So my name has traveled way down the Read the Latest list. Probably the farthest down it has ever been. It is mainly because my dad got a new casino game and is on the computer all the time and I am too tired to wait up til he is done. Life is pretty good lately. I saw the Strangers with Candy Movie. Me and (e:jill) loved it. It was really funny. If you liked the show you will definetely like it. I definetely think though that it is one of those things that you either hate or love. I think it would be hard to be like "eh , its ok" about it.

Me and (e:jill) are hopefully going to look at some apartments this weekend. I really realized I need to move out now because my dad is giving up OTB. That is where he goes all day Friday. I have off on Fridays and so that is my day to myself usually. Even though I usually go out and am not home, its just nice to know I can just sit around and not have anyone bothering me or being like "why aren't you dressed, its 4 o'clock". But now he will be home....i need to move out...asap!

Hmm what else...? I guess not much else has happened lately. I just wanted to be back on "the list"!

just when it seems like it is getting a little better....things have to get worse

So if you read my other post about green no longer being the new black but now black is the new black this is a little addendum. Like two weeks ago when we went out to like Brick Bar I believe, everyone was wearing green and I remember at least two situations where we went out and realized like me, paul, terry were all wearing green. Then like a few days ago we went to Brick Bar and I noticed everyone was wearing black. Its crazy....like people don't even realize how much Cosmo and fashion magazines control their life....

So I was getting fed up with Eckerd, readying myself to find a new job ...... and now they gave me back the training thing I wanted. My district manager called and said he heard that I really wanted to do it, and he really was just trying to prevent me from having to do all that extra work but if I want it the job is mine. So I took it. So I tihnk I am excited. But now I am just recommited to Eckerd which really provides me with no future. But at least I think this training thing will be good on a resume.

I am so angry all the time the last few days. Like constantly all day I am tense and angry but not at anyone in particular, just situations and it is driving me crazy. I can't sleep well, I am miserable at work and I just can't enjoy things cuz its so weighing on my mind. I wish it was something where I could just be mad at someone, like yell at them ,or not even that but just be mad at them and then get over it. I get over things really easily usually after I get really mad usually wihtout the other person even having to know I was mad. But without anyone to get mad at , I am just in this constant angry stage I can't get over....grr....

Ugh...today was a stressful day. I think I am just not in the best of places lately. It all started when the other day on the way to the Taste of Buffalo we passed the Business First offices and me and (e:maureen) remember how we were in it at one time. We were like fabulous highschool seniors with a great future. (e:maureen) now owns a condo in Boston and is working on her phD from Harvard. I live with my parents and have the same job I have had since I was 16. I make less than pretty much anyone, even people like starting at like a fast food joint. I used to think I loved my job but I don't and yet I still am doing nothing about it because I am lazy and afraid of failure. I talk about going back to school or doing something but I never do.

On the social front I have parents who tell me they get afraid I am an alcoholic and people who tell me I party too much and never can just stay in while then at the same time other people complain that I am not party enough. Noone is really ever happy. What am I to do?

It just is a lot of things are bothering me lately and then today's situation didn't help. None of this is all that serious but I guess just while watching Shakespeare it gave me time to think about all this and be upset about it.

Its weird cuz just a few days ago I felt like everything was going soo good for once. It's not like I'm mad at anyone, just myself. And now my vacation is over and it is back to work tomorrow...