Just now I got an urgent call. One of the gentlemen asshats I work with could not find his driver. Mr. Asshat's flight was 45 minutes late, thus the driver was forced to relocate to another spot at the airport where he could idle. Now I'm no world traveler, but I assumed the driver was idling in a lot when I got this most urgent call. Mr. Asshat was furious that his driver was not in baggage claim waiting to take his bags from him and escort him to the car. I calmly suggested he call the car service and ask to be connected to the driver and the driver could then locate Mr. Asshat and all would be right with the world. This logical solution was not acceptable. So I called the driver, got his location- 2nd island near departures- and passed the information along. I was then informed that "the airport is not a beach and I needed to get landmarks and exact locations" and then I was hung up on. Well fuck you Mr. Asshat. That will be the first, last and only time I ever so much as lift a finger beyond my exact job description to help you.

Remember like 5 days ago when I was all hearts over the espresso machine in my office. Well I should have thought back to 1996 when I had (and I quote) "the stomach of a 50 yr old man who had drank and smoked his whole life" from too much coffee.

I started drinking like 5 espresso shots a day and boy was that a bad idea. It was free and I was mesmorized by the shiny new toy in our office kitchen.

Lesson to be taken away from this:
Just because it's all you can drink espresso, it doesn't mean you literally have to drink all you can.

Remember those awesome horrific pants from the early 90's? Well they are back. Just in case you missed them or your red/white/blue Bills tribute Zuba's are so worn out from wear you need new ones.

So a few things:

1. We got a new Lavazza Espresso machine in out office. I'm currently on espresso number 5. 3 first thing in the morning and 2 right now. I'm guessing probably not the best idea for my ulcer prone stomach, but I'm throwing caution to the wind. I'm also really hyper.

2. I'm doing really well on my new health kick. Seeing people in my family with health problems as they age really makes me re-think my lifestyle.

3. I can not watch Almost Famous or Shop Girl. Both of these movies make me sad and think about Tom. All I can think about is the line when Kate Hudson says "Why doesn't he love me?". It's been almost 1.5 yrs since I last saw Tom and it still makes me sad.

4. My family now exchanges Valentine's Day gifts. My sister sent me a dozen roses and my mom sent me money for gym clothes. I didn't get them anything because I wasn't aware that this was a family gift holiday.

5. Has anyone seen the Gene Simmons sex tape? It's gross, but if you're interested it can be found on fleshbot.com. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Here's the link the the Graphic:



Hopefully this helps solve your question regarding the midget/pastor connection. Let me know what you come up with. Inquiring minds..