stop pacing and talk about things. I think I'll just purge my system of this and move on with my day, and later my boeuf bourguignon.

I learned from Jerry that not only has he not been trying to set me up with any of his girlfriend's friends, he is actually against the idea altogether. Keep in mind this is my best friend - even if you don't want them to set you up with anyone can you imagine hearing this from someone you're so tight with?

Now I have a number of questions that may never be answered, but I think I understand at least part of the motivation. He saw what happened when Walt and Andrea hooked me up with her friend, and I've chronicled it all for you on my blog numerous times. She cheated, I lost it, my friends ended up going on vacation with her one time, and I heard from them how cool they think she is now. It presented a number of uncomfortable conversations and situations for a bunch of people, not just me.

I'm going to pat myself on the back and give myself at least this much credit - I couldn't handle being betrayed by my ex, but through the aftermath, every bitter pill I have swallowed and tried my best to accept that sometimes, especially if you're a guy, in this situation you just lose no matter whether things are your fault or not. It helped me to develop a stiff upper lip and I've used it as something to learn from and hopefully to better myself as well.

Now I find myself in another situation where I feel I'm being punished for something that wasn't my fault. Another bitter pill to swallow, another shit sandwich to eat. Time to smile and pretend it tastes good.

It's too bad, it's Jackie's friends loss anyway. I know my good and my bad, I know my quality, and I'm 110% certain that I could be a better guy to hang out with than most of the shitheads they've been exposed to even with my flaws. I think I could even avoid pissing them off. And, this might surprise you, said girl that caused this mess would probably testify. Today I am the same whimsical, carefree person I was when I met her.

So, I choose to take this as another learning situation, and I refuse to let this affect me for too long. I don't think it makes what Jerry said okay, I'm still really not happy about it, and I don't know what if anything I'm going to do about it yet, but it's not going to cause me to introduce even a tiny bit of doubt about myself.

Phew. Okay, now I think I can cook and handle a knife. I'm going to attempt the Boeuf Bourguignon, Bourdain's version, later this afternoon and if it turns out well I may take some food porn photos. (e:JBeatty) claims it is easy. I also found a steak recipe on Epicurious I am going to try this week that claims everything will come together in 30 minutes for an elegant meal. A short list of ingredients, and not a lot of time? That's my kind of cooking. The Boeuf obviously will take longer, but that's why you keep the rest of the wine handy.

To the single girls who don't have anyone on Valentine's Day tomorrow, this is for you. I don't feel so bad about being single on Valentine's Day, maybe the most nerve wracking holiday ever invented, but I know some women get a little down on themselves.



Okay, so it's an origami rose............not authentic but it's the thought that matters, right?

A number of us went to Kleinhans this weekend to check out the Bartok....thank you for coming and for meeting beforehand to have a Pinot or two. I always love going to see the BPO! I am not a very good event organizer but I thought things turned out pretty well. As ever, it was a lot of fun for me.

Splendid.............and sorry for emoting during the music at some points, I sometimes can't help myself. I really liked the fourth movement of the Bartok - it has a lot of interesting moments. This manifests as a rush of air through the nose at the orchestra, sort of a semi-chuckle, but a loud shout at a rock concert.

7:15 for you guys at Hardware!!!

I just remembered something. Those of you who I got tickets for, the Bartok is this Saturday at 8 PM!!!! (Well, after the freaking variations on "Twinkle Twinkle"). I'm really excited.....

By the way, are we doing anything previous to the concert? Meeting somewhere in Allentown? You guys want to do that afterwards? I'm just throwing some ideas out there.

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I also have a question for the women here - have any of you ever been offended that someone held the door open for you? One day on a date I remember getting yelled at for it...."I can do it myself!!!!!!!!" Have any of you heard of that before? Why is it insulting or anti-woman to hold a door open? Because I do it without thinking I'm sure I exacerbated the situation even further during the evening.

It was surreal, like some rad-fem nightmare. Dear God how have I gotten myself into these situations? You all know that wasn't the last. How about some fucking mercy? Can you imagine how polite the dinner conversation was? Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. Okay, last year's "Black Tuesday" - many of you remember how a girl shit on my job as being boring - I was semi prepared for that because I know on Valentine's Day there are going to be some really bitter girls. Sometimes you're thrown for a loop.