(An unintentional present for Jenks's birthday)
A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.
The doctor looks at it and says, "I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?" The man says no.
The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, "Nothing." The doctor is really puzzled now and says, "You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?"
The man replies, "Honestly, doc I, don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos."
Mrmike's Journal
My Podcast Link
05/04/2006 08:15 #29502
Stumped Doctor Humor05/03/2006 20:27 #29501
What we can do about gas prices besides something jailable (credit to Bull on the Edge - He sent this to me, it's an interesting take)
A man eats two eggs each morning for breakfast. When he goes to the grocery store he pays .60 cents a dozen. Since a dozen eggs won't last a week he normally buys two dozens at a time.
One day while buying eggs he notices that the price has risen to 72 cents. The next time he buys groceries, eggs are 76 cents a dozen. When asked to explain the price of eggs the store owner says, "the price has gone up and I have to raise my price accordingly".
This store buys 100 dozen eggs a day. I checked around for a better price and all the distributors have raised their prices. The distributors have begun to buy from the huge egg farms. The small egg farms have been driven out of business.
The huge egg farms sells 100,000 dozen eggs a day to distributors With no competition, they can set the price as they see fit. The distributors then have to raise their prices to the grocery stores. And on and on and on. As the man kept buying eggs the price kept going up. He saw the big egg trucks delivering 100 dozen eggs each day. Nothing changed there.
He checked out the huge egg farms and found they were selling 100,000 dozen eggs to the distributors daily. Nothing had changed but the price of eggs.
Then week before Thanksgiving the price of eggs shot up to $1.00 a dozen. Again he asked the grocery owner why and was told, "cakes and baking for the holiday". The huge egg farmers know there will be a lot of baking going on and more eggs will be used. Hence, the price of eggs goes up. Expect the same thing at Christmas and other times
when family cooking, baking, etc.happen.
This pattern continues until the price of eggs is 2.00 a dozen The man says,"there must be something we can do about the price of eggs".
He starts talking to all the people in his town and they decide to stop buying eggs. This didn't work because everyone needed eggs. Finally, the man suggested only buying what you need.
He ate 2 eggs a day. On the way home from work he would stop at the grocery and buy two eggs. Everyone in town started buying 2 or 3 eggs a day.
The grocery store owner began complaining that he had too many eggs in his cooler. He told the distributor that he didn't need any eggs. Maybe wouldn't need any all week.
The distributor had eggs piling up at his warehouse. He told the huge egg farms that he didn't have any room for eggs would not need any for at least two weeks.
At the egg farm, the chickens just kept on laying eggs.
To relieve the pressure, the huge egg farm told the distributor that they could buy the eggs at a lower price. The distributor said, " I don't have the room for the %$&^*&% eggs even if they were free".
The distributor told the grocery store owner that he would lower the price of the eggs if the store would start buying again. The grocery store owner said, "I don't have room for more eggs. The customers are only buy 2 or 3 eggs at a time".
"Now if you were to drop the price of eggs back down to the original price, the customers would start buying by the dozen again".
The distributors sent that proposal to the huge egg farmers. They liked the price they were getting for their eggs but, them chickens just kept on laying.
Finally, the egg farmers lowered the price of their eggs. But only a few cents.
The customers still bought 2 or 3 eggs at a time. They said, "when the price of eggs gets down to where it was before, we will start buying by the dozen."
Slowly the price of eggs started dropping. The distributors had to slash their prices to make room for the eggs coming from the egg farmers. The egg farmers cut their prices because the distributors wouldn't buy at a higher price than they were selling eggs for.
Anyway, they had full warehouses and wouldn't need eggs for quite a while.
And them chickens kept on laying.
Eventually, the egg farmers cut their prices because they were throwing away eggs they couldn't sell. The distributors started buying again because the eggs were priced to where the stores could afford to sell them at the lower price.
And the customers starting buying by the dozen again.
Now, transpose this analogy to the gasoline industry.
What if everyone only bought $10.00 worth of gas each time they pulled to the pump. The dealers tanks would stay semi full all the time. The dealers wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the huge tank farms. The tank farms wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the refining plants. And the refining plants wouldn't have room for the oil being off loaded from the huge tankers coming from the Middle East.
Just $10.00 each time you buy gas. Don't fill it up. You may have to stop for gas twice a week but, the price should come down
Think about it.
As an added note...When I buy $10.00 worth of gas,that leaves my tank a little under half full. The way prices are jumping around, you can buy gas for $2.65 a gallon and then the next morning it can be $2.15. If you have your tank full of $2.65 gas you don't have room for the $2.15 gas. You might not understand the economics of only buying two eggs at a time but, you can't buy cheaper gas if your tank is full of the high priced stuff.
Also, don't buy anything else at the gas station, don't give them any more of your hard earned money than what you spend on gas, until the prices come down..
A man eats two eggs each morning for breakfast. When he goes to the grocery store he pays .60 cents a dozen. Since a dozen eggs won't last a week he normally buys two dozens at a time.
One day while buying eggs he notices that the price has risen to 72 cents. The next time he buys groceries, eggs are 76 cents a dozen. When asked to explain the price of eggs the store owner says, "the price has gone up and I have to raise my price accordingly".
This store buys 100 dozen eggs a day. I checked around for a better price and all the distributors have raised their prices. The distributors have begun to buy from the huge egg farms. The small egg farms have been driven out of business.
The huge egg farms sells 100,000 dozen eggs a day to distributors With no competition, they can set the price as they see fit. The distributors then have to raise their prices to the grocery stores. And on and on and on. As the man kept buying eggs the price kept going up. He saw the big egg trucks delivering 100 dozen eggs each day. Nothing changed there.
He checked out the huge egg farms and found they were selling 100,000 dozen eggs to the distributors daily. Nothing had changed but the price of eggs.
Then week before Thanksgiving the price of eggs shot up to $1.00 a dozen. Again he asked the grocery owner why and was told, "cakes and baking for the holiday". The huge egg farmers know there will be a lot of baking going on and more eggs will be used. Hence, the price of eggs goes up. Expect the same thing at Christmas and other times
when family cooking, baking, etc.happen.
This pattern continues until the price of eggs is 2.00 a dozen The man says,"there must be something we can do about the price of eggs".
He starts talking to all the people in his town and they decide to stop buying eggs. This didn't work because everyone needed eggs. Finally, the man suggested only buying what you need.
He ate 2 eggs a day. On the way home from work he would stop at the grocery and buy two eggs. Everyone in town started buying 2 or 3 eggs a day.
The grocery store owner began complaining that he had too many eggs in his cooler. He told the distributor that he didn't need any eggs. Maybe wouldn't need any all week.
The distributor had eggs piling up at his warehouse. He told the huge egg farms that he didn't have any room for eggs would not need any for at least two weeks.
At the egg farm, the chickens just kept on laying eggs.
To relieve the pressure, the huge egg farm told the distributor that they could buy the eggs at a lower price. The distributor said, " I don't have the room for the %$&^*&% eggs even if they were free".
The distributor told the grocery store owner that he would lower the price of the eggs if the store would start buying again. The grocery store owner said, "I don't have room for more eggs. The customers are only buy 2 or 3 eggs at a time".
"Now if you were to drop the price of eggs back down to the original price, the customers would start buying by the dozen again".
The distributors sent that proposal to the huge egg farmers. They liked the price they were getting for their eggs but, them chickens just kept on laying.
Finally, the egg farmers lowered the price of their eggs. But only a few cents.
The customers still bought 2 or 3 eggs at a time. They said, "when the price of eggs gets down to where it was before, we will start buying by the dozen."
Slowly the price of eggs started dropping. The distributors had to slash their prices to make room for the eggs coming from the egg farmers. The egg farmers cut their prices because the distributors wouldn't buy at a higher price than they were selling eggs for.
Anyway, they had full warehouses and wouldn't need eggs for quite a while.
And them chickens kept on laying.
Eventually, the egg farmers cut their prices because they were throwing away eggs they couldn't sell. The distributors started buying again because the eggs were priced to where the stores could afford to sell them at the lower price.
And the customers starting buying by the dozen again.
Now, transpose this analogy to the gasoline industry.
What if everyone only bought $10.00 worth of gas each time they pulled to the pump. The dealers tanks would stay semi full all the time. The dealers wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the huge tank farms. The tank farms wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the refining plants. And the refining plants wouldn't have room for the oil being off loaded from the huge tankers coming from the Middle East.
Just $10.00 each time you buy gas. Don't fill it up. You may have to stop for gas twice a week but, the price should come down
Think about it.
As an added note...When I buy $10.00 worth of gas,that leaves my tank a little under half full. The way prices are jumping around, you can buy gas for $2.65 a gallon and then the next morning it can be $2.15. If you have your tank full of $2.65 gas you don't have room for the $2.15 gas. You might not understand the economics of only buying two eggs at a time but, you can't buy cheaper gas if your tank is full of the high priced stuff.
Also, don't buy anything else at the gas station, don't give them any more of your hard earned money than what you spend on gas, until the prices come down..
enknot - 05/05/06 10:09
yeah...oil dosen't go bad they can sit on those barrles until kindom comes. Whats really going to happen is when the gas price hit's 5 bucks a gallon they'll release a new kind of car that can fill up on 4 gallons and go the same distance [ie. elecetric cars or cars with that clean fuel what ever it's called], then they'll charge us more for those... buy a bike. There are only up sides to it, cheap, easy exorsize, and the ladies can't resist a guy whith a huge hard thing between their legs that they can ride till they get tired...
ok that was kinda dirty.
yeah...oil dosen't go bad they can sit on those barrles until kindom comes. Whats really going to happen is when the gas price hit's 5 bucks a gallon they'll release a new kind of car that can fill up on 4 gallons and go the same distance [ie. elecetric cars or cars with that clean fuel what ever it's called], then they'll charge us more for those... buy a bike. There are only up sides to it, cheap, easy exorsize, and the ladies can't resist a guy whith a huge hard thing between their legs that they can ride till they get tired...
ok that was kinda dirty.
ajay - 05/04/06 09:53
Actually, the analogy does hold a little.
Petroleum can't be stored. The refineries have to operate continuously, and can't be started/stopped at whim.
Actually, the analogy does hold a little.
Petroleum can't be stored. The refineries have to operate continuously, and can't be started/stopped at whim.
sbrugger - 05/04/06 09:01
Zobar made a good point, Ajay made a good point. Where the analogy breaks down for me is that petroleum isn't perishable. And the petro companies control the refineries as well...if gas isn't selling at the pace they want, they cut back refinement and let the crude sit in barrels. In turn..if the companies aren't buying barrels, the OPEC nations are more than happy to stop releasing them to drive up prices.
We also don't live in an "egg-based" economy. The only thing that relies on eggs are the people that eat them and the other food-related industries which use them to manufacture other foods. Oil, on the other hand, fuels EVERYTHING in our economy. Even if each consumer reduced direct consumption of gasoline and other petroleum based fuels, we would still be purchasing things shipped by petroleum fueled vehicles, or things fertilized with petro-heavy fertilizer.
Zobar made a good point, Ajay made a good point. Where the analogy breaks down for me is that petroleum isn't perishable. And the petro companies control the refineries as well...if gas isn't selling at the pace they want, they cut back refinement and let the crude sit in barrels. In turn..if the companies aren't buying barrels, the OPEC nations are more than happy to stop releasing them to drive up prices.
We also don't live in an "egg-based" economy. The only thing that relies on eggs are the people that eat them and the other food-related industries which use them to manufacture other foods. Oil, on the other hand, fuels EVERYTHING in our economy. Even if each consumer reduced direct consumption of gasoline and other petroleum based fuels, we would still be purchasing things shipped by petroleum fueled vehicles, or things fertilized with petro-heavy fertilizer.
mrmike - 05/03/06 21:22
Very true - I was fascinating by the analogy -- Not sure how practical it is.
Very true - I was fascinating by the analogy -- Not sure how practical it is.
zobar - 05/03/06 21:14
Whether you buy 24 eggs every 12 days or 2 eggs every day, you're still buying the same amount of eggs. The store is still moving two eggs every day. If they had enough room for storage when you bought 24 eggs every 12 days, they'll have enough storage for when you're only buying two eggs but coming back every day.
And if you buy half a tank of $2.999 gas expecting to be able to fill up later at $2.949, and you run out when prices are $3.049, well ... you're screwed. [This can go either way, of course - what I'm saying is it's the luck of the draw.]
- Z
Whether you buy 24 eggs every 12 days or 2 eggs every day, you're still buying the same amount of eggs. The store is still moving two eggs every day. If they had enough room for storage when you bought 24 eggs every 12 days, they'll have enough storage for when you're only buying two eggs but coming back every day.
And if you buy half a tank of $2.999 gas expecting to be able to fill up later at $2.949, and you run out when prices are $3.049, well ... you're screwed. [This can go either way, of course - what I'm saying is it's the luck of the draw.]
- Z
04/29/2006 10:19 #29497
A CD bingecan sometimes cure what ails you, at least temporarily. Pay day permitted to indulge in new ones from The Flaming Lips, the Goo Goo Dolls, Neil Young and the folkie album from Springsteen. All are suprisingly worthwhile.
My cd changer is once again a very schizophrenic device, yet happily so. Nothing like some fresh tunes to assist your outlook.
My cd changer is once again a very schizophrenic device, yet happily so. Nothing like some fresh tunes to assist your outlook.
theecarey - 05/01/06 20:30
Right on! Music does a mind/body good. Nothing like a good CD binge-fest :)
Right on! Music does a mind/body good. Nothing like a good CD binge-fest :)
05/03/2006 20:25 #29500
Random Wednesday thoughts while....I launder.
The need for quarters renders a dryer that much less efficient.
I wanted the Sabres to play the Senators so I could get a few more days off from double duty.
I had to sit in on a teleconference call today and the only thing I got out of it was a nice Fat Bob's lunch ( and pulled pork leftovers for dinner yum )
I was the only person to acknowledge that the panel of the teleconference was a collection of blowhards teaching us remedial marketing.
My boss wanted to say that but couldn't
At ethecarey's indirect suggestion, I took a glass of wine out onto my porch last night and stargazed for the duration of my wine glass. Both the westerly sky and the pinot noir were nice toppers to the night. I'm not sleeping real well, but a little star seeking is a nice relaxer. There was a certain tranquility if you could avoid looking east at Timon Towers -- One building I don't need to see shadows on the shades.
Happy Birthday Jenks (in case I can't get to the pc on Friday night)
The need for quarters renders a dryer that much less efficient.
I wanted the Sabres to play the Senators so I could get a few more days off from double duty.
I had to sit in on a teleconference call today and the only thing I got out of it was a nice Fat Bob's lunch ( and pulled pork leftovers for dinner yum )
I was the only person to acknowledge that the panel of the teleconference was a collection of blowhards teaching us remedial marketing.
My boss wanted to say that but couldn't
At ethecarey's indirect suggestion, I took a glass of wine out onto my porch last night and stargazed for the duration of my wine glass. Both the westerly sky and the pinot noir were nice toppers to the night. I'm not sleeping real well, but a little star seeking is a nice relaxer. There was a certain tranquility if you could avoid looking east at Timon Towers -- One building I don't need to see shadows on the shades.
Happy Birthday Jenks (in case I can't get to the pc on Friday night)
jenks - 05/04/06 10:10
thanks :)
thanks :)
05/01/2006 19:56 #29499
Weekend wasn't a total loss.My 8 year old son competed in a very stuffy and packed Tae Kwan Do tourney on Saturday. He took second place in forms. I won't trouble you with the details, but he had to do a routine and it wound up in front of about 200 people. Each contestant is supposed to identifiy themselves, their school and what they are about to perform to a judging panel of 3. To untentionally make matters worse, my x and I were standing right behind the judges. The little man never noticed. He looked the lead judge right in the eye, said his piece and threw down.
I couldn't help but be impressed. He had more focus at 8 than I think I have now. I was able to savor an unexpected ticket to the Goo Goo Dolls show that much more.
In other news, I think I have to add Cobblestone to the list of places drink worthy. I dunno if it was the sunshine, the need to feed my ego a
cold one, but there was something restoritive about having a couple beers after the festivites at the arena.
No shame in getting shot down, I would have hated myself for not trying.
In other news, my boss ( a lovely woman) is having breakfast with her soon to be boss after Adelphia gets peddled at the end of July. I have reason to believe that I might come up in conversation. Apparently they like my ad work.
Here's hoping......
I couldn't help but be impressed. He had more focus at 8 than I think I have now. I was able to savor an unexpected ticket to the Goo Goo Dolls show that much more.
In other news, I think I have to add Cobblestone to the list of places drink worthy. I dunno if it was the sunshine, the need to feed my ego a
cold one, but there was something restoritive about having a couple beers after the festivites at the arena.
No shame in getting shot down, I would have hated myself for not trying.
In other news, my boss ( a lovely woman) is having breakfast with her soon to be boss after Adelphia gets peddled at the end of July. I have reason to believe that I might come up in conversation. Apparently they like my ad work.
Here's hoping......
ladycroft - 05/01/06 21:04
Give your son a proper bowing handshake! I'm a bb in Taekwondo myself. It takes a lot to perform at testings and competitions. Way to go little guy!
Give your son a proper bowing handshake! I'm a bb in Taekwondo myself. It takes a lot to perform at testings and competitions. Way to go little guy!
That was a good un mrmike. Good chuckle.
snort! that was funny.