I would have never gotten my degree at UB if it wasn't for Canisius prodding me on and now I owe an additional trillion dollars. It's not that I would not have pursued a higher degreee but I definately would have applied at other schools - that probably would have advanced me further. My previous academic record probably could have even gotten me a scholarship but I stuck it around and worked so hard at that job. What a waste of time and money my life has become.

Even Tony Blair looks confused about it.

It is nice to have parents that care. I am going to add this message so that I can always remember even if I don't live in Buffalo.

::DOWNLOAD SOUND::

The internet pretty much runs most everything in my life but it is expensive and with my $500/month student loans and $300/month rent, credit card bills, and health costs, with no real insurance for the 7th year in a row - I definately need to consider my options. Especially, considering I don't really trust in anything now and tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I have really had to completely re-evaluate my life and what I have been doing for the last four years.

Internet Costs
Server for elmwoodstrip.com - $39.95 per month
Server for paulvisco.org - $7.95 per month
Server for Alamedlink.com - $9.95 per month
Wireless Internet(sidekick) - $29.95 per month
Broadband Internet at Home - $59.95 per month
Total Internet Costs - $147.75 per month

I suppose I could just halt all of my experimental projects like the google maps based history engine, the GPS tracker, the grading system (80% done) and get a regular job at bank again like when I was 18. The grading system can definately go. I am thinking at this point I would rather work in some meaningless cubicle than invest my heart and soul in anything job related ever again. At least that way I could just do my job and hate it, then come home and do the work I care about.

I really have no idea how I am going to pull off everything. I guess is really the point where my parents idea of, saving money would have came in handy. That was really hard to do making $16,000/year for the last 4 years while paying for grad school. Why did I ever believe in that place. There were like 3 years when my job was going to go full-time and never did.

Maybe it's time for a whole new everything. I could just forget about the fact that I am highly trained in really useful stuff and become a dishwasher. I could at least write a book about it.

Sitting outside freezing and locked out, the cell phone died, a cat came, I only ate icecream, and then all of a sudden at 1:15am a taxi arrives, care of Jesse. It was to take me to North campus. Unfortunately, this cost me about $23 which is more money than I care to spend with my not so secure future. At 4am his girlfriend gave me a ride home.

I've decided that today has to in fact be a better day. Or at least a day where I put very little effort into anything. I have a bunch of 3D models to complete for a Virtual Reality piece and nothing could make me more unmotivated than yesterday.

I broke a mirror last night. Honestly, in the shower. I then had nightmares all night followed by losing my job.

So after hearing about the job I kind of wanted to hang out with someone. (E:terry) is at work, (e:matthew) at work, cassie no response, lisa in CA, (e:mike) at work and I have no car and $100,000 in student loans.

Anyways, so jesse sends his girlfriend to get me but she instead brings me ice-cream which is great but it turns out I'm locked out of the hose and its freezing. One more hour to go. Terry gets out of work at the galleria at 1:30am. It is so dark outside, it like camping.

Do I really have to wait through seven more years of this? I hope not.