I've mastered the melancholy smile. I am drunk on my own wistful thoughts. I wist and I wist. How can my lust for melancholy turn the corners of my mouth up. A wistful curl. I am listening to Crazy by Aerosmith. It's a great song, and I remember the video. It was idling through my head earlier. I downloaded it. Now it's reality. It's a wistful kinda song, appropriate for my mood. I am really good at being alive, but not so hot at living. Well sometimes. Who's to define anyways? I am bundling up to go outside. Walks are nice if you're cozy inside. I indulge myself too much on introspect. It gets to be a habit, and it's not unpleasant. It's weird to be lonely inside but happy anyways. We teach ourselves the craziest things. How we twist our inborn feelings, morphing them through thought. Again, my lip curls, a wistful melancholy.

Funny that my last journal says "end the wat." Fucking wats, hate'em! The protest was. My view is that it is just a matter of being there. I am not quite ready to go smashing police car windows and breaking the jail open, which would be something really radical and perhaps worthwhile, but the least I can do is stand in the rain so people watching the 5 o'clock news will remember once again that at least a few people question. So stickboy's right, it was lame. We all milled around. Some people had signs. It was strange at the beginning where everyone was in a ring around the grass, not stepping on it (though we did in pitiful defiance). They were singing give peace a chance, a favorite of mine <ahem>. But as long as none of us is going to do anything really revolutionary...

I am also of the opinion that it's gone too far. That people are just too damn ignorant, too wrapped up in American Idol and McDonalds to ever give a fuck. And I call them the people because they are the majority (and I the screaming nut minority, much less a representation of america). The next big change just might come about due to a meteor or tidal wave. It could be something much more mundane though, a stock market crash, massive unemployment (we're getting close on both of these). Then it wouldn't be a matter of us leftists making things change, but more a matter of us defining in what direction the change goes. Unfortunately the armed Christian militias are way ahead of us in preparing for these times. I wish I were a prophet or a saint. No not really. That's a lot of pressure. I guess to me, I go to the protest because it's the fucking least my lazy cynical ass can do. I don't do anything else besides write on this dumb useless (in a larger sense, though it gives me much personal satisfaction) journal. And if it's only so the fatfucks sitting on the couch in Cheektowaga see a 20 second news blurb then so be it. I didn't have anything better to do.

Tomorrow 3/20/2004, marking the aniversarry of the war with Iraq, a protest is being held worldwide against our unilateral use of force and preventive war. The intent is to have as many, if not more, people on the streets as the massive prewar rally that united millions across the world in defiance of our current administrations agenda.

From WNY Peace Center: Gather at 12 noon at Lafayette Sq., march to FBI, Federal Bldg, INS to defend our Lackawanna neighbors, demand end to war and occupations in Iraq and Palestine, march to Police HQ to protest police brutality, march to Columbus Clinic to call for money for people's needs, not war; more plans to be announced!

I am a weirdo looker. Fuzzy pits too!

I love science. I am a fan of the logical processes. I think we should explore the world and find out as much as possible. I do however feel that there are things that we study that are a result of our strange lifestyles. I recently read of two studies with the purpose of saving us from ourselves. In the first, researchers have succesfully altered the genome of mice so that they produce muscle and fat combinations that possess up to 50% more omega3-fatty acids. They did this by splicing genes of a worm into the host genomes. This type of fat is much healthier for humans to consume. The eventual goal of the task is to make cows and pigs and such that are better for us to eat. My question: why do we need to eat them at all or so much, if they're so bad for us? The other study has to do with finding cancer cells using quantum physcis. Again, a good goal, but it seems that we're looking to cure symptoms instead of rooting out the primary cause (anyone feeling shreds of our recent war-syndrome?). Why can't we just learn to eat better and live healthier so that we don't get these maladies? Treating symptoms is good, but erradicating root causes is much more important. Our efforts should focus on making the world a healthier place and not on treating the symptoms solely derived from our current industrial atmoshere.