yeah I had a feelin' that was gonna happen. i just wrote a few lines and published it with the plan to update it. i had this feelin that it wasn't gonna post and it didn't. once again it seems like I'm the last to post for the day. even got paul beat and (e:ladycroft) if your an insomniac where the hell are you???

changed my user sound again for all you music lovers. this time were takin it old school.

as I was saying, i just finished an enormous salad with a piece of mid-rare flank steak. I over dressed the salad but let me tell you that Ken's sesame and ginger lite is the bomb. this was the first time I didn't over cook my meat, usually the foreman wineds up steaming instead of searing and I get a well done piece of meat in about 4 minutes. Not Tonight!!!!

i've been thinking about my trip coming up. its gonna be so much fun but i don't have anyone to enjoy it with. i'll probably call my old friend mary jane up to keep me company while i sit by the pool or beach and read a few books i have picked out. i didn't leave her for health reasons....i just had to say goodbye for work related reasons and she was getting in the way. not to mention the fact that i love her so much: the way she sparkles in the moonlight; the way she smells so intoxicating; her red hairs;the way she tastes; the way she makes me feel and the way i feel so relaxed around her. it just sucks that i have these killer plans set up and its just me. I have the mariott timeshare in orlando right on a 27 hole championship golf course with a hot tub master suite, swim-up bar, 3 restaurants and $200 in gift certificates for massage or disney or universal or the ritz-carlton. Then there's two nights in Ft Lauderdale at a Starwood property right on the fucking beach which is absolutely free. And of coarse can't forget about the car rental which is brand new drop top ford mustang. Phatty, phat, phat, phat.

Its tueday night and I leave early Saturday morning...if anybody wants to go...plenty of room...am i just playin...i don't know. Well anyway I'm excited as hell. I hit more than my goal weight this morning...12 lbs in a little over 6 weeks. I should be able to squeeze out another half pound or so....but whats the difference the second i get down there the old me is comin' back out. actually maybe not the old me but i can tell you when you're alone alcohol does wonders for the confidence.

I just watched that HBO movie Ms. Harris...it was about the Scarboro Diet Murder. Pretty good...I have always loved annette bening. It reminded how shitty people are to one another and how deceptive they can be. All I can say is what goes around comes around. Life ain't fair but thats no reason to be a shitty person. Some days I wake up feelin like I got the shitty end of the stick and I'm a little sad and suicidal but I don't go and take it out on other people. so be good to people damnit and quit being so fuckin stuck up. who do you think you are??? you're just like the rest of us unique/confused/lonely/happy/depressed...no better than the rest. and help one another---don't wait for somebody to ask when you see them struggling. don't forget we're all in this shit together so lets make the best of it. as a matter of fact lets all get naked and f.......

With lots of love, MrDT

i stopped by an old friends house tonight to celebrate his birthday and the fact that he made it through his first block at the culinary institue of america...a school i have considered for many years to go to. it was a decent group of people some elders mixed with people my age. i was talking to a guy that is the executive chef of the wegmans amherst st location. it completely confirmed to me that wegmans only hires mindless individuals that buy onto their corporate culture bullshit. you know the people who plan to work in the same place for the rest of their life boring, comfortable lives. sorry to those of you who work for wegmans but i'll be surprised if you tell me that moving up the corporate ladder has been a short and easy process.

a few people seemed highly intoxicated on a mixture of red wine and whiskey, mainly my buddy and his mother. DT tip #1 never mix the grain and the grape. I was talkin to one of my acquaintances through my buddy about my place and (e:) strip and decided to hop on my buddies computer to check it out. all of a sudden my buddy's mom was buggin about the fact that we were on her computer which she pays for and uses in her basement....I thought she was kidding right off the bat because I have worked on that damn computer with my buddy for many years not to mention all the times that i crashed on his couch witch is adjacent to the computer. then all of a sudden i can hear her buggin out to somebody how disrespectful it was, like i'm not even in the room...

she starts to praise how wonderful her son is an how great he is doing in his program at the institute...he's gonna be one of the best graduates ever....he's gonna have his own cooking show on foodtv someday. then i say hey greg why don't you show us your hat. then all of a sudden this guy snaps at me and states how its disrespectful to wear the hat outside the kitchen. so i ask, why? and his mother chimes in that they are teaching him at the school to be professional and that they wouldn't let me keep the burns or the five a clock shadow. she then begins to state how i would never be accepted into such an important program. (let me tell you i scored in the lower 80 percentile on my gmat. i was accepted to nu, ub, nyu, cornell and university of chicago on that, my undergrad gpa and work experience as a well regarded chef, but chose to stay close to home and take the presidential scholarship from canisius, i don't think the extremely overpriced but well appointed cia would have denied my acceptance that if i took would have led to valedictorian with a solid job in one of the countries finest restaurants). I didn't argue or fight back and went to hang out with my buddy in the other room. While in the other room i could hear drunk ass mom calling me a bastard and asked my buddy what it was about. he told me i should have kept my mouth shut. i could sense the resentment in his tone so i grabbed my shit and left. i guess i totally forgot my Lenten resolution to stop hanging out with people that have tombstones in their eyes.

a little background on this guy....fry cook for life. always my wingman/somewhat of a sidekick. i encouraged him back into the restaurant business. i practically pushed him to aspire to greater things and to check out the cia. i gave him books written by admired food writers, old copies of gourmet and food arts continually, filled his head with info and my knowledge of cooking. and last but not least, on the way home from our trip to nyc to see the restaurant show we stopped for a tour and dinner that i set up and payed for at the cia. he was broke after nyc so i dropped $225 on drinks, dinner and tip($65) for the student waiter. i never got one thank you or i owe you one buddy. a few days after thanksgiving we were hanging out at mother's after my 10 year reunion. i was hammered and some how we started fighting about who would win in iron chef between myself and his culinary education. i was drunk, he insulted my lively hood somewhere in the conversation, so i told him not now nor ever would he ever be a better cook than i was. a little snobbish i know but he called me an asshole-prick and i apologized up and down. what can i say i'm an honest drunk and what you, my dear readers, don't understand is the level i operate on and the level that he aspires to. i'm here and he's down there not because of knowledge but because of a level of creativity, experience, passion and dedication. he's always resented me for this and like i said he stayed a fry cook while i became one of the youngest and talented pro's in the area. don't think because i'm not working now doesn't mean i could'nt get a job in a hot spot anywhere because i'm well versed with the ins 'n' outs that go on everywhere in virtually every restaurant.

moral of the story is when you on top...mother fuckers just want to rip you down. i've worked really hard to get to where i am...full time in restaurant, full time for associates degree and bachelors degree....not to mention the really long shifts and high heat, open to close then back 4 hours later to reopen. i might sound arrogant but the truth is that i'm extremely confident in my ability to knock your socks off through food. and most of the time pretty humble but i hate when somebody knocks 15 years of hard work and dedication to my craft and education. most of the time it rolls off like a freshly waxed car but not tonight. i have an opportunity to take a sabbatical to realign my sights and goals. it won't be to long and this bad ass mother fuckin cook will be tearin' it up again makin' the food ya just can't get enough of in your favorite restaurants.

Now i want you to reach down in the bag and get my wallet out of it. you can take the money out of it and put it in your pocket.... you'll know its mine cause it's the one that says bad motha fucka on it.

Peace out Greg and as always, good luck to you in all endeavors,

With love, Mrdt

This picture is in response to the conversation we had in the chat today. Can anyone spot the man is this picture. Here's a hint it's not the guy holding the camera. (e:jason) this is for you:




I'm not sexist but I thought this was kinda funny.

With humor this time, MrDT

New user sound for your listening pleasure!!!!

Its coming pretty close to my one year anniversary since I started really working out and dedicating myself to becoming physically fit. I envy you skinny people with fast metabolisms. I can't eat or drink anything without seeing the ramifications on the scale. I recently started a mini-weight loss training session before I go to Florida. I'll probably hit ten-eleven pounds by the time I leave next Saturday, which is good but I'm sick of the work it takes. When I wake up in the morning I have to figure out what I have scheduled for the day and how to fit the gym/six meals in between. I have to eat breakfast, make some food for the day cram it into my little lunch box then when its time I usually eat it cold. Usually, on my way to the gym I go through my routine in my head, do I have enough time; will it take to much time; is it a lite day or a heavy day; how do I feel; set progression; rep progression; how can I raise my intensity; mass movements vs definition; what worked last week/didn't work; should I add more weight, sets or reps. Truth be told its more mentally exhausting than physical, some days. Don't get me wrong...it feels so good, especially for a guy dealing with a lot of financial stress. My problems don't seem as difficult and my serotonin levels are higher keeping my general disposition out of the gutter.

But some days I ask myself what the fuck do I do it all for? I guess its because I have always been overweight and really want to be the skinny underwear model guy. Last year I was a skinny guy for about 3 weeks but then I had the great idea to bulk up and after four months I was back to my starting weight (included is about 15#'s of new muscle). Alot of it can be blamed on the fact that I'm not working as much and its winter so I'm relatively inactive (skiing is way to expensive). I guess we all have parts of us that we would rather do without but sometimes I hit this threshold and want to throw it all away and let myself go over a burger, fries and milkshake which I occasionally indulged in.

I'm pretty sure the beautiful people have it easier. The ones who can just go to the gym a few days a week and can eat whatever they want. Not only do they add muscle but they never put on a pound. And here I am working my ass off to see some good muscle separation between my shoulders, chest and upper arms. How long does it take....I know a very long time. It really is a slow process especially for guys like me because you can't build muscle when your cutting and actually you lose muscle and when I can't keep the fat off when trying to bulk up. I guess I'm mad at myself for over bulking this winter cause I didn't really know what I was doing. I do now though but 30#s later its too late, time to diet again. Maybe this summer I won't try to cut up and I'll just keep on building then next year I'll have all that mass under a layer of fat and I'll be a good candidate to win the Body for Life and the Men's Health competition. I just don't know right now. Sometimes I beat up on myself mentally because it's taking so long to hit my goals. If nobody wants to work out with me I'll have to get a trainer. Right now I'm feeling the gym burnout so it will be a nice change of pace. Got to keep movin..got to do more...got to be more.

I am breathing in some serious paint fumes and my house is completely trashed. I guess my brothers moving back in here. His shit is absolutely fucking everywhere. Tonight when I wake up because I have to take a leak I'm sure to break a fuckin toe on the stuff he has cluttered through the hall. Yeah I can't wait. I'm gonna miss having the whole house to myself. Crankin' the music all hours, living by myself in a clean, serene and peaceful environment. Now I have two people to clean up after. He doesn't even have his essentials here but I'm cleaning up dishes, popcorn everywhere, diet pepsi cans, junk, junk mail. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!! I can see it now doing his dishes while I'm rushing to get food for the day ready, picking up towels, throwing out his junk mail cluttering the kitchen table. He's got some kind of hearing problem and can talk really loud which usually wakes me up from a sound slumber. Its like National Lampoons Vacation, I'm Clark and he's cousin Eddy..."Merry Christmas, shitter's full." "Honey have you checked our shitters lately." Dont get me wrong I love him more than any body in the world but sometimes he's a little ignorant of other people and I hate using that word. Reminds me of when MJ was on South Park.

My Hooverphonic cd just went back to one so that means I have been typing too long...Sorry to be so negative but I had to get it out. I hate negativity, unfortunately it brews in me like coffee at Starbucks. Most of the time I have a pretty sunny disposition but right now I'm feelin' the shitty cards I got dealt.

I love you all, MrDT

The night I laid my eyes on you
I felt everything around me move
Got nervous when you looked my way
But you knew all the words to say

And your love slowly moved right in
All this time, oh my love, where you been

Mi amore
Don't you know
My love I want you so
Sugar
You make my soul complete
Rapture tastes so sweet

I'm mesmerised in every way
You keep me in a state of daze
Your kisses make my skin feel weak
Always melting in your heat

Then I sore like a bird in the wind
Oh I glide like I'm flying through heaven

-Lio, "Rapture"

I'm trying to get these fuckin arm bands off and both have my arm hair sandwich in between. Thank God for sharp sissors.

What a night, I haven't danced like that in atleast two years. Kristen if you could only see me now; remember when you turned me on to this music like ten years ago. I miss watching you dance and have for many, many years. Remember when you would throw a pill in my mouth and I wouldn't even ask what it was. WHether it was a party or your apartment we would tear it up. Just catch the groove and completely get inside the song. It was like being so fucked up and totally becoming the song, letting everthing go while our minds/bodies/spirits/emotions became for a brief moment one. The music just comes over the top of you and your gone, that is the best rush I have ever had.

Or how about when we would skip school and bug out on some mushrooms. Oh well, you gave it up years ago anyway. I finally stopped doing extacy and the rest of it. Some people think I gave it all up for Jesus, like some AL Green shit but really it was because I was tired of being a fuck-up. All the fucking money I spent to get high and look at where I am. It feels so much better to lift weights everyday and not have that paranoia of mood swings, although it would be nice to puff every once and a while but I can't take the chance with all the hair tests these days. I beat a wiz quiz but can I beat a hair test---why take the chance. Once I graduate I got to start making some serious dollars.

They played Lio's - Rapture and Delerium's - Silence with Sarah Mclachlan right as everybody was about to leave (good thing I had the keys). This was the first time I had ever heard these songs on the dance floor. Anybody see what happened to (e:jenks), I think see ditched us and I didn't even get the chance to exchange any words. You missed out on some good times, or did you? Oh well, maybe next time, I'm kind of a quiet guy anyway. (e:ladycroft) what is with you and that camera. It was a great idea to go to that bar...I needed that...brought me back to the days of glowsticks and 28" bell bottom pants(Jenco's) on Thursdays they would have straight night for all the raver punks. AT some points it kind of felt like I was tripping again...my eyes kept on going back and forth and would roll back into me head. I'd do it again anytime...you have my number!

I'm pumpin some Armin van Buuren---Transparence is the album. Pretty good but its nothing like the bass I just felt. I don't know why I like this shit so much but it is incredibly soulful not like a lot of the music I listen to today. A good techno album will take you through a journey with ups, downs, climaxes and resolutions. Much like a good book. Maybe thats why. I appreciate all good music. I've listened to jazz, oldies, classic, disco, 80's (whatever that was), 90's alternative, rap, hip-hop, metal and love it all. Not sure of some of things that people have been trying to turn me onto these days but I'm always open for suggestions.

Oh shit I forgot I have to pick up food for class tomorrow. Well its really late. Thank you for having me, its been fun.

Once again, with love, MrDT