I don't like watching sports, at all. Background human interest:
In high school my best friend and I thought about what makes sports so popular. And, like most things, we determined it was fantastical violence. And so, we set out to create the most dangerous, violent sport.
It began by trying to get a ball from one side of the court to the other. Simple enough. You would have to run up step ladders and jump off the top, hurl yourself over fields of saw horses, climb up a tree and jump to its neighbor. All the while your opponent tries to hit you with a stick, hard, very hard. Contact me if you want to buy a local franchise for a "Super Danger Future Ball" team.
And now, the Sabers.
Tonight begins the play offs. A time it is dangerous to not only be a fan of an opposing team, but equally dangerous to not be enthusiastically a Sabers fan.
And so, with ice pack ready, I must march into the maelstrom and show some love for our team (All Buffalonians exempt from giving a damn about the Bills). But it is incredibly easy to do so. I don't need to watch a game to know the score of a game. I need only listen to the screams and cheers that pour out of the Elmwood bars. If I was knoced into a coma during the game I can know who won by how many cars are honking.
If we lose? Ah, well then I can look for broken beer bottles all along the streets and sidewalks. Much fun when you walk a dog. Thank you dicks. Suck it up.
But, one thing is clear, for as long as the Sabers are in the play offs the city is going to buzz with overwhelming, singular Sabers energy. It makes it tough for someone like me, who could care less about any sports team, to not feel a glimmer of hope and pride.
And if you repeat that with anyone I challenge you to a game of Super Danger Future Ball.
James's Journal
My Podcast Link
04/12/2007 13:19 #38859
Drinking the Sabres Kool-Aid04/10/2007 11:21 #38834
Craig's List Personal AdsFolks,
I have been reading craig's list incessantly for the past week. It has been a slow week, what can I say. The M4W ads will some day in the future be considered the highest form of literature, leaving poetry and the novel in it's terrible wake.
But then, it happened.
I saw an ad that could only have been writen by a younger version of me.
"I am a computer geek as well, and I play D&D. I am a pretty good listener, and will put up with a lot. I am a nice guy, but I do have a breaking point. I only seek meaningful relationships, and sexual activity means very little to me. I am looking for a girl with a nice personality, decent looks and a bit of geekiness.Whether she just likes to read, or she is a full blown computer nut, some kind of geek girl would be great."
Oh yes. It is horrible to have the mirror put to yourself and discover that you have been a Medusa all along.
Well, I no longer play D&D.
I never dated girls (nothing personal ladies)
and sexual activity means a good deal to me
But man, at age 17? Roll that 3D6 to determine your social awkwardness.
Thankfully, there are thousands of other ads written seemingly by married men who's brains are nulled by the syphilis eating them. And I can go about my casual reading unreflectivly. But always knowing at home is a giant bag full of dice buried in a mound of sex toys.
I have been reading craig's list incessantly for the past week. It has been a slow week, what can I say. The M4W ads will some day in the future be considered the highest form of literature, leaving poetry and the novel in it's terrible wake.
But then, it happened.
I saw an ad that could only have been writen by a younger version of me.
"I am a computer geek as well, and I play D&D. I am a pretty good listener, and will put up with a lot. I am a nice guy, but I do have a breaking point. I only seek meaningful relationships, and sexual activity means very little to me. I am looking for a girl with a nice personality, decent looks and a bit of geekiness.Whether she just likes to read, or she is a full blown computer nut, some kind of geek girl would be great."
Oh yes. It is horrible to have the mirror put to yourself and discover that you have been a Medusa all along.
Well, I no longer play D&D.
I never dated girls (nothing personal ladies)
and sexual activity means a good deal to me
But man, at age 17? Roll that 3D6 to determine your social awkwardness.
Thankfully, there are thousands of other ads written seemingly by married men who's brains are nulled by the syphilis eating them. And I can go about my casual reading unreflectivly. But always knowing at home is a giant bag full of dice buried in a mound of sex toys.
mike - 04/11/07 00:26
i love craigslist reading. People are ridiculous!
i love craigslist reading. People are ridiculous!
jenks - 04/10/07 23:19
And for anyone who just wants to dabble in craigslist- go to :::link::: and you'll be hooked. It's the 'best of' the R&R, compiled from all the cities. Many (most) are hilarious.
And for anyone who just wants to dabble in craigslist- go to :::link::: and you'll be hooked. It's the 'best of' the R&R, compiled from all the cities. Many (most) are hilarious.
james - 04/10/07 20:01
Oh yes! I am quite envious of your Bay Area Craig's List. Buffalo's is quite lame, only about a third as big as Rochester's. Being of comparable size, that should make we Buffalonians sad, sad, sad.
I have sold a few things on there. Notably my piece of shit car. I can't believe some poor guy willingly bought it. I was upfront about it's deficiencies too.
If I can judge from the ads I have read and your writing on this site I would say that you are very recognizable. Foe one, YOU DO NOT TYPE ALL IN CAPITALS AND REFUSE TO MAKE SENSE BY NOT USING PUNCTUATION MARKS.
And for that you shouldn't have to post another ad. Ladies. Here is a gentleman who can write. Throw yourselves at his feet. Line up outside of his door. Though, I don't know if your GF will take too kindly to that. So, never mind.
Oh yes! I am quite envious of your Bay Area Craig's List. Buffalo's is quite lame, only about a third as big as Rochester's. Being of comparable size, that should make we Buffalonians sad, sad, sad.
I have sold a few things on there. Notably my piece of shit car. I can't believe some poor guy willingly bought it. I was upfront about it's deficiencies too.
If I can judge from the ads I have read and your writing on this site I would say that you are very recognizable. Foe one, YOU DO NOT TYPE ALL IN CAPITALS AND REFUSE TO MAKE SENSE BY NOT USING PUNCTUATION MARKS.
And for that you shouldn't have to post another ad. Ladies. Here is a gentleman who can write. Throw yourselves at his feet. Line up outside of his door. Though, I don't know if your GF will take too kindly to that. So, never mind.
ajay - 04/10/07 19:51
Craigslist is the backbone of the Bay Area underground economy. All sorts of shit gets traded on it.
I sold my TV on a few weeks ago (I paid $1100 for the TV 4 years ago; got $250 for it now. Yay for obsolescence!). I found me apartments through CL. I sold my GF's laptop on CL (with her permission, of course).
When I first moved to the area, I posted in the M4W section a few times. The first time, I met this woman from Monterey. She was nice, but lived too far away. A few weeks later, I posted a brand new ad again, and she responded with "Ajay! Is that you??" D'oh!! Despite no pics or other distinguishing features, she was able to read the description and peg me accurately.
And then there was that response I got for my TV ad. The guy wrote in just to congratulate me on a well-written ad, without grammatical mistakes or typos.
Craigslist is the backbone of the Bay Area underground economy. All sorts of shit gets traded on it.
I sold my TV on a few weeks ago (I paid $1100 for the TV 4 years ago; got $250 for it now. Yay for obsolescence!). I found me apartments through CL. I sold my GF's laptop on CL (with her permission, of course).
When I first moved to the area, I posted in the M4W section a few times. The first time, I met this woman from Monterey. She was nice, but lived too far away. A few weeks later, I posted a brand new ad again, and she responded with "Ajay! Is that you??" D'oh!! Despite no pics or other distinguishing features, she was able to read the description and peg me accurately.
And then there was that response I got for my TV ad. The guy wrote in just to congratulate me on a well-written ad, without grammatical mistakes or typos.
james - 04/10/07 19:06
It might have a random bonus. Roll D10 to determine.... 6.... that is +10 Prudishness and +20 sense of moral superiority.
But I just might be projecting.
www.Buffalo.craigslist.com is a handly little website. There is a forum section and one is called "Rants and Raves" or tenderly called "RnR". It really makes you want to saw the faces off people.
It might have a random bonus. Roll D10 to determine.... 6.... that is +10 Prudishness and +20 sense of moral superiority.
But I just might be projecting.
www.Buffalo.craigslist.com is a handly little website. There is a forum section and one is called "Rants and Raves" or tenderly called "RnR". It really makes you want to saw the faces off people.
carolinian - 04/10/07 17:28
Maybe he's wearing the +10 Amulet of Undying Virginity he picked up at the last convention.
BTW, what's the Buffalo RnR?
Maybe he's wearing the +10 Amulet of Undying Virginity he picked up at the last convention.
BTW, what's the Buffalo RnR?
james - 04/10/07 15:32
I don't read the Buffalo R&R. It is just full of people who have moved away from Buffalo to some godless barge town in Florida and like to rub the cold weather in our faces. And you know from personal experience how much Buffalonians hate being reminded of our weather.
Or the toothless asses who actually live in Buffalo who "have the balls" to tell the world what is wrong with "niggers". It makes me want to grow a tail and return to the ocean from which this horrid race evolved.
But a MC that actually connected? And turned into a threesome invitation as well as an email from an ex? That is just crazy craziness. Or at least painfully awkward.
I don't read the Buffalo R&R. It is just full of people who have moved away from Buffalo to some godless barge town in Florida and like to rub the cold weather in our faces. And you know from personal experience how much Buffalonians hate being reminded of our weather.
Or the toothless asses who actually live in Buffalo who "have the balls" to tell the world what is wrong with "niggers". It makes me want to grow a tail and return to the ocean from which this horrid race evolved.
But a MC that actually connected? And turned into a threesome invitation as well as an email from an ex? That is just crazy craziness. Or at least painfully awkward.
jenks - 04/10/07 12:22
Funny, I just started reading craigslist after a several-month hiatus. It really is quite entertaining. Though the buffalo RnR is pathetic. But speaking of seeing yourself... Sometime last year I saw a hot guy out about town, and actually posted an MC ad- and the guy responded (and invited me to a threesome, heh, see my old journals)- but the freaky thing is- my ex sent me an email the next day saying he saw an ad on Craigslist that must have been written by me. (and he was, indeed, right.) Weird.
Funny, I just started reading craigslist after a several-month hiatus. It really is quite entertaining. Though the buffalo RnR is pathetic. But speaking of seeing yourself... Sometime last year I saw a hot guy out about town, and actually posted an MC ad- and the guy responded (and invited me to a threesome, heh, see my old journals)- but the freaky thing is- my ex sent me an email the next day saying he saw an ad on Craigslist that must have been written by me. (and he was, indeed, right.) Weird.
04/09/2007 22:25 #38825
Breakfast at Tiffany'sI have never seen this movie. Which makes me the only gay guy in this or any universe who has not had a hard on for Audrey Hepburn. And I am happy to be flaccid before her image. And while watching, sans boner, I couldn't help be think to myself.
"Boy, the love interest couldn't be gayer." He screams big homo. A writer in New York who is payed to have sex with an older patron? Ya, I am sure Truman Capote wasn't writing his fat pansy ass into that role. Replace older married woman with a closeted married homo and two and two equals four.
I had to ask, were people in the early 60's dumb enough to fall for this? I haven't seen this overtly gay a character since I watched "Gang-Bang Street Trade 3" earlier this evening. The characters in that one were much more sympathetic by the way.
I find Capote's prose to be effective. It is stylish and overwrought enough to be charming. But have a hack screenwriter make a script out of the novel (which I have not read, I can only comment about some of his shorter, latter pieces) and suddenly a dim whited child is flailing about a canister of film better used for "Gang-Bang Street Trade 4: Prussian Gushers".
And seriously, Henry Manccini? Are you listening in hell? Writing one song and rearranging it for two fucking hours is no way to write a score. Sure, it was a lovely song. But Christ man, Christ!
On the bright side, the trained cat kicked ass. I didn't think you could even train cats to do anything other than piss you off and shoot dander everywhere.
"Boy, the love interest couldn't be gayer." He screams big homo. A writer in New York who is payed to have sex with an older patron? Ya, I am sure Truman Capote wasn't writing his fat pansy ass into that role. Replace older married woman with a closeted married homo and two and two equals four.
I had to ask, were people in the early 60's dumb enough to fall for this? I haven't seen this overtly gay a character since I watched "Gang-Bang Street Trade 3" earlier this evening. The characters in that one were much more sympathetic by the way.
I find Capote's prose to be effective. It is stylish and overwrought enough to be charming. But have a hack screenwriter make a script out of the novel (which I have not read, I can only comment about some of his shorter, latter pieces) and suddenly a dim whited child is flailing about a canister of film better used for "Gang-Bang Street Trade 4: Prussian Gushers".
And seriously, Henry Manccini? Are you listening in hell? Writing one song and rearranging it for two fucking hours is no way to write a score. Sure, it was a lovely song. But Christ man, Christ!
On the bright side, the trained cat kicked ass. I didn't think you could even train cats to do anything other than piss you off and shoot dander everywhere.
jacob - 04/10/07 15:54
LOL! "the rubber plant", classic.
LOL! "the rubber plant", classic.
jason - 04/10/07 08:32
Hahaha. Brilliant journal.
Hahaha. Brilliant journal.
james - 04/09/07 23:04
Amen sister. Be Heal-ed!
Amen sister. Be Heal-ed!
brit - 04/09/07 23:00
lol! I am inserting season 3 of the a team into my little dvd player right now, between george, the 'faceman' and the strangely shaggable mr T my holy light should be well taken care of!
lol! I am inserting season 3 of the a team into my little dvd player right now, between george, the 'faceman' and the strangely shaggable mr T my holy light should be well taken care of!
james - 04/09/07 22:57
I can totaly relate. I spent years watching the insufferable Sandy Duncan's feel good north midwest sitcom "Hogan's Family" to glance upon the twinkling ass of Jason Bateman. Yum.
Fast forward nearly two decades and he was still fuckable in Arrested Development.
Ah, in praise of unattainable fantasy TV men. You leave your congregation wet and full of your holy light!
I can totaly relate. I spent years watching the insufferable Sandy Duncan's feel good north midwest sitcom "Hogan's Family" to glance upon the twinkling ass of Jason Bateman. Yum.
Fast forward nearly two decades and he was still fuckable in Arrested Development.
Ah, in praise of unattainable fantasy TV men. You leave your congregation wet and full of your holy light!
brit - 04/09/07 22:51
I agree, he was a special kind of fuckable. I have has pervy feelings about the george since I was six, obviously I didn't know what they were when I was six but I liked them all the same. And to think that my mother thought I was watching the A Team with my brother and dad becasue I was a tom boy!
I agree, he was a special kind of fuckable. I have has pervy feelings about the george since I was six, obviously I didn't know what they were when I was six but I liked them all the same. And to think that my mother thought I was watching the A Team with my brother and dad becasue I was a tom boy!
james - 04/09/07 22:46
Oh, George Peppard is damn fuckable! He looks like the kind of guy you could bring home to mother only to realize it was a terrible idea as he seduces your mother, father, brother, dog, and rubber plant.
Oh, George Peppard is damn fuckable! He looks like the kind of guy you could bring home to mother only to realize it was a terrible idea as he seduces your mother, father, brother, dog, and rubber plant.
brit - 04/09/07 22:38
the big homo love interest is george peppard! - the hardest man alive (until 1995)...hmmmmm, perhaps he butched it up a notch for his role in the A-Team. We ordered this on netflix to see what all the fuss is about now I can't wait....you have to admit, he has nice lips.
the big homo love interest is george peppard! - the hardest man alive (until 1995)...hmmmmm, perhaps he butched it up a notch for his role in the A-Team. We ordered this on netflix to see what all the fuss is about now I can't wait....you have to admit, he has nice lips.
04/04/2007 10:41 #38742
Live Nude PedestriansWe Buffalonians love nothing more than to worship spring,
The rites of spring begin on the first day it is over 45 degrees. Our puffy coats with faux fur hoods slip off and we expose our pail skin to the sun, drastically increasing the earths albedo. Even now, there are sunbathers wallowing on their blankets over the muddy fields of Delaware park, waiting for the sun to slip through the constant cloud cover.
Yesterday afternoon I saw a sun worshiper par excellence. At 5:30 a woman was walking up Delaware ave amid rush hour traffic, without a scrap of cloths on her, licking a lollipop as she goes.
I just hope she looked both ways before crossing.
have a swell day kids,
-James
The rites of spring begin on the first day it is over 45 degrees. Our puffy coats with faux fur hoods slip off and we expose our pail skin to the sun, drastically increasing the earths albedo. Even now, there are sunbathers wallowing on their blankets over the muddy fields of Delaware park, waiting for the sun to slip through the constant cloud cover.
Yesterday afternoon I saw a sun worshiper par excellence. At 5:30 a woman was walking up Delaware ave amid rush hour traffic, without a scrap of cloths on her, licking a lollipop as she goes.
I just hope she looked both ways before crossing.
have a swell day kids,
-James
leetee - 04/04/07 23:23
I hope she found a coat for tonight!
I hope she found a coat for tonight!
james - 04/04/07 13:47
And this is a good clean Christian journal. So no filthy names.
And this is a good clean Christian journal. So no filthy names.
joshua - 04/04/07 13:45
I am appreciative that the ladies are appreciative. I'd publish our summertime nickname for my house but its dirty.
I am appreciative that the ladies are appreciative. I'd publish our summertime nickname for my house but its dirty.
james - 04/04/07 12:51
true, and among us this woman is the most appreciative.
true, and among us this woman is the most appreciative.
joshua - 04/04/07 11:47
Nobody appreciates 50 degree weather more than we do.
Nobody appreciates 50 degree weather more than we do.
04/02/2007 16:56 #38720
The Dumbest Animals you can't KillI hate spring,
In a town that spends 4-5 months clasped in the icey womb of winter that is blasphemy. Even now mobs with torches and pitch forks are gathering out my window. Ready to storm my citadel of nay-saying-springhood.
It wasn't always that way. Spring would mean all the obvious things that we enjoy spring for. Namely warmth and sun: two precious commodities you would sell your mother's eyes for in January. Things changed though when I got a dog. Spring now means two very different things: Stupid bunnies and stupid squirrel
You see, in Winter's death throws these cute little mammals get their freak on and pop out little bunnies and squirrels for the world to consume. The smart ones live. The dumb ones though must die. They must all die.
When I am walking my dog he will spot a bunny a block away and begin pulling, choking himself on his leash yet propelled by the force of his lust for bunny meat; which, by the way, he has never tasted. When the momment comes when the bunny or squirrel will realize the dog is onto him he will hop three feet away and stop, look behind him, and stay.
The dog is pulling like a tractor but is not moving any closer. So the squirrel or bunny things "he isn't getting any nearer, he must not see me" and remain.
The great tragedy of all this is no dog gets to these animals. Their stupidity is allowed to go on and mix with the gene pool. Ensuring countless future generations of animals I would rather not be.
Our only hope is they forage in traffic.
In a town that spends 4-5 months clasped in the icey womb of winter that is blasphemy. Even now mobs with torches and pitch forks are gathering out my window. Ready to storm my citadel of nay-saying-springhood.
It wasn't always that way. Spring would mean all the obvious things that we enjoy spring for. Namely warmth and sun: two precious commodities you would sell your mother's eyes for in January. Things changed though when I got a dog. Spring now means two very different things: Stupid bunnies and stupid squirrel
You see, in Winter's death throws these cute little mammals get their freak on and pop out little bunnies and squirrels for the world to consume. The smart ones live. The dumb ones though must die. They must all die.
When I am walking my dog he will spot a bunny a block away and begin pulling, choking himself on his leash yet propelled by the force of his lust for bunny meat; which, by the way, he has never tasted. When the momment comes when the bunny or squirrel will realize the dog is onto him he will hop three feet away and stop, look behind him, and stay.
The dog is pulling like a tractor but is not moving any closer. So the squirrel or bunny things "he isn't getting any nearer, he must not see me" and remain.
The great tragedy of all this is no dog gets to these animals. Their stupidity is allowed to go on and mix with the gene pool. Ensuring countless future generations of animals I would rather not be.
Our only hope is they forage in traffic.
leetee - 04/03/07 00:08
i find it very amusing to see my parent's dog, a cockapoo, running, unleashed, towards a squirrel... if he is ever fast enough to catch the rodent, it might beat the crap out of him.
i find it very amusing to see my parent's dog, a cockapoo, running, unleashed, towards a squirrel... if he is ever fast enough to catch the rodent, it might beat the crap out of him.
Just adding my two sense to this. Does the fate of free world hang in the balance of the sabres' progress. Hell no. But is it good for the soul, absolutely. It's healthy to invest a little in a positive vibe, something that is bigger than one person. I think that's why we succomb. That said, my ex-wife hilariously rails about the perils of living so close to Jimmy Mac's, she doesn't watch the games, she just listens for the moans from down the street.
Yes Jenks, you hit on it.
A running joke of his incredibly unfunny show is that his brother Fred is always starting a crazy busness and trying to get his brother Don to promote it.
There was Salsa, I am not sure which brother had the name on it. I could care less though, as it is delicious.
And Joshua, call Imus, remarket that stuff. He needs all the help he can get.
Wait is it DON Imus's salsa? I know his brother (Fred) has a whole line of stuff....
Imus has salsa? I could probably think of 100 different ways to remarket that bad boy right about now.
You left off your most famous sports-endeaver, Ball Pipe.
I don't really love sports but I do get excited when the Sabres are in the playoffs. Last year I ended up going out to see the games at bars but only like for the last period but it is really fun. I like being in a group of people who are so excited about sometjhing, it is definetely contagious. !
Yeah, you're right. Even as a non-sports-person, it gets contagious. I was in chicago when the cubs made it to the series (or almost to the series... I forget) in '04- and even though I didn't care, it was hard not to get all excited. or Boston last year, whew.
Matt: What ever, hole-liver-in. Too late to pretend to be cool and know ^_~
Jason: Oh ya, I don't like sports, but I find being in this city now as the Sabers are kicking ass very compelling. A communal spirit between everyone. It is like woodstock but with better beer.
theecarey: There was no protective equipment in Super Danger Future Ball as it was contrary to the spirit of the game.
Matthew: oh, scratch that first comment.
Peter: I hope there is a riot. But that nice happy kind with dancing in the streets and not throwing stuff at the LAPD.
I think that last year the Sabres where the best team in the NHL, if it wasn't for all the injuries they would have won the cup. I say they are the best team this year again. But the team that wins is the team that plays the best during the playoffs. I know the Sabres are good enough to win the cup and hope they do win the cup. That being said if the Sabres make it to the Finals and are in a position to Win it at Home unless you are at the game don't go downtown unless you are up off the street. I do have a reason for saying this I do think (not just because it happened in a movie) that if the sabres win the cup at home Buffalo will become a riot scene. Reason I say this is I was at one of the bandits championship wins (back when they filled the arena) when they where at there peak. It was kinda crazzy then Horns going banging on cars and that was a new team. There isn't all the history of the Sabres never getting the Cup. There is a lot of frustration from "No Goal" and from Having Hasek, Mogilny, and LaFonte and and not getting it done. As great as the french connection was (not that I remember them) then didn't get the cup. I could be wrong but even if there is a riot I hope the sabres win it all. Even if you aren't into sports it is still good to know what is going on with them.
i was just kidding. i don't live in a hole! :)
Super Danger Future Ball? hehe love it!
Not much of a sports 'fan'- but I do dig the violent sports. My preference is Rugby,(no protective equipment!) followed by Hockey.
I hate football and damn proud of it.
Well, James, if you don't like sports you don't like sports. At least with the Sabres, I've been a fan since the mid-80s when Dear Old Dad made the roadie from Jamestown with Josh and I to the Aud.
Yes Matt our team is not only in the playoffs, but is also the FAVORITE to win it all. Pretty rare for us.
Personally, I'm happy because it gives us a good distraction and in a sense brings us closer to one another. I think it's cool to hear the horns and the screaming processing down (and up) Elmwood Avenue. People are having a good time with it. Not too late to join the bandwagon!
The sabers are in the playoffs?