Once in awhile I get forwarded e-mails that I actually think are funny, and this is one of them. Enjoy.
"If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions...
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
>>A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
>>A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
>>A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
>>A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
>>A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
>>A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
>>A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
>>A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
>>A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>>A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
>>A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
>>A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
>>A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
>>A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
>>A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
>>A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
>>A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh"
Mk's Journal
My Podcast Link
08/05/2006 10:37 #29299
Funniness07/24/2006 14:06 #29298
sex of the oral styleThank you all for your comments but I'm actually still more interested in the whole condoms during oral sex issue. Anyone, anyone?
07/23/2006 22:08 #29297
Oral SexCategory: sex
So a friend of mine recently had an STD test, and was questioned about the use of condoms. The nurse asked if he used condoms every time he had sex, and he said "yes." And then she asked if that included oral sex, and he said no, so she said "well, that means no then."
I'm putting it out there to see how many people actually use a condom for oral sex. I'd like to hear your thoughts, opinions, etc. I personally have never heard of anyone using one for oral sex. I can only imagine it would not be any fun for either party involved.
On the same topic, does anyone consider oral sex "sex"? Are you no longer a virgin if you've partaken in the act of oral sex?
Deep issues to ponder...
I'm putting it out there to see how many people actually use a condom for oral sex. I'd like to hear your thoughts, opinions, etc. I personally have never heard of anyone using one for oral sex. I can only imagine it would not be any fun for either party involved.
On the same topic, does anyone consider oral sex "sex"? Are you no longer a virgin if you've partaken in the act of oral sex?
Deep issues to ponder...
ajay - 07/24/06 21:44
Oral sex is not sex... unless, of course, you are a Democrat president; in which case, it is worse the incestuous necrophilia!!!!111!!one!!
Oral sex is not sex... unless, of course, you are a Democrat president; in which case, it is worse the incestuous necrophilia!!!!111!!one!!
metalpeter - 07/24/06 20:22
Sex is short of Sexual intercourse so because of that a Blow Job isn't sex. That is also why it is called oral sex, it has to have the term oral in it to qualify it as sex. But oral sex could also mean using you mouth as in just talking about sex but that isn't really how it is used.
In terms of using a condom. I being a stright guy have never given a bj (but if I ever did) what fun is tasting the rubber yuck. That being said I have been forced to use one to get a bj. I have to admit it wasn't as fun. For anyone who wants to do the reserach who dosn't know how, there is a way to put one on using ones mouth.
Sex is short of Sexual intercourse so because of that a Blow Job isn't sex. That is also why it is called oral sex, it has to have the term oral in it to qualify it as sex. But oral sex could also mean using you mouth as in just talking about sex but that isn't really how it is used.
In terms of using a condom. I being a stright guy have never given a bj (but if I ever did) what fun is tasting the rubber yuck. That being said I have been forced to use one to get a bj. I have to admit it wasn't as fun. For anyone who wants to do the reserach who dosn't know how, there is a way to put one on using ones mouth.
libertad - 07/24/06 11:22
You are still a virgin until the bloody sheets are hung on the line for the neighbors to see!
Of course i'm just being ridiculous. Really, I do think along leetee's lines, but also think that going all the way the first time has special meaning.
You are still a virgin until the bloody sheets are hung on the line for the neighbors to see!
Of course i'm just being ridiculous. Really, I do think along leetee's lines, but also think that going all the way the first time has special meaning.
uncutsaniflush - 07/24/06 11:20
fwiw, I think if an activity involves some sort of physical activity whose purpose is to make at least one other person sexually satisfied then that activity is sex.
Is B&D or S&M actually sex? Frequently, such scenes involve no genitalia and no direct skin to skin contact.
Must an activity involve a penis and a vagina or a penis and an anus to be considered real sex?
I would think that if a blow job isn't considered sex then hand jobs and cunninglingus isn't sex either.
And what about 69-style positions? If eating pussy and blow jobs aren't really sex; then two people 69ing each other aren't really having sex either.
fwiw, I think if an activity involves some sort of physical activity whose purpose is to make at least one other person sexually satisfied then that activity is sex.
Is B&D or S&M actually sex? Frequently, such scenes involve no genitalia and no direct skin to skin contact.
Must an activity involve a penis and a vagina or a penis and an anus to be considered real sex?
I would think that if a blow job isn't considered sex then hand jobs and cunninglingus isn't sex either.
And what about 69-style positions? If eating pussy and blow jobs aren't really sex; then two people 69ing each other aren't really having sex either.
leetee - 07/24/06 01:41
I think i'm kinda weird and a bit of a prude, but i think if there is the word sex in the act, then it's sex.
Virgininity? Well, depends on how it's defined. For women, there can be a tecnicality -- hymen in tact, virgin; broken, no longer a virgin.
But sex is so much more than a hymen or lack thereof. The intimacy matters so much more than just getting off.
I guess my rules have always been if you can get a disease from it, then it's sex and you aren't a virgin anymore. If you need protection, there's no more virginity.
How romantic is that, huh?
I think i'm kinda weird and a bit of a prude, but i think if there is the word sex in the act, then it's sex.
Virgininity? Well, depends on how it's defined. For women, there can be a tecnicality -- hymen in tact, virgin; broken, no longer a virgin.
But sex is so much more than a hymen or lack thereof. The intimacy matters so much more than just getting off.
I guess my rules have always been if you can get a disease from it, then it's sex and you aren't a virgin anymore. If you need protection, there's no more virginity.
How romantic is that, huh?
libertad - 07/23/06 22:22
blah, I would rather not have any oral sex rather than bj's with a condom. They have fruity condoms (i have some). I find them repulsive, especially strawberry which looks like somebody has a bloody wang. Personally, I think that you are still a virgin if you only have oral sex. All that being said oral sex is risky business. Like mama always says "you don't know where that thing has been!"
blah, I would rather not have any oral sex rather than bj's with a condom. They have fruity condoms (i have some). I find them repulsive, especially strawberry which looks like somebody has a bloody wang. Personally, I think that you are still a virgin if you only have oral sex. All that being said oral sex is risky business. Like mama always says "you don't know where that thing has been!"
07/21/2006 13:48 #29296
Questions about schoolsHas anyone ever attended or known anyone who has gone to the following schools:
Penn State
Westminster Choir College
THE Ohio State University
UNC at Greensboro
Univ. of Colorado at Boulder
I'm looking into grad schools and would love any info anyone has on these schools. Thanks guys!
Penn State
Westminster Choir College
THE Ohio State University
UNC at Greensboro
Univ. of Colorado at Boulder
I'm looking into grad schools and would love any info anyone has on these schools. Thanks guys!
nejifer - 07/21/06 17:24
Mike...if you need help let me know. I've done some crazy research on grad schools. Gradschools.com is a great website. What major are you looking into?
Mike...if you need help let me know. I've done some crazy research on grad schools. Gradschools.com is a great website. What major are you looking into?
chico - 07/21/06 15:12
Hi mk,
I know someone who went to UNCG a number of years ago...what do you want to know, and what are you going to study in grad school?
Chico
Hi mk,
I know someone who went to UNCG a number of years ago...what do you want to know, and what are you going to study in grad school?
Chico
07/11/2006 13:59 #29295
troubles...sort ofI can't get over the fact that I as well as my friends are in such a crazy part of our lives right now. Like at this point, I really don't know how I want my life to go. I can think of several different career routes I could take but none of them seem THAT appealing and even the ones that do, seem like it will take a lot of work and time to get there. I could probably just start teaching right now and do it for like 35 years as most people do and then retire. But I honestly feel like if I just teach public school music for the rest of my life I will feel like a failure and that I could do so much more. So then I think I want to teach at the college level, but maybe I'm not good enough. It's just that there's so many things I could do right now and it seems so intimidating and scary.
What is also very, very sad is that I still have maintained similar thoughts patterns I used to have when I was in my stupid bad relationship. What I mean by that is, every time I used to make a decision or take any action, my first thought would always be, "what would he think? what would he do? what if i do something he doesn't approve of, or what if i don't succeed and i look stupid? what if he does the same thing, but better? of course he will, i never do anything better..." etc. etc. I STILL have these thoughts. A lot. And it is really, really troubling. Like I'm putting together a recital right now, and I'm trying to do "the best" music, because otherwise I will look like a singer who doesn't know what she's doing. I want to go to "the best" grad school. It's like, I don't know the difference between what I WOULD have done before because I felt so much pressure to be great versus what I ACTUALLY want to do. Like right now, I don't have a job other than teaching lessons. And I really enjoy it. However, I know that I would feel the pressure to have a job because otherwise I'm "wasting time." Oh it is so stupid that I still have these awful thoughts and feelings. I am just so afraid that it is still controlling what I do and think, and that is so terrible. Why can't I just get it through my head that no one is controlling me anymore?
Lastly, I'm sad I missed Kenmore Days/Taste of Buffalo. While I had a good time at my friend's sister's grad party, it makes me sad to miss out on the good times with the Kenmore crew, especially since we are hardly ever together anymore, now that people have real jobs/husbands/houses or apartments in other places. Life is moving pretty fast...
What is also very, very sad is that I still have maintained similar thoughts patterns I used to have when I was in my stupid bad relationship. What I mean by that is, every time I used to make a decision or take any action, my first thought would always be, "what would he think? what would he do? what if i do something he doesn't approve of, or what if i don't succeed and i look stupid? what if he does the same thing, but better? of course he will, i never do anything better..." etc. etc. I STILL have these thoughts. A lot. And it is really, really troubling. Like I'm putting together a recital right now, and I'm trying to do "the best" music, because otherwise I will look like a singer who doesn't know what she's doing. I want to go to "the best" grad school. It's like, I don't know the difference between what I WOULD have done before because I felt so much pressure to be great versus what I ACTUALLY want to do. Like right now, I don't have a job other than teaching lessons. And I really enjoy it. However, I know that I would feel the pressure to have a job because otherwise I'm "wasting time." Oh it is so stupid that I still have these awful thoughts and feelings. I am just so afraid that it is still controlling what I do and think, and that is so terrible. Why can't I just get it through my head that no one is controlling me anymore?
Lastly, I'm sad I missed Kenmore Days/Taste of Buffalo. While I had a good time at my friend's sister's grad party, it makes me sad to miss out on the good times with the Kenmore crew, especially since we are hardly ever together anymore, now that people have real jobs/husbands/houses or apartments in other places. Life is moving pretty fast...
chico - 07/11/06 15:49
Only now that I'm getting old am I learning to take a risk now and then-- especially the risk of being wrong, or not the best at something.
Believe me, progress comes a LOT faster when you're willing to make mistakes and maybe even fall flat on your face from time to time, as long as you take something from the experience beyond a broken nose or a bad case of embarrassment.
That said, I think sometimes the best thing to do is a mix of things: some things that you're really good at, and some things that seem really difficult or challenging or even seemingly out of reach. You then get the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction of being good at something, but you also give yourself the opportunity to excel and do something great, something you didn't know you could do...
...or fall flat on your face, and maybe learn something from it.
Or maybe I don't really know what I'm talking about and I'm just making it up as I go along... ;-)
Oh, and btw: Hey, no one is controlling you anymore!
Good luck,
Chico
Only now that I'm getting old am I learning to take a risk now and then-- especially the risk of being wrong, or not the best at something.
Believe me, progress comes a LOT faster when you're willing to make mistakes and maybe even fall flat on your face from time to time, as long as you take something from the experience beyond a broken nose or a bad case of embarrassment.
That said, I think sometimes the best thing to do is a mix of things: some things that you're really good at, and some things that seem really difficult or challenging or even seemingly out of reach. You then get the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction of being good at something, but you also give yourself the opportunity to excel and do something great, something you didn't know you could do...
...or fall flat on your face, and maybe learn something from it.
Or maybe I don't really know what I'm talking about and I'm just making it up as I go along... ;-)
Oh, and btw: Hey, no one is controlling you anymore!
Good luck,
Chico
Condom during oral sex is like sucking a popsicle in its wrapper. What's the point?
I guess one thing that I will add is that I do understand why a girl would want a guy to wear one. The first part of that is the chance of getting and std and then the chance of giving someone else one. Also it gives the apperance of being safe. The other reason is cause they don't want to taste cum, wich I can't blame them for. Some girls spit, swallow, bite or even kiss you. I have known a few who want to know when it is coming so they don't have to taste it. But a condom gets rid of that worry, not to mention you don't have to worry about if it is going to get on anything else, so I can understand why ladies would prefer guys to wear a condom. Some one mentioned a dental dam. From what I've seen if your going to do that you are better just to skip sex alltogather.
I am most likely a member of a very tiny minority of men on this planet of which oral really doesn't do it for me. A Condom is just BLAH. Then again I would rather prefer a woman's breast, the two of them squeezed together down there or a handjob if I wasn't going to actually have intercourse.
I suppose the worst case scenario for a STD transmitted via oral sex on a man is what??? Herpes. Transmitting a cold sore to a penis is very possible from what I have been told.
I will ask you ladies a question - What if every time a guy wants to go down on you he decides to cover your flower with saran wrap?
Not fun! =)
p.s. even worse than a condom for a blow job is a dental dam for going down on a woman. puh-leeze. has anyone here ever even seen a dental dam? I wouldn't know what to do with it if I tried...
I wouldn't give a guy a blowjob with a condom. I disagree with Jason that it's a plot to take pleasure away from men- I just don't want a condom in my mouth. If we're so afraid of each other's germs that we need condoms for oral sex- maybe we should stick with other activities. And as far as 'what is sex'- I agree that oral/handjobs are sexUAL activity- but I still wouldn't say I "had sex" with someone unless it was actual intercourse.
I would never ever allow a girl to give me a blow job if I had to wear a condom. Fuck that! I'm pretty sure people want to take away as much joy from men as possible. I would rather jerk off.