I've often said that when it comes to men, I don't have a type. I've known that I've always liked pretty boys but other than that, I couldn't see a clear chronology. I've liked dark haired men, blonde men, redheads, gay, straight. Asides from the prettiness, I couldn't see a pattern. Today, I figured it out. I DO like handsome men, but what I'm really attracted to is the brooding enigma. All of the men I've really had a thing for, sometimes bordering on obsession, is that they have this dark, haunting, hidden depth- something I could see and identify with and then spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out. It breaks down like this- Phantom or Raoul? because really that's what catagories there really seem to be. The dark, dramatic haunted soul or the shiny hero .

I keep vascilating. It's almost a bad thing when you have limitless possibilties because then it makes it so hard to choose. I keep going back and forth between moving out into an apartment or staying at home, saving and buying a house in three years. I've decided I'm going back to school next fall to get my master's in El. Ed. and that's decided but it throws so much else into question. If I move out this summer, then I have to keep working full time as well as going to school full time. Or, I could go to school full time and go part time at work, if only to keep my sanity and my grades, but that also means that I can't afford to move out. Some people have asked, "Well, why don't you want to go to school part time?" to which I respond that I want to get my teaching certification by the time I'm 30. And right now, I'm leaning towards buying a house when I'm 30, too. A house, so much responsibility and yet, I have this picture in my head, so clear. That's probably not a good thing. It usually isn't for me. And so I will vascilate on. Eventually, I'll come to some sort of decision.

I had a dream last night about someone that I haven't seen in ages. Dreams like these, the ones where you're re-united with someone that you have unfinished business with, always stick with me for days. I just can't shake the feeling like something is just out of reach. Last night, I dreamed of Michael. I have had a crush on Michael since I was 12. We were in seventh grade and he sat next to me in science class. Our brothers were friends. And he had been my tormentor all through elementary school. Anyway, we sort of flirted around each other all through high school. He changed schools, came back, and we continued to flirt around each other. And, whenever it seemed like we would actually get together, some other stupid boy stepped in and ruined it. I was ending one disasterous relationship, and hoping to start one with him when the idiot with whom it was ending not so subtly warned him off, which I never could understand. Jason didn't want me but he couldn't stand the idea of me being with someone else! Does that make sense to anyone? That was stupid boy number one. Stupid boy number two isn't actually stupid. We were just really drunk and I quickly put a halt, explaining that I really liked Michael and that I always like Michael. Unfortunately, word got back to Michael, just not what I wanted him to hear and I haven't seen him since. I did run into his father one day, at my job. And now this dream. I put a lot of store in dreams. I just wish I knew what to do with it. Do I try to find him, see him, talk to him? I'll have to stew over this for a little while.

What the hell is is about Christmas that completely brings out the schlock!? I am desperately trying to figure this out. I think I'm the only person I know who hates the damn "Christmas Shoes" Song! It truly brings up the bile in me. Could it get more, I don't know, gimicky? Its got the guy who oversings, the sappy lyrics, the children's choir singing the sappy lyrics. It's possible worse than "Dear Mr. Jesus", which used to be charming, when I was 12.

Oy Vey! And what is with all of the "pop" stars who sing Christmas songs and then, well ruin them. It's enough to want to make me stick with the classics, you know, Bing, Ella, Frank, Dean. Only 21 more days of having to put up with all!

You'd never guess from this post that I actually adore Christmas! It is my favourite time of year.

Sorry I've been so remiss in my postings. I didn't have anything to say, though!

There must be something in the air lately. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the weather- the gloom in the air- but I have been a total flakey airhead, and frankly, it's totally unlike me! I just can't seem to get out of this weird, light-headed fog. It's making me feel very, very blonde!

Everyone have a nice Thanksgiving!