Vitae Summa Brevis Spem Nos Vetat Incohare Longam

I came home from class a bit early due to nausea that has been coming and going all day long along with a headache. I rarely get headaches...ouch. Something going around at work. I intended to be asleep by now, but I am not quite able to fall asleep. Thinking and brainaches are keeping me up. I turn to a book of poetry to help calm my mind..

So I revisted an anthology of poetry that spans over six centuries. Interesting that some things, in regards to feelings and other related heart/headaches remain the same, despite time. Don't we ever figure it out? get it right? lol...

I include in this post, specific lines from poems that I can relate to (and/or like how they sound..)

excerpt from, With You a Part of Me - George Santayana

"...Your gift of charity and young heart's ease,
And the dear honor of your amity;
For these once mine, my life rich with these.
And I scarce know which part may greater be--
What I keep of you, or you rob from me."

excerpt from, Somewhere I Have Never Travelled- E.E. Cummings

"(I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)"

heh..

excerpt from, Solitude- Harold Monro

"When you have tidied all things for the night,
And while your thoughts are fading to their sleep,
You'll pause a moment in the late firelight,
Too sorrowful to weep..."

There are plenty of others..

Don't laugh. I have always liked LL Cool J. Especially the 'old school' variety. I aimed to have a song as a user sound but all of what I have tends to be too large. Especially one in particular.. So, in its entirety, the lyrics from LL Cool J's, I need Love. Feeling cheesy and I just don't care, haha.. read it, you get the idea.. Maybe you will know what I mean. Simple stuff, yet so complicated?


I Need Love

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love

Romance sheer delight how sweet
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete
You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle
I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat
kiss you on the cheek and say ooh girl you're so sweet
It's deja vu whenever I'm with you
I could go on forever telling you what I do
But where you at you're neither here or there
I swear I can't find you anywhere
Damn sure you ain't in my closet, or under my rug
this love search is really making me bug
And if you know who you are why don't you make yourself seen
take the chance with my love and you'll find out what I mean
Fantasy's can run but they can't hide
and when I find you I'm gon' pour all my love inside
I need love
I need love

I wanna kiss you hold you never scold you just love you
suck on you neck, caress you and rub you
Grind moan and never be alone
if you're not standing next to me you're on the phone
Can't you hear it in my voice, I need love bad
I've got money but love's something I've never had
I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all
I love you more than a man who's 10 feet tall
I'd watch the sunrise in your eyes
we're so in love when we hug we become paralyzed
Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal
yo''re as soft as a pillow and I'm as hard as steel
It's like a dream land, I can't lie I never been there
maybe this is an experience that me and you can share
Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet
I swear to you this is something that I'll never forget
I need love
I need love

See what I mean I've changed I'm no longer
a play boy on the run I need something that's stronger
Friendship, trust honor respect admiration
this whole experience has been such a revelation
It's taught me love and how to be a real man
to always be considerate and do all I can
Protect you you're my lady and you mean so much
my body tingles all over from the slightest touch
Of your hand and understand I'll be frozen in time
till we meet face to face and you tell me you're mine
If I find you girl I swear I'll be a good man
I'm not gonna leave it in destiny's hands
I can't sit and wait for my princess to arrive
I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive
I'll search the whole world for that special girl
when I finally find you watch our love unfurl
I need love
I need love

Girl, listen to me
When I be sittin in my room all alone, staring at the wall
fantasies, they go through my mind
And I've come to realize that I need true love
and if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen
I'll be waiting
I love you.


Good night
xo Carey

My friend Damien builds stuff. He made the following bike from scratch. It was on display recently at HSBC Arena (or whatever that place is called..)

I assume it is back at the shop at this point. His girlfriend, Lynn, sent me the pics and I thought I would post them. They are both good friends of mine, both of whom I went to school with. Damien went to Lewiston-Porter and Lynn went to Wilson. They both reside in Wilson now. I don't get out to see them nearly as much as I used to. They are wonderful people..

Not much of a bike person myself, but I can appreciate just about anything with an engine, especially when I know and am proud of the person who put it all together.

Enjoy :)

[link=www.radioactivecycles.com]www.radioactivecycles.com[/link]




oh yeh, notice that the shift or something or other is a sword. OY, I have lost my capacity to think at this moment.. hehe

Have a good nigth everyone.. my school paper is about done. I can wrap up the rest just before class.

Wish me sweet dreams...

xo carey

multidimensional?

ha, not this post, and tonight, not this writer. Just taking a quick break from the school stuff. Sometimes my brain hurts. So lets get to the "Random Thoughts and Questions" segment of todays (e:strip) post:


1. Who's my baby's daddy?!?!

just kidding.


2. I shared this on the chat earlier, thought I'd share again...

Tonight, well, technically Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00am in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
That will never happen again. Neato.


3. Sic Transit Gloria Mundi. Does this apply to a bowl of Panda Paws ice cream???


4. Why do I continue to have a pit in my stomach? A desire to vomit, scream, cry, laugh maniacally--yet they are transient feelings...come and go. Nothing too serious, yet significant enough that I am having some messed up dreams lately. Real and abstract--scary and comforting--more brain poo, I guess. My head and heart are trying to process something. Plus school--hurray for midterms and multiple papers with less than a week to prepare and write. Wtf. Breathe in. Breathe out. Its all good... However, I need to find an outlet, distraction, means to vent, quick.

5. Anyone have a good lentil recipe? I havent made anything with lentils in the past two weeks. I am sorely lacking on coming up with a different use for them. Not that I ever get sick of them, but I could use some ideas. I also purchased a box of barley.

6. How can it be after ten pm already??

7. I don't have class next Thursday. You have no idea how much I need that. My grad program runs straight through to the end. I am sure to have mentioned this before--no breaks--at all. Thanksgiving there was no class as it is on a Thursday. Christmas we had one class off. Next Thursday it is due to Easter, I am assuming. That's it until I graduate. But I'll take it. Maybe will give me some extra time to figure stuff out w/o assignments burdening my thoughts. Chilling with good friends.. talking, sparring, laughing, crying (me)..I love that. Well, not so much the tears part, as that is new to me.. yet that intrigues me as well. Whatever, I roll with it.

8. It is almost halfway through the week. Where did the weekend go? It was good-- it was also weird and busy and fun--good conversation, drinks, music (no emo shit), school work, cleaning, food--etc etc.

9. Looking forwards to the weekend as always.

10. The Bench Warmers comes out on Friday.


Rob Schneider, Daven Spade, Jon Heder-- looks silly and brainless. That sounds wonderful to me!
Even the new Scary Movie (3 or 4??) looks entertaining.
I havent been to a movie in ages..
nor have I rented one..



I need to get back to my school work..

good night all.
Carey xo

Its never to early (or late) to start thinking about your retirement- i snagged this from the net-- so for your amusement, a super quicky:


INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now be worth $49.00

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank
all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling
REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and
recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg Plan

:)

Have a good one everyone

Carey

I had a moment (or two or three) last night.


First Moment: During my entire graduate program I have been assimilating the information to a world that I know--and trying to figure out more about what I don't know (yet). I am intrigued by the sense of having many of the pieces to the "puzzle"within my "life repertoire". What I am experiencing with this program is that I am now better suited to put those pieces together. Things make sense on a much deeper level, and now I am taking that and expanding on it. I hold no school of thought as an authority on any part of my thinking. I also take what I learn from a subject as determine how it applies within various contexts.

So, I am a big fan of quantum physics. (subatominc particles, nuclear physics, blah blah) http://theory.uwinnipeg.ca/physics/quant/node1.html

well, anything Quantum (quanta)
I particularly resonate with Chaos Theory --Funny that it has slipped my stream of consciousness over the course of the year. Yet it has somehow surfaced within many of my thought patterns. There were a few occasions in class that I wanted to address a topic utilizing Chaos Theory (WIKIPEDIA - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_theory)as a form of reference. Then there are other times that I wonder why I would bring certain thoughts back around to this theory, it isn't as though I don't have an extensive knowledge base to pull from (btw, I suck at Jeopardy, I need more than 15 seconds to process the question and form an answer. I am delighted by those who can fire off answers to questions, as I sit there in the dust-- don't ask me, as I won't know the answer until my thought is fully baked!)


Ok, I am now out on that. You are officially privy to my deep seeded nerd tendencies.

I love to wrap my mind around anything Quantum- it can be applied to so much! Chaos Theory is a turn on. As are all things cerebral. That's my happy place. I visit other places, but I always return to the brain. Its where it ALL starts. You know this to be true.. Do I need to say it? Sex, baby..Lets get on with the mentalcourse --creativity, imagination, sensuality- pleasures in life-- start with the mind...
Anyhow, I am now finding that there are Others who relate to chaos theory and find that it applies directly to--choose-- Organizational Leadership, Organizational Psychology, --all has to do with systems thinking, which is rooted in some applications of Quantum physics--and even more so, Chaos Theory. This information can be applied to numerous situations. I found a few people (serendipitously, during some research. I am going to contact them) that incorporate Chaos Theory into their work. Chaos, complexity, confusion---catalysts for change and growth.

If you're not confused, you're not paying attention--Tom Peters

Shivers ran up and down my body..excited to the point of bursting-- nerd elation This is what I think about, this is how I think, this that I have been unable to put my finger on is something that I have had my hand in for a very long time? Why didn't I see it before now? Well, apparently I did... Now I see that it is really out there--I guess I needed the validation of seeing that others think similarly.

I am jotting these thoughts down while in class. Coincidentally I was just able to make a comment about Chaos Theory. What is it and why I like it. I felt cheesy in my exuberance..

I haven't spent time reading my delicious quantum books, chaos books, complexity books and articles in a very long time. Well,not since before starting grad school.

Let me go dust off those books and reacquaint myself. I love to learn and unlearn.



Second Moment: Whipped cream--the kind out of the can is sensually delicious.

I have a deep urge to finger paint with it.
Found some ripe strawberries at my local market. I also spontaneously grabbed a can of whipped cream. Then went home and made a cup of hot chocolate and prepared a bowl of strawberries.

However, some things are better shared.