I had a dream last night that actually woke me up out of sound sleep at 4:30 in the morning, two full hours before I had to get up for work. This dream upset me so much, that I couldn't get it out of my head, making it practically impossible for me to fall back to sleep until my alarm went off at 6:30. (woo hoo.) This dream was about the Boy. Dreams about the boy have a tendency to upset me, so it's a good thing that I only have them about once a year. This morning's dream was as all dreams are, surreal and yet real. I was at the McKinley Mall of all places, and for those of you that know that mall, there is a dry cleaners across from Walden's Book Sellers, but in my dream the dry cleaners was also like a Vegas Wedding Chapel, where you can get married very quickly at any time of day. Well, in this dream, I saw the Boy's mother, his sister and his niece and his sister was getting married in this Wedding Chapel. I talked to them briefly and then went outside. He came after me. I didn't even know he was there. And when I saw him, my eyes immediately focused on his left hand. He was wearing a ring and had gotten married. I was devastated, asking him, "You're married?". I burst into tears and hit him. I was hurt and my first reaction was to strike out. He asked me why and did that and I was walking, kind of in a circle, shaking my head, my heart breaking, and I said, "It's too late! Everyone was telling me to tell you and I never did and now it's too late! I love you! I've been in love with you for years and I never told you." Softly, he replied, "I knew". And then, he kissed me. And it seemed so real. After, I looked at him and asked, "Now, where does that leave us." "I'm still married." "Why? Why her?" "She was there on a suicide watch. I seemed like the right thing to do." My head began to spin, knowing that the marriage wouldn't work, but I couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have kids by the time it failed. I walked away, feeling utterly destroyed. I wound up, at night in AC Moore (of all places!) and bought a bridal magazine of all things! Then, I woke up, upset (but not crying, unlike the last dream with the boy!) and fitfully trying to go back to sleep.

You know what, I can't believe that it is two thousand and frigging five and there are still people who debate whether evolution is a fact or a merely a theory. The evidence seems pretty damn conclusive that evolution happened, happens, and will continue to happen until we blow the planet to kingdom or the sun explodes! And even then, evolution will be happening someplace else in the universe, I'm sure. I'm a Christian. I most definitely believe in God. I go to church almost every Sunday. I also believe in evolution. Why the hell can't Christian fundamentalists get it through their thick frigging skulls that the Bible is a collection of stories to live our lives by and not, how shall I put this tactfully, FACT! For God's sake! There are people that actually still believe in the Usher Chronology! That's just crazy! And the worst part is, is that these people, uneducated elite, seem to be spreading! Just look at the damn last election! Proof positive that Christian Fundamentalists are sending us all to hell in a fire and brimstone handbasket!

I really must stop being away from the strip for so very long. It is not intentional, I assure you, just a lack of anything interesting or new and to rehash would bore myself, much less all of you. But I have missed this, just spewing thoughts into the cosmos, perhaps inspiring, perhaps amuzing, perhaps just being a mere trifle to while away some boredom. And that is what I am doing today. Today is interminable! I work for HSBC and we are the only bloody bank in the Buffalo area that is actually open on a federal holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. And the real kicker is, that we're working on Next Day's Business, in other words, Tuesday's business, so there is no point to our actually being open and our being here. It's madness, MADNESS I tell you! Hopefully they'll get so much flack about our being open that they will be forced to close next year. I doubt that highly though. That's really all for now. Perhaps something, ANYTHING noteworthy will happen and then you all will be the first to now.

ciao!

Well, it's been forever and day since my last post, and somehow it seems apropos that this current one comes on the last day of the old year.

Why is it that the crossing over of a new year is such a thing for us, as a culture? I mean, really, all it is is a new day. Shouldn't we take each day as a celebration, as the purpose of something new and grand, each hour, each minute? We have the power to change our lives in a heartbeat, so why do we wait until a man-made ideal hits? I'm guilty of it, I admit it. I hope that 2005 is a better year than 2004, but when was the last time that anyone actually had a truly great or memorable year where everything went his/her way? In 2004, in January was the shuttle disaster, which I had all but forgotten about, and that is tragic in it's own way. At the end of January, my great aunt died. Three weeks later, in February, another great aunt, (from the same side and section of the family as the first great aunt) died, and my grandmother. In March, I turned 26. Definitely not a tragedy, unlike 25, which was very difficult. And then the rest of the year actually went fairly well, asides from a horrendous presidential election and that continuation of that wretched, wretched war.

It has been an up and down year for most persons of my acquaintance.

My current connundrum is a long-running connundrum and the only reason that it is current is because he is here, physically in town and being extremely vexing, which I'm not even sure that he knows that he is being extremely vexing. Why do I waste my time? I don't even know anymore. Stupid emotions! Stupid boy! Stupid love! It's so damnedably inconvenient!

Party On!

I've often said that when it comes to men, I don't have a type. I've known that I've always liked pretty boys but other than that, I couldn't see a clear chronology. I've liked dark haired men, blonde men, redheads, gay, straight. Asides from the prettiness, I couldn't see a pattern. Today, I figured it out. I DO like handsome men, but what I'm really attracted to is the brooding enigma. All of the men I've really had a thing for, sometimes bordering on obsession, is that they have this dark, haunting, hidden depth- something I could see and identify with and then spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out. It breaks down like this- Phantom or Raoul? because really that's what catagories there really seem to be. The dark, dramatic haunted soul or the shiny hero .