I am fatigued and in need of sleep, which will occur shortly, but first I needed to recap the day.

It felt like a long drawn out work day- no breaks, no lunch, just busy humdrum-- the usual. I wont re hash the details as I want to purge my mind of most of the day.

I do not work directly with the children any longer. ((I am in administration- and I juggle a lot of stuff. I am in the process of hiring a supervisor --to better equip and support the program that is being rebuilt. One day i will explain more of what I do..))

OK, so I don't work with the kiddos directly- I do see them-- but from a distance. Some continue to say hi to me, and that always puts a smile on my face. One child who is very dear to me, I try to sneak in to see him. One of the employees in that classroom also work for me, so I make an excuse to go in and speak with her, all the while saying hello to my 'little man'.

He's tough, anyone who knows him understands that he and I went through a lot together. We have a bond and its pretty cool to see that it still exists.

I was walking down the hall at the time that he was. He had two staff members walking with him to his bus, one on either side of him. As I was walking toward him- to walk past him (it isn't really 'appropriate' for me to be involved any longer, meh), I glanced in his direction. He had already been looking at me-- and took that as a que to reach out for me. He got the biggest smile on his face (I am sure my smile was already there) and he grabbed my hand and tried to vocalize something. I lowered my face to his and told him how proud I am of him and that I hope to visit him in his classroom soon. I had "business" to attend to-- that needed my immediate attention so I had to be quick. He did not want to let go of my hand and tried to pull me with him to the bus. The staff asked if he was holding on, and I said yes. They were surprised. As I said, he and I have a bond. And when he said, 'don't go' and they were astonished even more. And I didn't want to go..

but I did.

I felt mildly sad.. to not be able to give him my time.

but a stong sense of happy won out on that one. He made eye contact, looked for my acknowledgement, sought my hand and my words and wanted me to go with him.. after time apart, this continues.

That is the pay off of hard work on both of our efforts.

And so I zipped down the hall to take care of 'urgent business'

wondering and trying to see/feel that sense of accomplishment and pride in what I do now.

funny how love works. or doesn't work.

the things you learn about yourself

the things you unlearn

it all seems so grand, yet it is all so basic.

for some its easy

for others its hard

some people want it, but don't get it

others get too much of it, but don't want it-

Feelings.

they really are a driving force. even if you have them locked and well guarded.. they are still there.

and when they break out of their cell, it is mayhem--and control is lost...

is this the result of answering old questions,

or answering new ones?



I do not know.



I do reccommend tossing the key and seeing what happens-- the good, the bad, the ugly-- it is a part of the sensual life. Without it, it is all mechanical- easy, contolled and safe.


now if I would just follow my own advice, yes?









btw, thanks for sharing:?

(had to publish and run earlier, if anyone noticed that this was just lniks in the post)

I was going through you tube videos and found this. Surprised that I hadn't seen anything about this yet.

GAH!

full length YouTube video (7 minutes):



written account with video:




from msnbc- folllow links..

sn excerpt from a UCLA student blog who was there:

Apparently when the campus security asked Mustafa for his ID he refused to show it to them. One witness said that he said it was in his wallet, but he didn't want to show it to the security guard. The security gaurd asks him to leave, as it is policy that anyone without a student ID card may not be in the library after 11 pm. Mustafa refuses. The campus security leaves to go get UCPD (on campus police). During this time, Mustafa decides to leave the library. He packs up his things and begins to head for the door. He is approached by UCPD, who grab his arm because they don't want him to leave (I guess they wanted to question why he was refusing to show his ID). Mustafa asks the police not to touch him. At this point no one is screaming/getting the shit tased out of them. The police insist on escorting him out of the building when Mustafa goes limp in resistence.

The police threaten him a couple times I guess. He yells "get the fuck off of me" and "I'm leaving!". This is when he gets tased.

....He gets hit with the taser again...and again....and again...and again. At this point the students in the library begin to become upset. One girl asked the officer for his name and badge number AND HE THREATENED TO TASER HER. The police were pointing the taser at concerned bystanders and threatening to taser them. Several people I've talked to can account for this. They were making these threats after Mustafa had been tased at least 3 times and after he had been put in handcuffs and was lying on the floor like a puddle of goo.

abuse of power?

(e:pyrcedgrrl) failed to post on estrip about this, so I must take it upon myself to do so :)




I wanted something sweet, so I bought a package of break and bake cookies. I burned them, well, over cooked them. I do not like crunchy cookies, so I had to toss them. Oh, well. I am sure there will be other opportunities to munch in the future.






I am working on multiple resumes. Actually, I keep getting side tracked at looking at various job postings on Monster.com-- I have been humoring myself looking at companies in NYC.




The resume part is challenging for me, as I want to get away from what I have been doing for so many years. Its time to switch things up a bit. So I have to focus on things other than the field and positions I have held. Lets see what I come up with. I may need something dfferent just so I have more time to focus on building a business. I have been working on one project on and off for awhile.. now something else has landed in my path and I am very curious about it. So I am doing research on that as well. and networking and picking peoples brains.

very cool.

I've tried numerous times today to bitch about radio music.

p:mobl was a p:ain in my ass today. My pocket PC has been loading my post since 11:30 this morning.

Since it continues to annoy the hell out of me, even though I have since turned off the radio, I will share my annual pet peeve.

TURN THE MERRY-FUCKIN' CHRUSTMAS MUZAK OFF.

I havent even had my annual plate of gutton yet, and those tunes are already felizFNnavading all over the air airwaves?


I happened to have a few appointments this morning: oral violations, on again off again addictions to attend to, my weekly ass ramming (see below) and bi-weekly dignity deposit

(read: teeth cleaning, Tim Hortons, Tank fill-up and its Payday!)

feelin' fine, feelin' feisty, feelin' its finally friday

yeh, ok. So this morning I don't feel like tuning my iPod to a fuzzy station on the car radio. I knew I would be in and out of my car (and hence packing up the iPod everytime I got out) before I hit the highway for any length of time, so I decide to try something new: I'd listen to the radio inbetween errands. Curious that maybe I would find something new and interesting to listen to, I was feeling hopeful-- kept on pressing the "seek" button--

feeling hopeful until I heard multiple stations with CHRISTMAS music.

AHHHHHHHHHH WTF?!?????!!!!!!!!!!!

well, that had to go. A little premature for that, hmm?

Not to forget the slew of christmas/christmas themed movies and television shows on the 25" brainsuckingmediabox this evening.

Moral of this post?

Stick to iPod

stick to porn.

just don't stick to your iPod.

happy friday, kiddies ;)







j/k