Well, I have not slipped into listening to Portishead yet, which is good. I think the weather is reflecting my mood. And honestly, I'm probably just moody from being run down. I'm tired. I want to sleep and dare not yet as I will just get up in a couple of hours and then be up all night which is not good. I want to be crafty and do things but at the same time I just can't be bothered. I want to talk to my friends but then I will have to explain things, tell them things, which I won't do if I don't talk to them, and, again, I just can't be bothered.

Friends with benefits, that's what I need. Actually, it's sort of what I'm looking for and what I haven't found and that, quite honestly, is a part of my funk- along with tiredness and confusion and too much change far too fast and just life in general. I'm coming down with some sort of throat infection. I can feel it. My throat is always the first body part to get taken down by germs. Time for homeopathy, I think. I just can't be bothered. I think I kind of enjoy the scratchy irritation as it reminds me that I'm still alive and it makes me appreciate my voice which I only ever seem to appreciate when it's in jeopardy. When I can't sing, I'm a basket case. I think that's all for now. I need to get out of my head- stop thinking How does one really do that? I certainly don't know.

I think it's officially time to become a hermit, again. I do this, where cloister myself in my home and just dwell there, and if I didn't have to leave, to go to work and interact with people, then I wouldn't. I'm horribly confused and sort of torn up inside right now and it's not over who it ought to be over. So, I'm going to retreat, go inside myself and either face myself- my demons, or just cower in there- in my little interior dream world that no one but myself can pull me out of. I'm in a funk and I don't know how long it will last. I could snap out of it tomorrow, then again I might not.

Sometimes, being a genuinely kind, caring person really kind of sucks. Guys never want the good girls, not really. Of course, if any actually bothered to find out what the hell is underneath, they might be very surprised. What I project, which I don't even know what that is anymore, is not who I am, merely an aspect. I have to go. I have to try to at least snap out of this. I cannot stand feeling like this. The Price is Right worked, at least for a little while.

I think my theme song for today would be Ugly Kid Joe's "I Hate Everything About You". Not because I actually hate anyone in particular, but because that's the mood I'm in.

• I did just have my first actual, real smile of the day!* There's hope afterall!

Is it a bad thing when you come home and feel like you're on vacation? I can't figure it out. It's just so quiet and chill here, a far cry form the screaming little bitches that were my next door neighoburs in sunny L.A. I like the solitude. I just took a cat nap on my deck for no other reason than I could. It was warm. It was quiet. I was in a shaddy spot (very key for those of you that have met me and know that I would burst into a ball of flame were I to sit in the sun for more than ten minutes- AH, the joys of being Anglo-Saxon and Polish!) I do, I feel like I'm on vacation. Of course, I have a TON of thngs I need to be doing, none of which I am. I am posting because this is really the first chance that I have had. We moved in on Monday, but the computer stayed at my brother's house (aka- my old house). And I didn't really have the time to sit and write and work. That, and I have a new boss that actually like and so I'm trying to be actually productive. For works, a line from "Officespace" was going through me head, when Peter Gibbons was speaking to the Bobs- "It's not that I'm lazy. I just don't care!" And that was my problem in a nut shell. Honestly, I still really don't care, but I do care more than I did.

It's really nice here. I think I might go for a swim. Than again I really ought to unpack. Almost everything I own is still in boxes. Craziness. Ciao.

Okay, so after getting home from the phenominous E-peeps party at around quarter after three in the A.M., I woke up at around 7:30 and was out of bed by 8, which, frankly, sucks but as the moving odyssey continues, and will be over tomorrow, (Woo HOO!) I just have to put up with being constantly tired for a *wee* bit longer, than, I get a chance to return to "normalcy" prior to school beginning on the 29th. I feel like I'm just spinning and spinning and spinning, and being propelled forward but still spinning and I just want to stop and hang onto something solid, if only for a moment to catch my breath, but I suppose if I did that, I would start to dwell on everything and that, for me, is very, very bad. (On a side note, I really am the queen of long sentences. Nice to know that Somethings haven't changed!) It was so nice to meet LadyCroft and Jason and Josh! Good times, good times. Thanks to Paulnotpaul and Dimartiste, there was many a moment where I was laughing so hard I was crying. Dude, I am really frikken' tired. Off to hopefully finish book six of Harry Potter and then crawl into bed in my old room for the very last time. God, that's a depressing thought. Must look forward not back, must look forward not back. Okay. Night, all!

What does it matter anymore? kept running over and over and over again in my head. I just want to crawl into a cave and lie there until, I don't know, Jesus decends, or some other equally improbable event occurs. I can't wait to be finished with "the Move", which ought to be Monday, just so that some sort of normalcy will return, whatever that is, before I am plunged back into the depths of chaos with the beginning of full-time work and full-time graduate school, where I most likely *Will* disappear, at least from the strip. I will become a hermit, vegging out, and getting angry anytime anyone asks me to do a God- damned thing. I know this, as it tends to be my pattern. And much as I love my puppy, Ella, I'm really not a dog person. I am a cat person. I think that's about it. Oh, I might be there tomorrow. I might not, depending upon how much I get done, if I get a nap in, and what my attitude is by the time 11 o'clock rolls around. I'm going to read Harry Potter now. Maybe it will prevent the slide into depression. I certainly hope so.