I'm in Albany right now. i went up there to put a few things in place with school. I really like it there, so far. The campus is very modern, but appealing looking. I went to Disability Services, and they were a huge help and were very nice. They have power scooters that people can use for the day anytime they need one. That would be a huge help, with the arthritis. Plus, they have adaptive technology so that I don't have to write by hand anymore. They gave me the lowdown on a lot of the university information I needed.

The one problem I've been having is finding housing. The entire campus housing is booked up already. I'm trying to find an apartment on the busline. I think I will find one okay, but it's kind of difficult being in Buffalo. Residence Life was disheartening to deal with, and the person we spoke with was pretty rude. Maybe she was having a tough day, though. I know it's not an easy job. Tommorow, I meet with my advisor to hopefully register for classes and find out more about the teaching job.

It was good to get away from everything. My Aunt and Uncle lives in Albany, and I went out to lunch with them and my parents. We went to this fancy chain restaurant called the Cheesecake Factory. I had never been there before. It was kind of pricy, but the food was good. Especially their key lime cheesecake:).

You wonder what could lead someone to go on a shooting rampage that would kill dozens of innocent people. What inside their brain snaps? What leads them on a path like that? Are people who do something like that always mentally ill, or are some of them just evil?

I talked to the boy for a few minutes last night. He called me during a break on the Sabres game. That meant a lot to me. Usually, the hockey game is always a sacred time for him, not to be interrupted by anything. He sounded happy for me when I told him Albany- he was supportive about it.

I wish i could have been able to really talk to him about it as far as us goes. I probably won't have a chance for awhile, because he's so busy with everything. He has to write forty pages worth of papers for college, he has paperwork from his business, all kinds of crazy stuff. Which I understand, and feel bad for him about.

What's hard is that I know there is no possibility for a long distance thing. I didn't have the chance to talk to him about it. One of the first times I ever hungout with him, he had told me that he would never do a long-distance relationship with someone again. He's told me that numerous times since. He had a really bad experience in the past with someone he loved in which he was in a long-distance relationship with. I may want it, but it would be unrealistic of me to think it would even work if he actually wanted it.

I am really happy for all these good things coming up in my life, but the thought of not having him with me hurts so much.

All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I've said before, bugs in amber.
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse V

My friend sent this to me:




(Thank you guys for all the encouraging comments on the last entry! I really appreciate it).

I just got an email today from SUNY Albany. They just offered me a teaching assistantship that opened up. Three years of financial support from the department, plus my tuition is paid for. I also get health insurance. I teach a class or two a semester.

I can't believe it... I'm just shocked. I'm so excited to have the chance to get the doctorate, and to teach. I can't wait.

The hard part is going to be leaving Buffalo. I'm going to miss the city a lot, and especially miss all my friends here. That's the part that makes my heart ache. I'm 24, but I've only ever lived in Jamestown and Buffalo. I'm not leaving Buffalo till the end of the summer, though. I'm going to finish up my thesis, and work at central library for awhile.

Wow, I feel so wierd... but so happy at the same time.