my x called me yesterday. I almost didn't answer the phone. It was the middle of the day, even in his timezone, and he sounded completely sober. I was really hungover...I went to a wedding with an older lady friend of mine and since I didn't know anyone, and there was an open bar...i decided to indulge. My baby was at my friends parents house, so I had yet another excuse to pound the bourbon and cokes.... So anyway, he calls me. "What the fuck do you want from me?" I didn't know what else to say. Timing just sucked. My mom was over and my sis was going off on some bitchy tangent... I didn't even do anything. i was so pissed. I'm surprised he didn't hang up on me. but wtf, its been a year. we broke up 4/20/06....an we tortured each other emotionally for months thereafter. and I mean torture. Everything with us is fire.... whether its good or bad its just so damn hot! Never in my life have i felt this kind of intensity.
We talked, and he divulged the fact that he misses me, and he still loves me. He says he's coming to see me and the baby. He doesn't ever say things just to make me feel better. When he says things like this, he really does mean them in the heat of that moment. but when the moment is over, so is whatever emotional outburst just happened... and then its like nothing happened at all. I played the game, back and forth, I love you, I hate you, I miss you, i hope i never see you again...no matter what shit I tell myself, or what anyone else has to say ( and believe me, people sure don't hesitate to voice their opinions) no matter how much i try to despise him, it always comes back to I love you......
Is he really coming? is he really going to come here all the way from Colorado to set this thing straight with me? he said it perfect when he said that we either need closure or we need to start a new chapter....my heart and my head can't seem to reach a common conclusion.
But its been a year, baby. so much has happened. so much. I would really like to think that we can forgive each other for the crimes we both committed against our love. People strive so hard to create in their relationships what we just naturally had... the intimacy, the passion, the magic....... and even from opposite sides of the country you still felt me...our energies were still so damn in tune...what the hell would the point of any of this be...if you werent meant to be my love?????

I wrote this poem on my myspace page, a friend of mine was making fun of how hairy my legs get sometimes. I liked it so I thought i would share it with all of you as well!


I take a half an hour to shave my legs and then/3 days later they're gettin hairy again./ I let my armpit hair grow/ so my BO flows right to ya nose./ just to see whos attracted to my pheromones./my pubic region hairily exploads/ to avoid the razor burns and bumpy roads. / i let it get as bad as it can get/ then i get in the tub and shave every inch of it yet/ every hair from my pits to below my bum/ just so you can get some clean licks in....YUM!!!!

Hey all! I just wanted to put a couple pics of my baby Hannah and I to let everyone know how absolutely adorable she is!

i havent written in a long time but id like to enlist the help of the e-strip community in finding our cat, 40(oz), aka KITTY...aka Samantha. She's been gone for 2 and a half days now, and she's never been gone this long!!!! Shes black, with a white belly and white spots on her paws. She has green eyes and she's wearing a blue-greenish flea collar. I don't have a picture right now but hopefully we'll get one on here soon.
We live next to Panos, so Im sure she'd be around the panos/ buff state area. My big hope is that someone found her and took her in because of the cold. i wont say what my biggest fear is.... But shes a great cat and if anyone has seen her PLEASE PLEASE let me or Oda know. THANKS ALL!!!!

I must have hit a wrong button or something. Anyway, I am coming home probably at the end of this week to see my friends and family for the thanksgiving holiday. Since Im not really sure how to get ahold of most of my friends if anyone wants to drop me a line leaving a number that would be really cool. I do have things to write about in my journal but i think I am going to wait for another time. I LOVE YOU BUFFALO!!!!!!!!