not even neccessarily when i get my monthly dues, but i always have a few days out of the month, where i feel like a psycho overemotional person. don't think I've cried since I've been here, so maybe thats why. and for those of you who don't know me, thats a record...

my brother just found out that his gf is a cheating whore. it breaks my heart for him. i know EXACTLY what he is going though, and unfortunately, a broken heart is the worst pain out there. id seriously rahter break my arm. it just makes you feel so alone and helpless, and empty. i know he'll get it it, we all have, and do.

it just sucks that the only thing i can tell him is that, it really takes time. time really does heal all wounds. life is funny like that. its funny that i can look back at when i had a broken heart and laugh at myself and all of the ridiculous things i said and did, because i really just thought my heart would stop beating.

you want to sleep and you can't, because you are too afraid to close your eyes and dream of that person. you want to eat, but you can barely force a bite down your throat. it feels good to be drunk or high, but you just feel worse the next day.

poor guy. the one thing i will say though, is that it is a HUGE life lesson, having your heart crushed. you learn to not push so much emphasis on someone else making you happy, and learn to be dependant on yourself. you learn to be ok being alone, and spending lots of time alone. learning more about who you are can only make you more ready for what life brings forth, especially in new relationships.

i just hope he doesn't make a huge mistake and take her back. once a cheater, always a cheater, and he would never be able to fully trust her again. and no matter how she feels now, she will eventually regret it, and probably always wsh she had done things differently, unless she is a completely heartless person, which i doubt she is, because most people aren't.

its just so strange looking at this sitaution from outside, when i was in a similar one myself. i definitely feel like I've grown, and forgiven and all that, but most importantly, I've moved on. im really proud of myself. i finally feel like im working really hard towards a goal that is completely my own, and i have any clue what the future holds, but i feel like i am ready for it!

my sister comes next week, and it should be a good time! hopefully i can provide some fun for her, and maybe take her out for dinner, or something nice, even though she will onyl want to lounge by the pool. i do actually know some cool places here, thanx to the fact that i have actually made a few friends! woot!

i kinda feel like I've been a really selfish person lately. i havent been thinking of others enough, and doing the things for others that i want to do. i need to work on that. i need to see my grandma more, and be a better daughter to my mom, and better friend to my friends. there are only so many hours in the day, and its not enough damnit!

school starts next tuesday i think, and im getting nervous. the financial aid people are pissing me off, and so is the whole registration process. i think i may have to just show up in some classes and beg the porfessor to let me in, because half the classes i need are closed. grrrr. the way they do thing here in AZ can sometimes be a littel to lax/ backwards for me. the oldsters set the pace for this resort style life.

im done talking. going to go to work now.

im going out tonight with this girl i met the other day. shes kinda crazy, but seems really fun. we are going to this punk rock bar, in tempe.

what to wear???? must look hot...

not sure if i want to keep seeing this one guy. he seems kinda needy, and i just can't deal with that now. and the one guy i really really like has vanished??? i decided to call him, and his phone is off- must play detective and get down to the bottom of this-or not.

im making some nice money with all these jobs, and aside from forking over $600 to the mother today for a car payment, i should be able to swing a ticket to blo for the end of august/begining of september! that will be really nice, i feel so homesick right now!

things here are going good, I've been so busy with work. 12-14 days are wearing me out! its good though, i like keeping busy, and i think ill be able to afford that macbook in no time...

love and miss you blo peeps!

i swear im gonna order that usb cord off of ebay today so i can post pics soon...

or i just went water skiing/tubing.


fucked up arm. all black and blue. bump on my leg.

the rest of my body is mush and it take much effort to stand let alone walk.

i am proud of myself though. i got up my first time trying water skiing, and some of the boys couldn't even. i also stayed on that damn tube just as long as the super strong guy i was riding on it with.

apparently im strong, for a chick. and now i feel very very sore.

at least i havent sparkly new shoes and dress to wear to work today!

still kinda upset about the missing brit. he wasnt even the hottest ever, just that supser sexy accent, and all things british. plus he was super smart, and loved to debate. meh.

im still getting paid by my job in blo????? they just deposited 250 into my accoint friday. anyway, in not going to question how this happened, but it means that i can do a couple things....


pay bills


buy clothes


buy plane ticket to blo!



what to do?

i've been working so much, i don't really have anything interesting to post.

working at a hospital in real life is nothing like general hospital. no hot doctors. some scandal, but really not very many hot people.

what kind of shallow shell of a person have i become???

anyway, im not that shallow, just REALLY REALLY boy crazy lately. ill take one or a million or just all of them, with a hard candy shell coating, that i can lick off. ok, not that crazy, but i do love me some man. and i need more eye candy to get myself through these long ass 12-13 hour days.


ps. im currently in love with arizona. and apparently the new tegan and sara album is really not that great, which makes me sad.