I am such a poor judge of character and behavior.
What goes for some always = trouble for me.
Mother always said you can't do what everyone else does.
Now I realize; but do I?
sucks. sucks. sucks.
now I hate me for it.
sucks. sucks. sucks.

perhaps this was all harder than I anticipated. granted I didn't anticipate any hardship since I was overcome with excitement in the beginning. guess that has fizzled. life is hard. I was always taught to fight back harder. being a sissy who overeats seems much easier : )

I don't deal well with poor decisions.

what do I say?
so much swirling around.
nonsense mostly.
but recurring nonsense.
when does it go away?
what do I have to change?
i hate traitors/backstabbers/assholes!
but then again I put myself right in their path.
i suppose it's almost like standing on the train
tracks waiting for the #2 express (Bronx to Brooklyn)
to run me down.
why this behavior is permitted I have not figured out.
sure, some people don't feel complete with out daily
subjection to humiliation and anything that onsets overall
discouragement. but I don't think I do that.
perhaps I am guilty of it from time to time, but not daily;
or am I simply in denial?
that is definitely an ongoing fear; to live life in denial of things
that are right in front of you and that are ever so clear...
i think people are nice even when they aren't even close to it.
i think there is good in everyone. but what i keep learning the hard
way is that it isn't for me to find the goodness in others.
the hard way = me constantly getting hurt and then being mad
at everyone else (although,a good part of the time this anger which is directed
at the other party(s) is oftentimes highly warranted)
I am tired of putting myself @ risk for the sake of some twisted form of happiness.
true friends are just that: TRUE FRIENDS!!! through good, bad & ugly.
gosh, do I miss my true friends.
I miss meeting people who are truly sincere and recognize your sencerity in turn.
Fake SHit is for punks!!!

[size=xl]Happy Birthday
Sarah!!![/size]
Get Crunk wit it!

Birthday Girls!!! (e:Lilho) (e:Southernyankee) (e:Tina)[bgcolor]#000000[/bgcolor]

Thank you for the lovely Birthday Wishes and Salutations!!!
It made my day! My co workers & friends here were more than gratious as well - 2 Cakes, Candied Apples & Cookies! Not to mention the Champagne, Caviar, & Bottles of Wine~ Yummy!!!

Thanks Again (e:Elmwoodstrip) !

Hope Y'all gets yer boogie on @ (e:Lilho) & (e:Tina)'s Smashing Birthday Party this weekend!!!


Much Love Y'all, Much Love!![bgcolor]#ff8906[/bgcolor]

So today is my birthday. It's slightly weird not being around family and old friends like always to whoop it up! Yet I have lots of nice new people ; ) around now.
No plans for today necessarily. I made plans for every day before and after today, just not on this particular day. It will make it an introspective day for me I suppose.
How that differs from most other days, I am not certain;

I miss my mom. She always made birthdays special. Yet again, I am learning to embrace the new of life and just hold dear the memories of yesterday. <insert tear here>
Nothing replaces a birthday hug from Mom.

So I will go on to celebrate my life, my accomplishments, my failures and lessons learned & be greatful for the precious moments and the wonderful people that are a part of it.

Cheers~

ps
Happiest Birthday Day to Miss Tina!!! Thanks Paul & Sarah for the Birthday wish!!!
XOXO,

Southernyankee