Fuck

I think I have a mouse in the house.

Not running free through the apartment, but quite possibly in the walls or in the attic-- ew oh jeez- maybe both.

EEK!

and maybe it is something creepier than that!

All I know is that I heard something scratching at the wall in my bedroom while I was trying to sleep. Thinking that maybe my cat was trying to catch a little bug or dust bunny, I tried to ignore it. I continued to hear this scratching sound coming from above. In the darkness, I could make out my cat sitting on my dresser, staring at something. I decided to turn on the bedroom light to make sure it wasnt something super creepy dangling over my head.

I didn't see anything.

But I still heard the scratching-- and it wasnt the cat.

UGH. I don't know what it is, but I know that I AM NOT going to go and investigate it myself.

My apartment is very 'solid'. I don't know how whatever it is got in. And whatever it is should figure how to get back out.

Whatever it is, just wants to be warm. However, I care not to make a snuggly home for unknown creatures.

I am sleeping on the couch tonoght, as I can't bear to be up all night thinking about some creepy thing lurking in my walls.-- that and the fact that I am such a light sleeper, that any noise will wake me/keep me awake.

I know that I have had atleast one small (almost cute) mouse per autumn. Just one. And my cat does nothing to help me out. Just torments the hell out of it, and leaves it shaking and soggy of cat saliva.

I think its a mouse.. I thnink its a small almost cute mousey.

time to call the landlord..? I am such a scaredy cat.

good night.

I have seen this before. True or not, I am enjoying its logic tonight.

WATER
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of
water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more
than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we
are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

WINE
We do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka,
beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation
process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
WATER = Poop

WINE = HEALTH
FREE YOURSELF OF POOP ... DRINK WINE

It is better to drink wine and talk shit than it is to drink water
and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am
doing it as a public service and because I have a kind heart.

Onto other news:

• enjoying many of the loose teas that I purchased at Orange Cat cafe (Lewiston, NY) Supporting the local business..

• worked on various projects in my Y-Town home. Last weekend I secluded myself from everyone and spent some serious time thinking- no distractions. This weekend, I have taken some of what I concluded from last weekend and began acting upon it. Multiple things going on, its good to do them from one place. I also made "chili" and cleaned. Feeling rather good and relaxed.

• spent time with (e:pyrcedgrrl) - lots of good convo and venting. Thanks.

• spent time with mon mere this evening. A lot of excellent conversation. Good mother/daughter stuff. I filled her in on the future direction of me. Prior to her leaving, she thanked me for it. I had a quizzical expression on my face and she replied that, "sometimes you are... unreachable".

It isn't on purpose-- I just live in side my head. It is easy for me to take in all of the information, but I don't share the output. Sometimes you just have to ask. It may throw me off, I may get flustered but I will articulate, eventually. I can talk about anything-- except myself.- the inner working of my mind. Well, some people can pull my thoughts out..

but I retreat easily.

Anyway, my mom is amzaingly smart,, perceptive and very much in the know.

I noticed that she still has the (e:strip) bumper sticker that I placed on her car over the summer. She wasnt going to keep it on there, but she has. cute. As of recently, she finally owns her first computer-- but still does not have online access. Where she lives, she can not get DSL. I doubt she would spring for cable. I see dial-up in her future. eek.

• enjoyed a bit of a French lesson this evening as well. I am always open to trying new things. Learning another language to the point of being able to effectively use and understand it, is on my "to do" list. As always, when I am conversing with someone who is originally from another continent, it is intriging to learn about them in a way that is different than learning about,say, the neighbors.

• I must make a shopping trip to Comp USA and Best Buy. I still need to fondle cameras and I am looking for a better web cam/microphone.

• I have the munchies but nothing to munch on. The thing about Y-town is that there aren't any stores open past 9/10 pm. I suppose its a good thing as I don't need to munch on anything at this moment..

no, wait.. I have Peanut Butter Cookie Crisp! sweet.

Hope all is well
Carey

Stepped outside around 2 am and looked up at the stars- a simple and fond pleasure. It was a clear night, I could see many contellations. The added bonus of fresh sweet air gave me a lift.

I was contemplating the history of SPACE travel during part of this veiwing and I thought more about the condition of the space crafts that have been used through NASA. The fleets are original and many of the same problems exist on them- sealant rings and such, and their technology seems to be suspended in time. But thats just NASA. I had been reading about 'talks' of modernization--

such as, Lockheed Martin has a bid on creating an updatedspace shuttle. Before Lockheed and Martin merged, it was Lockheed who was part of the technology in creating the fleet of ships that comprised the Challenger and Discovery.

Well, I just woke up and am not quite prepared to go into detail, but I see that (e:paul) wtote about spaceshuttles. Instead of leaving a comment, I make a quick post instead.

So yeh, funny that you mention it :) There is plenty of space innovation, but through other companies, some privately held, others, just keeping it private- for now. Or one who is interested in science will find updates in related magazines, and online media.

Companies working at making it happen- SpaceShipTwo of Virgin Glactic- for space tourism (test flights begiining end of next year/early '08), Space Ports (New Mexico based commercial space flight program), Liftport Group for space elevators.. etc These companies are focusing on the commercial tourist element of space travel.

So what of companies looking to enhance space research?


I have been tracking Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon.com for several years. Primarily due to his entreprenureal spirit and how he developed over the years- but more recently,2-3 years, I have focused on his space vehicle production and space colony aspirations. I know that this has been moving forward, but in light of pauls post, I want to link some of the relevant articles here- or just go to a Yahoo! or Google search :)

Under the banner of a Seattle-area company called Blue Origin, a spacecraft dubbed the New Shepard Reusable Launch Vehicle would take off vertically, like NASA's space shuttle. But unlike the shuttle, which glides to earth and lands like an airplane, the spaceship would land vertically.

The developer, Blue Origin, created by Jeff (and they are hiring!)


Blue Origin design-- a sketch, not final



and again, we have Lockheed Martin..

and NASA is beginning to work on their efforts to be on the leading edge- by outsourcing. I have read (and have been informed by ex NASA personnel) that there is a plan. From what I could gather from reading, it appears that they are encouraging other companies to create new space systems. Perhaps this explains part of the increase in private companies involvement in space business-- or they are completley independent of NASA influence and it is NASA responding to them. hmmmm.

Either way, NASA is indeed pulling away from the 'one size fits all' design of the prior archaic fleet and create something that will fit a couple of purposes:

A Crew Transfer Vehicle (CTV) would move people from earth to orbit, using the space station as a transit point. A second vehicle, the Crew Exploration Vehicle, or CEV, would stay in space and be used for orbital work (repairing satellites, weather and astronomy studies, etc.) and for trips to and from the moon.

Lockheed Martin design


Think I'll search for a NASA design..

yes, and this was going to be just a 'comment'.


later peeps-- off from work today, hurray! (e:pyrcedgrrl) is joingin me at my place for some Lychee Black tea. It iis from some of the booty I brought back from NYC.

I need to travel more and soon.. suggestions?

I had to have hamburger helper today. I stopped at a grocery store to pick up an assortment of veggies and beans for 'chili' that I intend to make soon. I get out of work so late at times, that I am famished by the time I get home. Stopping at the store delayed my home time even more. While in the store, I felt my hunger increasing with every step. I couldn't hold off for chili, even if I did happen to make it tonight. I happened upon a box of cheesburger hamburger helper and it sounded great. Now I havent had this in years.. and it never actually tasted that good to me.

but damn i was hungry and it looked like somehting that would be quick and fabulous. I picked up ground turkey as the meat.

It was pretty good, although I am dying of thirst now from the overload of salt- ugh-why so much.

ok, boring, who cares. ha.

The only other thing on my mind is work and the great sense of disonance I have been feeling for awhile- on many levels- personal and professional.

so its easier to write about hamburger helper.

gonna go guzzle a gallon of aqua..

night!

BING
BING BING BING BOING BOING BING!!

I have so much energy I do not know what to do with myself.

I woke up on the right side of the bed.

Mental clarity

Patience

problem solving

wit

laughing- cracking myself up and others.

racing thoughts

feeling pleasant- not a drop of annoyance

talking a million miles a minute if there were such a thing--full of enthusiasm, energy, elation, creativity, risk taking and I suppose, strangely, a sense of calm.



I FEEL LIKE MYSELF!

Please don't go away- its been so many weeks--

I am never quite in a "bad mood". My "down" or "blah" is just about everyone elses "normal".

I am usually
UP
up
up

Not annoyingly cheerful-- just delightful obnoxious.

heh, not, "looks like somebody has a case of the mondays" cheerful

more like, Carey's a nut. try to keep up.

A sstate of mind and being that many people have to pay for.

I think the 'dip" down is job related.. and finishing school.. and not having a transition fom one to the other. Not complaining for I am very grateful.. But thinking over the time line-- 8 weeks.. I ve been running on mediocre. Again, my feeling of 'down' is everyones 'normal'.. other peoples 'high' is my normal-- which is how I feel today. My 'high' is well, bliss.

.. yet I have been in a flux, and unbalance, feeling my creativity and energy sucked out of me through a vortex (i like that word) of unsatisfying employment and feeling in general that I need to be doing "more" not feeling like I have a place

can't quite say unsatisfying. I dig certain elelments of it.. The chaos, the change, the tearing down and rebuilding..

but not the nit picking details

not the thousands of "everything needs immediate attention"

not the abuse and exploitation of my beloved staff/employees who are rightfully scared of the the changes, the long history of mistrust (that I have stepped into) and that they are working on getting over. I will go to battle for them.. and I have

but its hard to be assertive while you are still fresh and learning.

But I have a voice, and I am asserting it.. not sure what reputation I am building.. I am doing it for the greater good, not for me. It isn't about me.

overheard people talking about me.. "what a mess she was thrown into.. Im glad she is here.. she is actually nice and fun"

really? I feel like I have been so.. blah..

no wonders i made some people choke with laughter today.. they got to see ME. Which was nice.. noticed how it energized others. hmmm

I am scattered in my writing.. My thoughts are clearer than this, but I can't type fast enough and I need to be doing something to calm my brain down.. BOING BPINBG BOING

I should be writing-- really writing, painitng, drawing, scaling a mountain, jumping on a plane and going.. somewhere.

my muse is around corner, i just don't knwo what or where..

I had received this from my AUnt/Uncle as part of a graduation gift, which I have on my desk at work, a small but super heavy metal block that asks,

"what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

well, what woudl you do??

If I can answer that, I will know my next step.

I needed today, a return to 'me' to remind myself of this question.

remember, anything is possible.. nothing is impossible