• Sigh* Three years of work is nearing an end. I graduate with my Masters on Saturday. And yet, I'm still afraid to say that "I'm graduating" lest I jinx myself. I still have to assemble my grad. project and get graded for it. Plus, I will have one class hanging over me as an incomplete but I don't need it to graduate. I need to get an extension in my teaching certification. It's important but not the end of the world if I take a couple of extra months getting it done. Now, the truly terrifying part begins. I'm finishing school and now, I need to work towards that rather elusive goal of finding a great elementary teaching job in Western New York because, frankly, I don't want to leave good ol' B-Lo. I love my hometown. Have become rather attached to it, to be truthful. And lately, I find myself wracked with insecurities about my worth and abilities. I know that it's just stress. (as if the word "just" should ever come before the word "stress!!) I'm making myself mad as I try to fight an ever looming depression- my second this year and I hardly ever get depressed- and hold on to the knowledge that I am a damn good teacher!! ARGH!!!!!

Audeo! It's my new mantra. I want to get it tatooed on my body. I'm just not sure where. Audeo. I just have to remember that and keep my chin up, secure in the knowledge that whatever happens, I am a damn good teacher.

What is so very great about E-strip is that it's always there, even when I'm not. Thanks, E-strip!

All right, I've been a very, VERY bad E-Peep and for quite some time now. I shall try to be better.

A million and one things- Went to Brushwood last weekend- me, the little Anglican girl hanging out with a bunch of naked Pagans! So fun! Those Pagans sure know how to party! Unfortunately, I was exhausted and so did not party my hardiest. I don't know if I even know how to anymore.

Am leaving my job in two weeks- four officially. I start student teaching this semester and so, as I have not figured out how to be in two places at once, and have not been graced with Hermione's time turner, I must do it. It's scary- leaving what one knows and embarking into rather unknown territory. I'm excited. Particularly as I will begin student teaching at the Montessori School in Buffalo.

anyway....

See ya around, Peeps!

Have you ever seen the movie, "Defending Your Life" by Albert Brooks? It came out in the late 80's and is actually, in my opinion, quite brilliant. For those of you that have not seen this movie, the premise is a guy dies in a car accident and goes to the place that is the step before making it into heaven where you must review key moments of your life and defend them. If you defend it well enough, or lived a virtuous enough life, you are deemed fit to move onto heaven. If you do not defend your life to their satisfaction, then you must return to Earth, be born again, and essentially, do it all over again. Lately, due to circumstances that have occured in the past 11 months, I feel that if I had to defend my life, I would fail miserably, that I haven't lived enough, loved enough, was brave enough, honourable enough. I'm rapidly approaching 29 and I'm analyzing so much lately. My birthday is not the reason that I'm analyzing my life- that would be car accident 2 and, particularly, 3 and now, I'm loathe to admit it but it's true so I'll just say it, on my way to buy an ink cartridge at 8:30 P.M. tonight, a black dog just walked in front of my car. I hit the brakes. My car hit the dog. I didn't run over it, or anything, but I bumped it. The dog got up and walked away (it did seem to be hobbling a bit) and I'm wracked with guilt. The dog walked away, so I drove away and that is what is bothering me. Anyone who knows me knows that I love animals but I didn't know what to do. The dog walked away... it was so weird the way it happened, it just kept coming, didn't even try to get out of the way- I keep going over it in my head but I know that the reality is it could have been so much worse. I keep praying for that damn, stupid dog, as though it were my own, praying that it will recover- a bit wiser from our incident. And frankly, I'm more than a little pissed at the people that let it out- maybe they didn't know it got out and was heading for the street, but someone should have been paying attention. My question is-Am I a bad person for what I did? I certainly feel like one right now.
How ignoble of me.

So, I just re-read what my goals were- for 2005. In November 2006, I have succeeded in two. Which is better than I originally thought. And I'm working on two more, well sort of working on them. Perhaps I might get the 2005 list completed by 2008, then I'll have to begin on 2006's, or something. That is, if the 2006 list actually wasn't a retread of 2005's.

It's official. I am an idiot. I should glory in that knowledge.

For the next 5 weeks, I will be drowning in a sea of elementary education academia. You see, I have one of those 6 week course jobbies. The cool thing is, as of October 7th, it'll be over! The down side, a shit load of work. Yesterday, on the holiday, I literally did homework from 9:30 A.M. until 9:00 P.M. Granted, there were some sanity breaks, the likes of which went like this- me telling myself "Okay, once you finish this chapter, then you can go take a shower" and "Okay, once you finish this chapter, you can throw out the garbage and do the dishes!" Fun wow. It's really sad when you bargain with yourself to do the damn dishes and take a shower! Aren't those, like, necessities in life? I will get through this, I know I will, but damn, it really, REALLY hurts right now!

• (E:Peeps) confession* Friday, I was a little buzzed and went and bought the new Christina Aguilera C.D., okay, and her last one, too!

And because I didn't want the bored girls working at Circuit City to think that I listen to Christina Aguilera, I bought the new Keene! All of which, I LOVE by the way! And that is my (E:Peeps) comfession.

Ciao!