So, Shakespeare in Delaware Park is beginning any second. All's Well that Ends Well and Othello are this seasons production.

Kinda bored, feeling a little down or something. Not exactly sure why- although I have some tid bits to mull over.

Been a very busy social week considering I havent driven anywhere in quite some time. Super short jaunts is it. Mostly my friends have come to see me or come to pick my ass up. Hell, even (e:ladycroft) has swung by to pick me up, haha. Poor little beastly car- hanging in there.. still need to get it into the shop.

This has been a quiet weekend overall, but its not over yet! This time last week, I was chillin with a bunch of friends. No major drama, just eating, playing, laughing, chatting and having a simple-good time. Bonfire camp outs are always a lot of fun for me. Its really the company more than anything else. There is a lot of history among most of the friends I keep. Its nice to just.. Be.
and to be looked after, and to look after my friends...

After everyone crawled into their tents to go to sleep, B* and I continued to sit around the bonfire for more conversation and bacardi. Sometime in the night he suggested we take on the wilderness. Always up for some adventure, I was eager to go at it- to explore the unknown. Armed with just a flashlight, we headed away from the bonfire and into the dense woods, further away from everybody- and without direction. Perfect.

Fox, coyote, deer and other creatures reside in the woods we were entering. It was creepy, the land was wet with dew. The sky was clear, full of bright stars, and half a moon helped light the way.

Our imaginations ran as wild as the animals in the woods. We thought we saw things, we thought we heard things.. and quite possibly we did- but with a flick of a switch to the super bright 1 million candle power flashlight, we didn't really see anything.

We kept going, winding through grasses, brush, trees and vines. Up hills and down/around trenches. We ventures further and further- until we were so deep into the woods, that we no longer could hear anything at all. Not a sound from an insect. We could no longer see the stars in the sky-- or any of the sky for that matter. The air was entirely still. We crept along, our breathing and footsteps the only sound to be heard. We stopped and looked around. Breathed. Nothing. So dark, so still, so far away..

a little nervous, but excited by our adventure, we continued until we could go no longer. We hit a swamp..

and our flashlight died..

If we could have gone further without the flashlight, I think we may have tried-- probably neither one of us wanting to chicken out.

.. but since we were at an impasse with the swamp, our only option was to turn back, and embark on the adventure of returning-- first through almost total darkness.

It was a slow go, but we eventually made it back to being under the stars. My legs wet up to my crotch, feet totally soaked, & head moist with dew.

and probably a big smile on my face.

we returned to what was left of the bonfire.. a pile of sizzling embers. We worked on building the fire back up, as neither one of us were ready for sleep. It felt good to warm up and to know that we returned safely.

yet our imaginations and senses were still heightened..

and the coyotes were heard getting closer..

and everyone else were alseep in their tents..

and the whole night was still ours..


We finally went to bed just as the sun began to rise.

Camping out is fun!

took another venture out to the animal house. Handling the animals is always appreciated and needful; and it feels good on my part to be around them. Thinking of looking to see what more can and should be done for them. Usually there are a few volunteers who come to clean, feed and handle the animals. I know that they are down one person. Not sure how long or how often they visit.

A few of us went in to pet and play with the animals. I think the kitties were done with me before I was done with them- it helped to have extra hands to go around. I brought my camera this time, although somehow I missed taking any of the piles of kittens (insanely cute). I snapped a few of my new found furry friends- and not so furry friends.












Randall. He had an ear infection that crinkled down his ears.




my buddy, Jasmine. She is the little lover who climbed me from foot to shoulder to get some attention. It worked.




























hehe so cute!!




miniature rat terrier. spring loaded!



geese and ducks and babies, oh my!

Did some 4-wheeling today. Oh how I want to do more of that this summer. Gliding through the woods, smell of locust trees in full bloom, the spray of last nights rain splashing up on my legs and face, leaning as I wound around puddles, I felt so free. I had to keep a full smile from forming across my face (dirt yes, but I don't think Orbit can get bugs out of teeth!). This yet another facet of my interests, yet something I hadn't done in years. It was simply, a lot of fun.

I thought of past times-- insanely long bike rides as only means of transportation, being chased by wild dogs, hitchhiking during some of those times, owning trucks for the purpose of off-roading and "mudding" with other friends with trucks, racing cars, living 'poor' even with bank accounts, living richly without a dime, a time of meeting strangers and making fast friends of them- sharing in that days adventure. Always carrying a tent and setting up whenever and wherever as needed. Following train tracks for miles on foot, exploring dilapidated buildings and warehouses (think floors broken through), scaling dangerous hillsides (one later killed a friend), breaking into abandoned houses when tenting was not an option, eating what we could find, "cleaning up" in public bathrooms, embracing the darkness without fear. We had jobs and/or college- but that was the extent of responsibility. All free time was our time. Life is to be explored. Risks to be taken. Nights to be wasted drinking bad coffee at Dennys. Drawing, painting, writing, flirting with all that life had to offer. Other times were spent dressing to the nines, trying neat restaurants, dancing the night away in gay clubs. Sometimes gothic, sometimes, techno, sometimes country, sometimes "Chippewa", but always whatever and wherever we felt like. No stone in our life left unturned- other than those pertaining to the expectations of others.

"You don't have to like it" becoming the motto and told to those who didn't understand or approve. Why can't we have it all, have anything we want? We, adventurous, life educated, responsible young men and ladies- having fun, living, experiencing, learning, unlearning, creating our realities as we saw fit. Living a multitude of juxtapositions. Oh such fun!

Most of us broke away from that intense life exploring freedom- or so it seemed at the time. Significant others came into the picture, jobs and school took us across the country, effects of 'defining who we are in relation to everyone else' taking their toll. All of that included myself; focused on school, lived with boyfriend long term, friends moved far away, after college job responsibilities soon followed. Yet it is really just all part of life- the different paths we chose to take- you need to explore to figure out who you are and to remember who you are. Sometimes you need to experience things you truly dislike to appreciate all that you do. Meet people that are toxic to you to cherish those that compliment you.

Overall, distance and time have little effect on the foundation that we all came from. I've seen that with my closest friends- so many maintaining their wondrous ways, while others who had been fumbling toward it, finally finding it. I never wandered far away from my core-being; the adventurous, passionate, playful, loyal, upbeat, deep thinking little girl, young lady, woman. When I have wandered, its been a great learning experience, something to add to the life 'tool box'.

Ive done so many things in my life and there is plenty more to explore! I mean being open to new situations and environments. Doing what feels good, feels right. Being honest, and confident in abiltiies- and comfortable with outcomes, knowing that I had a direct effect on it. Letting people in. Loving others without grand, unrealistic, unfair expectations. Withholding as much judgment as possible, allowing people to be. Being considerate. Laughing at myself, dusting myself off when I trip, lending a hand to those who can use the boost. Taking other peoples hand to help me up. Dropping the ego (when I can!), Living by, 'its all about me' - because by doing that, it will be all about you too. Cant do anhything for anyone, really be there for anyone else until you know, love and have a bit of an understanding about yourself, right? (hehe, I love me)- Accepting my faults (oh my dearest 'sarcasm', I'll never let you go- I accept you with open arms!) acknowledging my strengths, understanding my weaknesses (don't do eveything above at all times, but best intentions exist) etc. So, "exploring" to me, means so many things- and those listed above may sound cliche, but its what Ive got.

I don't live in the past, yet Ive learned from it. I try not to fret over the future, as the present moment too easily passes by. With this, Ive spent time integrating the many facets of my life. Sometimes on purpose, other times by accident. Like today, the trek on the four wheeler was something I entirely forgot about. The friends, lifestyle, interests and generally where I was at at that point of life came rushing back. Its something to think about. Some of those things were part of what felt like a really old chapter in my life, and as they creep back in, as I allow them back in, I find myself curious of why I let it out of my life to begin with. I know that was a different time. I know on many levels things were different. I am comfortable and confident in who I am. I have my moments, but thats just it.. life moments. Times to question and reflect- but not in anyway a summation of life baggage. You know, the baggage that keeps people so weighed down that they are paralyzed from moving- they just can't get past a moment in time- and it effects everything and everyone? Well, I never quite understood that, and thats ok. Guess I'm a bit of a light traveler- I pack only what I need- what will enhance the adventure. ;)

I think about how tweaking my perspective (thats the systems thinker in me) will effect future choices. I think too much, yet not enough. *sigh*

As I returned with my friend from the 4-wheeling adventure, we began figuring out what we need to do before this coming weekends campout/gathering. I have been seriously looking forward to since the last one, just a short month ago. That was a weekend spent talking animatedly about how we always created our realities and continue to do so. For some it seems that life is random, but for our experience, we created and continue to create much of it. There was something we wanted, needed, thought about, we got it. It was simply the expectation that something is real and it easily materialized (manifested). Perhaps it is (was) drive, determination. Maybe its all relation rather than being exclusive. Funny to know all this and to hear more and more about it in the media. The lot of us were always on to something and it was nice to talk about it. I think about this subject often (creating reality).. not much opportunity to talk about it... And during that weekend, we decided that another camp out was in order. We played a lot of Ski-Bo too.

So after my buddy picked me up and after the 4 wheeling, we went out to her cabin/wooded area that the campout will take place. There is a little bit of pre work to be done before hand, which I will gladly participate in ie; mowing, spray land to kill off mosquitoes, retrieve and set up camping/party gear and chop wood. Well, not sure if I trust myself with either an axe or a chainsaw, but I've used both in the past for short projects- though not full on weekend supply of wood chop fest. My little tent is ready to go..

So the itch to just head out somewhere with no particular destination is getting stronger. I need to fulfill a camping excursion that includes some hiking, fishing, nature exploring, and thinking. Or hop in a car (just not mine, ok?) and head out somewhere.. no map- just a good attitude and a desire to relax, laugh.. have a good time.

No fishing required..'cause really, I don't fish much as I don't know what to do with it once caught, other than toss 'em back- and I don't know how to get the hook out-- but I like the idea of it. Sitting in a stream, cooler attached to chair to keep from floating away, thinking, relaxing and not paying any mind to what the time is. The position of the sun is all that is needed to figure that out (and Ive got skills in that). Not much of a planner- rather much more spontaneous. I'm and 'ideas' person and will gladly leave the detailed planning and prep to someone else; not that I don't do a good job of it. I just like to focus on my strengths when I can :)

I have a lot of reading to catch up on in here!


I visited a farm house that takes in various animals. A bit of a safe house for domestic and wild animals. These people take care of an assortment of sick, feral or unwanted animals. I was able to play with a few super lovable dogs, a plethora of cats, ducks, gosslings and goats.

The ducks were crazy cute with their little fluffy yellow mohawks. Not as soft as I remembered, perhaps it was chicks I have played with before?

I wanted to itch my face off petting all of the kitties. I am borderline allergic. (e:paul) would have died instantly. One furball climbed my body. Another sat on my shoulder and nibbled on my neck. Yet another insisted to be held the entire time, all the while a bunch of others wrapped themselves around my feet. I was covered; can't say I didn't like it. The feral ones stayed in their little spots. Then I was taken to a room of kittens. Oh dear, I about melted on the spot. They were so happy to see me- such little people oriented fluffballs. Tiny mewings, wide eyes, ears on the side of their heads because they are still so young. cute!

I'm not sure what the dogs are. One is a pitbull- a gorgeous brindle. Then there was a jack russell looking dog yet with more of a body shape to that of a miniature pinscher. Then mutts. All cute, loving attention, licking my hands, following me to look at the kittens (oh, tiny kitten hisses are too cute!), licking the adult cats.

Just one great big love-fest!

I didn't have my camera. I would have loved a pic of the cat climbing me from foot to shoulder.

and one of the pitbull. She had these big floppy ears- not sure where she got those from.

They are always looking for people to help socialize the animals. I wouldnt mind taking a visit once in awhile. I am not sure if they are an organization or simply a household who dearly loves animals. The house and property is gigantic, so I am not sure how many animals reside there. The animals have excellent provisions and are obviously well taken care of.

I am going to inquire if they can use any supplies..

Last night was chill at the LC bash- I very much enjoyed every single silly minute of it. Thinking back on conversations continue to tickle me. Awesome to see everyone*; its funny that (e:peeps) tend to segregate themselves from The Others. Guess thats just how we roll. Wow, so many highlights, so not enough brain cells to reiterate the experience.
I forgot to have a s'more.

• (e:ladycroft) (ofcourse), (e:decoyisryan) , (e:kangarooboi) , (e:Kaerains), (not that she ever post anymore *kicks*) (e:metalpeter) , (e:mrmike) , (e:soma) , (e:paul) , (e:terry) , (e:matthew) , (e:lilho) , (e:mike) , (e:kookcity2000) , (e:vincent) , (e:carolinian) , (e:chico) , I'm sure (e:salvatore) was around somewhere..

who else..?

Sitting around a bonfire, even if its already plenty toasty out is always a nice atmosphere. Especially when I snag a super comfy lounge chair. Thanks to those who offered to buy a time share even if they did not have cash on hand. ;)

I hope I am finally coming off of a bout of insomnia. Hitting an all night low of exactly one hour of sleep, after several days of close to the same, I finally fell asleep a couple of times this afternoon. I actually dreampt too, which was nice and so very needful. I feel like I could fall back to sleep now...

My apartment has been stuffy too- hanging in at 87 degrees. It would probably bother me more if I was actually able to sleep and the stuffiness was just disruptive, but this is annoyingly straight up insomnia and my brain is way too active. There is a whole process going into and coming out of this stage. ho hum.

Its just after 8pm and I am working on an iced coffee to consume, so that may screw with a decent bedtime, but damn, I don't want to be groggy the rest of the evening- as exciting Sundays tend to be...


heh, forgot to hit "publish".. two hours later..