Grad ceremony was better than I thought. I was not nervous in the least. That seems to be the case..I work myself up over something (for months), then the actual event I pull through just fine.

With just 206 graduates, the Medaille ceremony was quick and did not require large tvs for everyone to see it, as UB graduation ceremonies often do. Paul noted/has picture in his journal about a friend who just graduated. (e:paul,4351) My undergrad is from UB.. I didn't go to that ceremony. I know now that I didn't miss out on anything. Yuck.. too many people.

The speaker (college President??) was fun and motivational. I might track him down at a later date to pick his brain.

My mom, Ashley(niece) and (e:pyrcedgrrl) (Dana) attended. Thank you! I needed the moral support :)

I had fun bantering with my classmates. We were a bit obnoxious at times..sometimes I am the ring leader in creating a laughing frenzy. I just find so many opportunities to make silly comments, that one of these days will be sure to get me into trouble. Anyway, it was a good time. I set out with that attitude in mind..


I'll look over the pics that Dana took and will eventually post some. When I do pictures, I have to be on a different computer. One of these days, I will install the software on this computer as well,so it wont matter which one I am on.

After the ceremony there was a reception of the sort. Cookies, juice, etc. I didn't go. It was mad crazy crowded.. so I chatted with classmates for a few then headed out the door. Dana had to leave for work, otherwise I am sure she would have joined us out for a late lunch. Right after we ate, Ashley took off. She had plans with friends to go to Grad night at Darien Lake (she graduates high school next month).

The rest of the evening was spent with my mother who took me shopping. I am not a shopper. I buy necessitiies when I absolutely must. And I enjoy buying books and techy stuff and a couple of girly things once in awhile. My mom can usually be found at Sears or Home Depot, as she knows how to do everything. Really.

So we went to Sears. hahaha

ok, she wanted me to look at an outdoor screened "gazebo". I had one last year, but it eventually fell apart. The day of my birthday party was spent duct tapping it back together as some freaky winds undid the welding. Remember, (e:ladycroft) ?? haha. Shortly thereafter, it came down and was trashed. Knowing that I wanted another (of better quality), she had been looking around for one for me. She liked one (of many) at Sears. I liked it too (I am easy), and she bought it for me (and some other neato stuff). Yay.

It will be delivered soon. OY, I think I have to put it together..

but bonfires, lazy summer nights and pitchers of lemodade/iced tea/mojitos will make it well worth it :)

I crashed early last night. I didn't want to go back out. It was a busy day. Once I returned home at 9:00, I knew I was in for the night. I was so hungry that I ordered food to be delivered. I just couldn't bring myself to cook anything or open anything. I didn't even have milk for cereal..

My food arrives, I watch the tail end of Close to Home (?) and then settle in for an hour of Numb3rs. I am really liking that show. I just never remember to watch it, or rather, I am often not home to watch it. Then I watched some Law and Order (hmmm, my long time favorite show-- the only thing I watch) and eventually passed out. The day wore me out and I slept well.

Forward to ---> 8 mile walk/hike this afternoon, conversations with strangers, shopping at the Co- Op, made a yummy dinner, late night 2 mile walk under the stars (super clear tonight..go out and look!) and now, finishing this post before playing a computer game for the remainder of the night.

Tomorrow: nothing definite.. probably homework, clean, bike ride if it isn't too windy. Maybe see who is out and about. Whatever happens..

Good night :)

the clarity of the sky makes for an ideal night to star gaze. I was only outside for a few minutes. I forwent my nightly walk. I feel unsettled. So here I am, trying to settle down for the night anyways..

a cup of tea, relaxing music and a computer game or two should help..

or just turn off the lights and day dream until I am pulled into sleep.

so.. graduation ceremony is in twelve hours. (1 pm)

I need to get up early...but I am not tired at all. Too much energy, too many thoughts. I could use a mental diversion..

If I wake up early enough, I would like to take a long walk before I get ready to do the "walk" across stage.

Afterwards, no plans.. some of my classmates want to go drinking/bar hopping; but that just doesn't appeal to me. At all.

Instead, I will probably come home and do some homework, heh.

hmmm..

Happy Friday :)

Carey

tea.

I was telling a friend about this tea that I recently purchased.
Now I have to post about it.

Yogi Tea brand "Bedtime Tea"

its insane. or makes me feel that way.

it says, "natural sleep aid: promotes restful sleep and relaxation"

and "crazy ass dreams and other states of delerium"

ok, that last part I made up, but it should be on the packaging somewhere.

I drank. (chugged not sipped)

I put the cup down.

I fell over on top of my pillows and Bob (stuffed turtle)

and dreampt. kind of...

My body wasnt ready to sleep. I would awaken then get pulled right back under. Dreams were elusive but I recall some strangness.

I vividly recall sitting straight up at one point in the night with a revelation of the sorts.

made me think (again) how much stuff we have kicking around in our minds. "Brain Poo" (TM)

so here you go, Yogi Tea Healing Formula hahahahaha








on another note:
I walk in less than two days. I finally picked up my cap and gown. I have no idea how to wear the hood. Do I put it on or do they? I am nervous. Now I am beginning to think about what I will wear and how I will do my hair hahahahaha. I find humor in that. I think I will wear a dress... and straighten my hair...and... ahhhhhhhhhh

I officially took the day off from work, as it is at 1pm. Well, my team pretty much made me take the day off. "You are not coming in on your graduation day". I was going to do a half day, but now I am glad that I am not. I think I will need the time to mentally (and apparently physically) prepare myself for the ceremony. yeesh.. I'm 30, why such nevousness?

Alright, I am finishing my tea..

good night :)

Carey

So, I was driving in the passing lane, along the stretch of the 190N that goes through Grand Island. I was going about 65 (in 55) miles per hour when I see a truck approaching behind me.

I go a little faster, and the truck gets closer.

I speed up a little more and so do they.

This truck could have gone around me, there was plenty of room for them to pass me. I figure, if I am doing 70 plus, and they want to go faster, then go ahead and pass me. I was expecting to be flashed with their headlights, ya know, the signal to move the heck over.

No, instead they chose to ride my butt. Heh, at that point, the truck was so close that I could only see its front grill. If I dared to touch my brakes, I would have been read-ended. yeh, it was tempting.

See, I used to mess around a lot with drivers long ago, but I still have occasional spikes of automotive mayhem in me. (e:theecarey,126) My stories are fun and ridiculous and admittedly, immature. I've raced (ok, still do on occasion), I have done power brakes, burn outs, time trials, off roading, mudding, chasing, and all sorts of other craziness. It has been (many) years.. I have let most if it go.. but not all of it. On occasion, you'll hear me/see me gunning the engine of whatever crappy car I am driving at a stop light...come on, you know you wanna race me! heh, my little beater and your tubbed big blockm muscle car, hehe. Its the thrill and delusion in trying :)

ok, so I felt that this truck driver could just go around me if they wanted to. Lots of room pal, be gone! But no, you insist on riding my bum-per

((heartbeat quickens, residule effects of past thrill emerge))

So I scope out the situation. Truck on my ass. A bunch of cars up ahead in other lane. I gas the car to speed up to them.

Truck still attached to my rear end. Now I KNOW this driver is messing with me.

I catch up with other cars. I "pace" them. Now both lanes are are driving 65-70 miles. The truck can't pass and the truck knows I am on to him/her. Oddly, the cars seem to be slowing down, and instead of pacing them, I am beginning to pass them. I fugured, next course of action is to pace through all of the cars, and then once I am side by side with the last car (which would be first car ahead), I will step on the gas.

This goes as planned. And truck knows I am messing as hard with them as they are me.

So once I speed up to 80.. I then suddenly slow it down to 70. This allowed the truck time to go around me..

Which they did. Well.. first they paced me. (nice move, by the way)

I didn't dare look over.. didn't want to give them the gratification of my looking to see who it was. Besides, they were so high up, that we wouldnt have been able to see each other. But just in case.. I didn't look.

Well, the truck paced me for a moment before gassing it himself and then sharply pulled in front of me, and tapped his brakes. (another good move I must admit)

Forcing me to tap mine.

Then I saw.

heh.
I found myself tapping my brakes again, a little harder this time...

((Ya know, the kind of reaction you get when you are suddenly faced with a trooper when you are going too fast. But you know its a silly move as its obvious already that you are speeding.))

so yeh, I tapped the brakes..

because the truck that was messing with me and me with it..



...was a State Trooper-- in a larger chevy blazer!!!!!!!!!

My heart stopped.

Then I burst into nervous laughter.

I thought, what the heck was that all about.. and why didn't he pull me over, on or off duty?? (and now I know why all the cars slowed down..)


Not to sound disappointed, but I would have pulled me over just for the fun of it. omg.. I can't believe that happened. I think its funny that I stomped on the brake pedal once I realized who it was... a natural reaction.

So, I would say he (she?) won that one.

I just drove a few miles dumfounded and in awe. The trooper just driving ahead of me, but with my slowing down considerably, I eventually lost sight of him.

and I wonder, was it as good for them as it was for me???

good night and drive safe, kiddos :)

I just came in from a short walk in the light rain. I felt a bit anxious and in need of getting some air. The thirty or so minute trek through town ridded me of most of my blah-ness. However, upon return, I felt a surge in feeling obnoxious. I want to wrestle someone. Or climb a tree. Or jump in my car and drive till morning, destination unknown...

instead I hop into bed and onto my laptop. My mind is too bouncy to read.. so instead, I write. Not sure where this is going to go.. please excuse all grammar, spelling and mental meandering..

I think my head and heart have been in a battle lately.

I have my graduation ceremony on Friday. The last graduation I went to was for highschool, and I didn't even want to go to that one. I skipped the Associates and the Bachelors ceremony.

Heh, I remember being on campus the day of my Bachelors ceremony. Know what I was doing? I was playing Vampire, a role playing game. My mom didn't talk to me for weeks. She wanted me to go and I didn't..

I can be really shy even though it doesn't really appear that way. I can get in front of people and do the public speaking bit, I am pretty outgoing and I will give anything a try.. but I am still shy. I am assertive, that isn't a problem either. I always work to get over the shy bit. I detest being in the way of myself.. (if that makes sense?)

.. And for some reason, doing the "parading across stage" in a cap and gown just weirds me out. Maybe it has to do with attention being placed on me? Not sure..
I know I am going this Friday (1pm Kleinhans), as I realize that it isn't about me anymore. My mom really wants me to go and my classmates expect me to be there as well. If my neice goes, it will be good for her to see a family member graduate from college.

But I still feel all anxious inside. Since I am open to trying anything, i have to be open to this as well. Come on, it is just a ceremony. If this is the least of my concerns, I am very grateful.

Ok, so this sense of anxiety leads me to having to face my next career step. I know not what to do. I regularly say that I have maxed out my postition. It bothers me that I have been saying it on and off for a couple of years now. But it has suited me while I have been in school. Good hours, benefits, awesome co workers, consumers, etc...and during this time I havent had to really attend to the process of making the next step.

But now I am approaching the end of my schooling (well, atleast with this degree, anyways-- I will always take a class or soemthing.. ) I need to figure what my next step is. Do I stay in the mental health field? Do I try somthing else, switch gears a little.. Do I begin the process of figuring out how to start my own business (whatever that may be.. I know its in the cards, my entrepreneurial spirit wont let me have it any other way.. )

heh.. or do i go onto another degree? Ofcourse it is something I think about.. but then I wonder, am I doing it for the challenge or for the "safety net" that comes with being a college student? I have to grow up sometime, right? I could go on for a doctorate (I've been provisionally accepted) or I could try a masters in something completely different, which is very appealing. I could wait a few years..and see where my life takes me... see so many options, choices, motivations to figure out.

so, although I think my head and heart have been in a battle, I don't think either knows what it wants (in regards to college/career stuff). Maybe I am squirrely on a bunch of things. I know that when I get to feeling like this, I need to just relax my mind/heart and from there what truly matters will surface. Then I can tackle whatver comes of it..

onto other stuff as of late..


My on again, off again stalker managed to make contact very recently. I jotted down notes during a conversation. I try to find the humor in it, but it creeps me out all the same. I find myself wondering if I am doing anything to lead this person on (not that there has been any contact in over 21 months-- even though he has persistently tried).

Now that contact has been officially made, I am disturbed. I am tempted to share the details of the conversation (again, I took notes because it was so creepy, odd, and such..), yet I am deciding against it at this time. Although I don't feel it is a serious matter, I don't want to make light of it either. Lets just get to the main point that I "tried" to make.. "no, i don't see us as friends, as I think you are looking for something much more than I can give you... I have reservations in talking to you.. or seeing you.. it isn't going to happen.. not interested in you.. no connection.. blah blah" Yeh, it sucks to put yourself out there and be shot down.. but then you move on. I mean, I was very clear then and I was clear this time as well. No need to read between the lines.. I said what was necessary, yet with respect and dignity...

Now I remember that firm wasnt good enough two years ago, as firm may not be working now. Back then, I had to get mean, which isn't me. I felt sick by it.. but it never stopped him from calling. ever.. and it still hasn't. I have always gone the honest approach.. but now it may be useful to try another tactic. Such as (e:pyrcedgrrl) suggested.. have a male be on my outgoing messages and/or have a male pick up the phone sometime under the guise of being my boyfriend/fiance/husband. I never seriously considered it before...

So again, I try to laugh it off.. it does have its humorous elements to it...but I am not comfortable with it, as I can't seem to get through to him. (e:pyrcedgrrl) affectionately refers to him as "slayer". Friends share..but you know what, he is all yours, hahahahahaha :)

• breathe in, breathe out*... again, not at all the worst thing that has happened.

But from all this perceived craziness, I again, truly appraciate my family and friends (old and new). I am always learning from them.. and love that they are in my life. thank you.


heh, my dishes aren't done and eveything appears to be a mess. Tomorrow after work I will make it all look, feel and smell good again. mmmm, will also cut a bunch of lilacs to place around the apartment. Cleaning and organizing can be fun when I am in the mood. It is especially helpful when I have some great songs to dance to while I am doing all this.

So on that note, I have some really great songs added to my iPod. I spent a good part of yesterday downloading music. I will probably change my user sound once again. It is (or was) Art of Noice, Moments in Love (trance)... a pretty hot song. But now its time to try something else. I am very happy with a few specific new ones that a friend shared with me. It is great when a song makes me smile...

Its about that time.. good night, be safe, smell the lilacs.. and make time for yourself. Some things *can* wait..

Carey

if you are into drums as I am, you may appreciate the new user sound: japanese traditional - Kodo Ibuki Taiko Drums