today i went to look at a room near ub, which would be very inexpensive. the lady was nice enough, but i know she wouldn't be able to handle living with me. i always seem to push people out of their comfort zones, even if it's just with my energy. i know i will find a better place to live. thank you, universe!

on the way home, i walked in to the wind for 15 minutes and then waited for the kenmore bus for another 30 minutes. it was super cold. i was waiting behind a building where i could see if the bus was coming from a ways away. when it finally came, the bus driver was driving really fast and even though i was furiously waving AND i had an orange shirt covering my head, he didn't see me until the last minute. i ended up feeling pretty negative about the nfta. that was really not cool, especially because the kenmore bus only runs once per hour. i ended up taking the subway and then the delavan bus instead.

i had scored a vacuum cleaner, too, walking all that way with it and stashing it outside mcdonalds so i could go grocery shopping at tops. i had been thinking how much i needed a vacuum, and i thought it wonderful that the universe provided one for my use.

but i am thankful that i choose not to walk over to the subway with it. that was the most intense wind and cold i have felt for years and it was difficult walking there.

now it has calmed down a lot and the sun is out. this feels much better.

oh goodness.

my roommates decided to get trashed last night. weird. i'm not used to being around sloppy drunk people anymore, so i sought out quiet most of the time and joined in the party only sometimes.

i had been expecting to go to the himalayan institute for their holiday party, which included meditation, music, and wrapping gifts for kids with aids. i've never been invited to a meditation party before, and i was looking forward to finding the community there and relaxing. but instead i ended up getting cramps, so i stayed home. it's pretty strange how things turn out sometimes.

so i'm living in a one bedroom apartment with three other people (one if them is a newborn, so she doesn't really count). last night my roommate's sister sabrina was over too. sabrina used to work as a dancer and was being overly sexual with my roommate phil, who was pretty uncomfortable about it. (sabrina did write him a note appologizing this morning.)

i always happened to be out of the room whenever any of the drama took place, which was fine with me. somehow, i manged to turn my sexual energy off about six months ago and it's pretty liberating. it's really easy to get distracted with sexual thoughts and that really hasn't been where i am at all.

despite all the beer lat night and hung over peole today, it was mostly all good fun. and even though our place is a bit crowded at times, i really like living with people.

i love how each snowflake glistens in the light.

so peaceful.

this is what winter is about.

peace.

today i got to hang out with hannah michele, who has officially been here on earth for 16 days. she weighs just 6 pounds and she's so tiny, a little-itty-bitty human.

this evening, for the first time ever, she lifted her head up and held it there for quite a while. she was lying on my belly at the time, and we were in a darkish room together. when she learned that she could lift her head, she practiced again and again. you could tell she was working hard because she had found new strength and she was ready to develop it. she ended up doing it a number of times and i could see her advancing and getting stronger.

blessings!

this was such a special moment to share with my new neice. it was the first time she'd been awake and alert for so long, other than at a time when she was eating.

it is so amazing to see her learn so much. and to learn so much with her.

babies are glorious miracles. thank you, lord.

i had my interview at ub today. even though i am not used to doing this formal type of thing, it went wonderfully.

there were three people there interviewing me, which could be a little daunting, but i was pretty relaxed, especially after answering the first question "why do you want to be a nurse?", i saw that "stern lady" rated my answer 4-5, on a scale of zero to five (five being best). yes, it was weird that she wrote that down right in front of me. i didn't look at her sheet any more because if the numbers went down, it would have been a little stressful.

but i found that i had really good answers for those tougher questions, like "why should we pick you as a candidate for this program?" i said that i have had many different experiences and have lived outside of my comfort zone for extended periods of time, which would enable me to deal with anything that comes my way..., etc, and then i added, "and i'm a really caring person" with a big smile. it was cool to see that when i talked a bit of my experiences, my essay had made an impact on at least one of the interviewers, she obviously had remembered reading about the things i mentioned.

oh, the toughie was, "how is being in this intensive type of program going to change your lifestyle?" gulp. i flat out said that it would change everything about it. i am used to going wherever i want to go and doing whatever type of peace-keeping work i find, and this would severly change everything. but i was honsest, although i had chosen different words from these, and i think they appreciated that.

when i was leaving, i heard "grandmotherly type" exclaim something to the effect of "wow." that felt really good.

one silly (i guess) thing that i did was that i asked them, "why should i choose UB?" they all kind of chucked, so i came up with a quick follow-up: "tell me about the best things in your program" or something to that effect. i gave myself a pat on the back for a quick response to a slightly awkward moment.

i was pleased that i was able to be open with the interviewers and not intimidated by them at all.