I just had this whole damn post, ready to go and the damn thing got erased! mother @#$%-er! ARGH! I hit publish and it came back- NOTHING! Now I have to write the whole thing over again!

YAY! I just booked my trip. I am going to England this May to see my family. I am so excited because now all of my flights are booked- Buffalo to JFK to Heathrow, Heathrow to JFK to Buffalo. I haven't been in nearly six years. In that time, my grandmother moved from the Midlands to the East Coast, my older cousin, Georgina got divorced, had a kid, and remarried (in that order!), my younger cousin Denise, moved and returned from Japan (she hated it there! Total culture shock!), her baby brother Alex moved to New Zealand, got married and had a baby girl, that he and his now estranged wife named Ivy (the funny part here is that their last name is Wall. Imagine naming your baby girl Ivy Wall! It's just so mean!) Also, in that time, my goddaughter/ baby cousin turned 6. 6! I haven't seen her since she was 6 months old! Although I do have a mini shrine to the child! And my Uncle Peter was diagnosed with cancer. My Uncle David also moved, but only three houses down, to a bigger house with an actual conservatory. And my Aunt Ruth, the baby of the family, moved to the coast as well, in order to be close to my grandmother. (She couldn't bear the thought of being without my grandmother!) As you can see, there have been many changes since I've last been there, most especially in world events. I can't wait! Now, I have to get my passport renewed and well, some other personal stuff needs to be, how shall I put this, dealt with. I'M GOING TO ENGLAND! WOO HOO!

Let's see, today at work, I finished balancing my check book. Discovered why I was ten dollars short- which was good. I wrote my goals down for the year. They make take longer than a year, but they are all quite do-able. Somehow, someway, I will accomplish them. That's about it. I may go into more detail later. Then again, maybe not. Bye.

I am late. I am remiss. But, I just had to say that I had *Thee* most wonderful time at Paul's Birthday/ Matt, Paul, Terry's Housewarming Bash! Unfortunately, I had to remain sober, but it was still phenomenal and it was so good to see everyone and to meet new E-strippers as well. (E-strippers... hmmmm... sounds like extra fun!) Anyway, it was nice to be missed and I shall try to now disappear for months at a time anymore, both in the written form and in person. TTFN all!

the Spring (I can't fucking wait for it to get here and for snow and cold to go away!)
Faerie ;)

I had a dream last night that actually woke me up out of sound sleep at 4:30 in the morning, two full hours before I had to get up for work. This dream upset me so much, that I couldn't get it out of my head, making it practically impossible for me to fall back to sleep until my alarm went off at 6:30. (woo hoo.) This dream was about the Boy. Dreams about the boy have a tendency to upset me, so it's a good thing that I only have them about once a year. This morning's dream was as all dreams are, surreal and yet real. I was at the McKinley Mall of all places, and for those of you that know that mall, there is a dry cleaners across from Walden's Book Sellers, but in my dream the dry cleaners was also like a Vegas Wedding Chapel, where you can get married very quickly at any time of day. Well, in this dream, I saw the Boy's mother, his sister and his niece and his sister was getting married in this Wedding Chapel. I talked to them briefly and then went outside. He came after me. I didn't even know he was there. And when I saw him, my eyes immediately focused on his left hand. He was wearing a ring and had gotten married. I was devastated, asking him, "You're married?". I burst into tears and hit him. I was hurt and my first reaction was to strike out. He asked me why and did that and I was walking, kind of in a circle, shaking my head, my heart breaking, and I said, "It's too late! Everyone was telling me to tell you and I never did and now it's too late! I love you! I've been in love with you for years and I never told you." Softly, he replied, "I knew". And then, he kissed me. And it seemed so real. After, I looked at him and asked, "Now, where does that leave us." "I'm still married." "Why? Why her?" "She was there on a suicide watch. I seemed like the right thing to do." My head began to spin, knowing that the marriage wouldn't work, but I couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have kids by the time it failed. I walked away, feeling utterly destroyed. I wound up, at night in AC Moore (of all places!) and bought a bridal magazine of all things! Then, I woke up, upset (but not crying, unlike the last dream with the boy!) and fitfully trying to go back to sleep.